(2003-11-13) -- The Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) reported today that hate crimes decreased in 2002, and so-called "crimes of indifference" surged during the same period.

"We're excited to report that criminals just don't care who you are anymore," said an unnamed FBI spokesman. "Today's perps indiscriminately hurt people without a thought to the race, creed or color of the victim. It's really a tribute to the civil rights groups that have fought so hard to end discrimination, and to hate-crimes laws which have scared criminals into respecting diversity."