(2003-10-31) -- Reports today of the death of the world's oldest person turned out to be a hoax, as authorities discovered that the world still has an 'oldest person.'

"As long as at least one human remains on earth, we'll always have the world's oldest person," said an unnamed expert in gerontology. "So, the next time you read a headline that says 'World's Oldest Person Dies,' don't believe it. If these lazy reporters would just do a little research they would find that during all of recorded history, the world has never lacked an oldest person."