(2003-09-11) -- ABC News will televise an investigative report tonight showing how its reporters smuggled -- from North Carolina to Pennsylvania -- 65 cartons of deadly menthol cigarettes and a "trunkload" of dangerous bottle rockets and roman candles.

The report follows the news division's second successful attempt to smuggle depleted uranium into the country on a ship, this time from Indonesia. That report is now broadcast each hour by Al-Jazeera TV as part of a series of "how to" programs.

ABC News says it will continue to demonstrate the "insecurities of our homeland" in upcoming reports. One reporter even claims he got through L.A. customs without declaring a bottle of vodka purchased undercover on the streets of Jakarta. The bottle could be used to make a Molotov cocktail, a kind of hand-tossed firebomb.

"Right now we have reporters positioned around major airports toting shoulder-launched missiles," said an unnamed ABC News producer. "We also have trucks full of explosives in dozens of underground parking garages, and 55-gallon drums of various toxins poised to dump in major reservoirs nationwide. Of course, we have to pace ourselves in how we reveal this to keep our ratings momentum going."

The producer hinted that Nightly News anchor Peter Jennings may personally "run some guns" from Canada into Detroit later this year.

"Jennings gets through customs in the limo real easy, eh?" the producer said. "But it just shows how porous our borders are. We're doing these reports for the good of the nation."