(003-09-15) -- The 9th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals issued an order today reversing the results of all elections which used the troublesome punch-card ballots. The ruling overturns voter decisions going back to 1964, when the faulty ballots were first employed in two counties in Georgia.

Bill Clinton, who is now neither a former president nor a former governor, said the ruling is consistent with the court's decision earlier today to delay California's recall election for similar reasons.

"To be fair, if you're going to say punch cards can't produce a valid result, then you have to nullify all results involving punch cards," said Mr. Clinton. "So, I'll just go back to what I was doing before I became a politician...you know... farming tobacco. Wait, that wasn't me. That was that Gore fella."

Of course, George Bush will remain President, since the 2000 election was decided by the Supreme Court and the lower court cannot overrule its verdict.