(2003-07-29) -- General Motors announced today that it has developed an emissions-free Hummer, a variation of its sport utility vehicle based on the military HumVee. The environmentally-friendly model, dubbed the Hummus, uses no petroleum products, produces no exhaust, and runs on ordinary red meat.

GM revealed it would begin selling the non-polluting vehicle after the Sierra Club launched a web site to mock the gas-guzzling SUV.

"The Hummus has been under development for several years," said an unnamed GM spokesman. "The Sierra Club site just inspired us to get it into mass production faster."

To operate the vehicle, a motorist simply drops a serving of red meat into a compartment next to the driver's seat, and the Hummus will travel up to 50 miles at speeds approaching 70 m.p.h.. Refueling can be performed at any grocery store, or fast food restaurant. A McDonald's quarterpounder works well. In emergencies, fresh road kill can be used as fuel.

"Hummus drivers will find that road kill is relatively easy to acquire," the spokesman said. "The little critters don't even try to get out of the way. They think it's a house or something, until it's too late."