(2003-11-18) -- A compromise Medicare bill moving through Congress would demonstrate President Bush's "compassionate conservatism" by giving billions of dollars to the neediest among us -- physicians, pharmaceutical companies and health insurance providers.

"We're moved by mercy and compassion," said an unnamed Republican Congressman. "Have you ever looked into the eyes of an executive who has just learned that he's lost five percent of his incentive bonus because competitive market pressures forced price reductions?"

"If we don't subsidize prescription drugs," the Congressman added, "think of the pharmaceutical salesman who will be out on the streets, hustling for a buck as dropping prices make it harder to pay for the Lexus."