(2003-12-21) -- Within an hour after U.S. Homeland Security Director Tom Ridge announced an increase in the terror threat index to 'Orange' (High), Microsoft Corporation said Americans can download a new patch from its website to deal with the threat.

According to information on the download page, "Several security issues have been identified in the United States of America and allied countries. These vulnerabilities could allow attackers to run diabolical schemes of their choice on our systems and infrastructure. You can help protect yourself by installing this update from Microsoft."

Although critics denounced the patch as "essentially vaporware" and "a placebo program," Microsoft defended its distribution.

"People face dozens of threats on a daily basis," said the unnamed Microsoft spokesman. "And the terror threats are all so vague, it seems like there's nothing we can do. But at Microsoft we have learned that folks feel more secure if they take some kind of action. It doesn't really matter what the patch does, or doesn't do. We are empowering people to feel safer.

In related news, Democrat presidential candidate Howard Dean said, "The Microsoft patch will make America safer than the capture of Saddam Hussein did."