by Scott Ott
(2004-01-14) -- Under a soon-to-be announced Bush administration proposal, the federal government will offer free prescriptions for healthy marriage. It's part of an election-year effort to strengthen the institution of marriage.
Rather than remove regulations that currently make it more profitable for a low-income woman on government assistance to remain single, the administration will fund an effort in what has traditionally been the domain of churches.
"Our focus group studies show that when people think of harmonious relationships and intimate caring, they immediately think of the federal government," said an unnamed spokesman for the Department of Health and Human Services. "We're going to combine the instructional efficiency of the Department of Education with the problem-solving expertise of Congress, to heal wounded relationships and to prevent little problems from becoming big."
Homosexual advocacy groups immediately embraced the proposal because it will also provide relationship help for same sex couples, according to one unnamed ACLU attorney.
"As soon as the soon-to-be-announced discrimination lawsuit reaches the U.S. Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals," he said, "gay and straight couples will sit side-by-side in government-funded classrooms, learning what marriage really means. In fact, those courses will soon have quotas requiring a certain percentage of 'minority lifestyles' to be included in each session."
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