(2008-08-14) — Former New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani will deliver a primetime address at the Republican National Convention (RNC) on September 2, and according to sources close to the former presidential hopeful, his topic will be how John McCain can win the election.

An early draft of the speech, leaked to the news media today, [...]

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(2008-01-30) — Former New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani plans to abort his presidential campaign today after a preliminary test in Florida showed significant defects.
The former Republican front runner said his decision was “personal”, and asked reporters to respect his “Constitutional right to privacy.”

“It was completely my choice to end it early in the primary [...]

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(2007-12-10) — Riding a pre-Christmas surge in popularity, the baby Jesus came under attack this week from unnamed sources who leaked documents to reporters indicating that as an adult he had given speeches condemning lust, adultery, fornication and lying as aberrant, “sinful” behaviors punishable by eternity in a place of “weeping and gnashing of teeth.”

“We’ve [...]

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(2007-12-05) — Former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney yesterday fired his lawn-care contractor over suspicions of continuing violations of immigration laws, and accused former New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani of violating federal child labor laws 26 years ago when he hired Jimmy Stevens, then age 11, to mow his front yard.
Responding to pressure from a growing [...]

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According to official sources, the following is a video of the most important question slated to be asked at the CNN/YouTube Republican presidential debate.

Your Donation Fuels Family-Friendly Satire

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(2007-11-08) — Charismatic conservative evangelical television star Pat Robertson yesterday endorsed thrice-married, Roman Catholic, pro-choice, gay rights advocate Rudy Giuliani for president. In addition to “financial and moral support”, Mr. Robertson pledged to “pray for the miraculous second coming of Rudy’s hair.”
Not to be outdone, Pope Benedict XVI early today announced his backing of New [...]

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