December 20th, 2013 
Scott Ott 
As his daughters look on, President Obama mercifully pardons thousands of Americans who lost their health plans and failed to sign up for new coverage at HealthCare.gov.
(2013-12-20) — With the December 23rd deadline ominously looming for Americans to sign up for insurance policies at HealthCare.gov, President Obama last night granted executive pardons to “potential ObamaCare criminals” whose insurance carriers cancelled their policies, but who have thus far failed to enroll in new plans.
The blanket pardon follows similar acts of presidential mercy recently doled out to convicted crack dealers and Thanksgiving turkeys.
The White House said newly-pardoned “imminent offenders” will be allowed to purchase sub-standard plans, or to continue without health insurance through 2014, and to perform 40 hours of community service to atone for their “crimes of omission.”
Although the federal government will officially view the pardon recipients as full citizens, “with all rights customarily conferred upon them by the executive branch,” nevertheless, the stigma might be tough to shake.
“Let’s face it,” said White House press secretary Jay Carney. “These people were about to violate a federal law, so their neighbors might be justifiably wary of them.”
The president emphasizes that there’s little likely threat to public safety, but encourages all law-abiding citizens to “take the ordinary precautions of locking doors, and of keeping an eye on your children until all your neighbors have fully obeyed the Affordable Care Act.”
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[…] By Scott Ott […]
A most excellent piece! My wife and I were in stitches over this one. Thanks for the belly-laughs.
[…] “The president emphasizes that there’s little likely threat to public safety, but encourages all law-abiding citizens to ‘take the ordinary precautions of locking doors, and of keeping an eye on your children until all your neighbors have fully obeyed the Affordable Care Act.’” —Scott Ott, Obama Pardons Potential ObamaCare Violators […]
[…] “The president emphasizes that there’s little likely threat to public safety, but encourages all law-abiding citizens to ‘take the ordinary precautions of locking doors, and of keeping an eye on your children until all your neighbors have fully obeyed the Affordable Care Act.’” —Scott Ott, Obama Pardons Potential ObamaCare Violators […]