(2003-11-23) -- In his second major interview with an American news organization in as many days, Chinese Premier Wen Jiabao sat down Saturday with a team of reporters and editors from ScrappleFace.com. On Friday, The Washington Post had interviewed Mr. Wen at a Ming Dynasty pavilion in Zhongnanhai, which is the Communist Party headquarters. The ScrappleFace interview took place at a nearby McDonald's restaurant.

Below is a full transcript of that interview, edited for clarity, length and obscenity.

SCRAPPLEFACE: Mr. Wen, first of all we want to thank you for taking the time to meet with us, and for buying the Happy Meals for everyone. What we would like to know first is do you speak English?
WEN: No.

SCRAPPLEFACE: Okay, then we'll conduct this interview with subtitles.
WEN: Fine.

SCRAPPLEFACE: China has made great advances toward a more democratic form of government. For example, allowing the people to eat at McDonald's restaurants. How soon will you hold direct elections for the top government offices?
WEN: We already have a democracy. As you can see, our people can make choices that affect their daily lives. They may order the #2 Value Meal, and they may even have it Supersized.

SCRAPPLEFACE: That is impressive. How about direct elections?
WEN: Thanks to our Communist school system, the people are too intelligent to participate in direct elections. They could not be fooled by the empty promises of politicians. They would boycott the elections, thus leaving the current leadership in power. We have decided not to waste money on such a charade.

SCRAPPLEFACE: Speaking of democracy, how will you react if Taiwan's President Chen Shui-bian continues to move his people toward a referendum on independence, and a re-writing of the constitution?
WEN: The people of Taiwan are free to do anything they wish.

SCRAPPLEFACE: Really?
WEN: I'm sure they don't fear our nuclear arsenal, nor our massive army and track record for dealing swiftly and effectively with dissent.

SCRAPPLEFACE: Are you threatening Taiwan?
WEN: We don't need to threaten Taiwan with total annihilation, turning that beautiful island into a charred wasteland, bereft of all life forms. Threats are not necessary. The people of Taiwan are eager to maintain Chinese unity.

SCRAPPLEFACE: The U.S.-Chinese trade imbalance is now more $100 billion in your favor. To what do you attribute this?
WEN: Three little words: Made in China.

SCRAPPLEFACE: Yes, of course, but the Bush administration claims you are artificially propping up the value of the Chinese currency, the renminbi, to keep your export prices low. Is that fair?
WEN: I don't know. You'll have to ask the American garment and electronics companies who outsource their labor to China then reap the profits.

SCRAPPLEFACE: President Bush last week slapped limits on American imports of bras, sleepwear and knitted fabrics from China. What would it take for American garment workers to regain their competitive edge.
WEN: It will happen just as soon as American women are willing to pay $900 for a bra, and $1,400 for a pair of pajamas. The ladies garment workers union could compete effectively at those price points.

SCRAPPLEFACE: But who is responsible for propping up the value of the renminbi?
WEN: No, Hu is not in charge of currency valuation. Hu Jintao is the president and Communist Party chief. I personally oversee issues of national finance.

SCRAPPLEFACE: So, you're personally keeping the value of the renminbi from falling?
WEN: As your own Harry Truman said, "The renminbi stops here."

SCRAPPLEFACE: On May 19, 1989, the Communist government brutally cracked down on student protestors who had gathered in Tiananmen Square to call for democratic reforms. You and Zhao Ziyang, the Communist Party chief, visited the square and were perceived to be supporting the pro-democracy movement. Mr. Zhao was ousted from his post and has been in jail 14 years. How were you able to avoid similar treatment?
WEN: To quote another American president, "I don't remember. I don't know. I'm not sure. I have no idea. I don't recall. I don't have any specific recollection."

SCRAPPLEFACE: Some skeptics might infer that you betrayed Mr. Zhao, or reneged on your own commitment to democracy for the sake of your own political survival. How would you answer them?
WEN: You've hardly touched your french fries.

SCRAPPLEFACE: We're on the Atkins diet. Did you betray Mr. Zhao?
WEN: Hot apple pie?

SCRAPPLEFACE: Mmmm....pie. Uh, no thank you. Now, what were were talking about?
WEN: I believe you were asking about how proud China is to be hosting the Olympic games in 2008.

SCRAPPLEFACE: Ah, yes. Well, how proud are you?
WEN: We're quite proud. We plan to demonstrate the supremacy of Communism to a world hungry for better government.

SCRAPPLEFACE: Since North Korea is one of the few remaining Communist dictatorships, and was propped up for years by China, could your government be doing more to ensure that the Korean peninsula is free of nuclear weapons?
WEN: We don't know if Kim Jong-Il has nuclear weapons. He could have done almost anything with the aluminum tubes and plutonium that China helped him to acquire.

SCRAPPLEFACE: But what do you think is the main obstacle to peace on the Korean peninsula?
WEN: The problem is South Korea and its petty obsession with so-called freedom and democracy. Mr. Kim is simply protecting his people from that.

SCRAPPLEFACE: Do you have a favorite candidate in the 2004 U.S. presidential race?
WEN: Yes, but she hasn't announced yet.

SCRAPPLEFACE: One final question. We ask this on behalf of America's young citizens: Do you prefer Mac or PC?
WEN: If that question represents the intelligence of young Americans, no wonder you're stuck with such a primitive form of government.

SCRAPPLEFACE: Actually, CNN suggested we ask that.
WEN: Figures.