(2003-09-30) -- Retired General Wesley Clark, who recently said he believes in time travel, today announced that he has won the 2004 election, and re-election in 2008.

"I've been to the future, and I'm sitting in the big chair in the Oval Office," said the retired four-star general. "In 2013, I signed a $14 million book deal and broke ground on my presidential library."

Mr. Clark refused to reveal further details about his future political victories, referring inquiries instead to future White House Press Secretary Clinton.