(2003-11-10) -- Federal agents this morning arrested virtual-president Al Gore, duct-taped him into a C-130 transport plane and whisked him to the U.S. detention center at Guantanamo, where he is being held without charge as a "suspected enemy of the Homeland".

The arrest comes just hours after Mr. Gore gave a speech criticizing President George Bush for using the USA Patriot Act to clamp down on civil rights while failing to effectively prosecute the war on terror.

A spokesman for U.S. Attorney General John Ashcroft said, "Mr. Gore's dissension is tantamount to rebellion against the Bush regime. American freedom depends upon the silence of the minority. Perhaps this will serve as a lesson to other traitors."