(2003-11-10) -- Wal-Mart's janitorial services vendors expressed outrage today at the discount chain's insistence that sub-contractors mark every illegal alien they employ with a radio frequency identification (RFID) chip. Wal-Mart said it will scan all janitors, and then load the undocumented ones on pallets for shipment back to their native lands.

"We're being sued by nine illegal aliens we didn't even know about," said an unnamed spokesman for Wal-Mart. "From now on, we're going to know what's in our stores, whether it's Pert, Pop-Tarts or Mexicans without papers."