(2003-09-08) -- Gubernatorial candidate Arnold Schwarzenegger today guaranteed Republican party leaders that he would "get them an 'R'" in California.

The announcement comes after revelations about Mr. Schwarzenegger's past which include participation in deviant sex, use of illegal drugs and racist assaults on black body-building colleagues.

"Republicans are so desperate to get an 'R' in California, that they will even vote for me," he said. "I guarantee you will get an 'R'...which stands for 'Restricted: Under 17 requires accompanying parent or adult guardian.'"

According to the Motion Picture Association of America, an 'R' rating indicates the presence of one or more of the following: coarse language, nudity in sexual scenes, drug abuse and violence.

"Thanks to my campaign, the Drudge Report now requires now requires parental guidance," he said. "At least the voters of California won't need to wonder about my morals, and they can't be shocked by anything I might do while in office."