(2003-10-30) -- The Senate version of the Head Start reform bill would rename and 're-mission' the Great Society program. Instead of trying to prepare poor children for school in hopes of enhancing achievement, 'Slow Start' will enroll children from middle-class and wealthy families and attempt to "confuse and de-motivate them" so that they won't excel their peers from low-income families.

'Slow Start' is part of the Democrat party's new 'No Child Leaved Ahead' program, designed to prevent underachievers from suffering self-esteem drainage when they note the superior performance of their classmates.

"Our nation was founded on equality," said Massachusetts Senator Edward M. Kennedy. "But the poor kids will never catch up if we don't do something to trip up the rich kids."

Mr. Kennedy expects that enrollment in the 'Slow Start' program will exceed Head Start in its first year.

"Most well-off people have just lucked into their money," said the Senator. "They feel guilty about how their clever little prodigies always bust the grading curve. They would love to do something to level the playing field, and they're willing to stoop to conquer inequality."