(2003-09-13) — In addition to the recently announced free breakfast program, New York City public schools this month will begin to offer free sleeping pills to students regardless of need. The changes are designed to ensure each student gets proper nutrition and a good night’s sleep.
“Our rigorous intellectual curriculum demands alert students,” said Mayor Michael Bloomberg in his weekly radio address. “We feel that a regimen of Ritalin-by-day and Sominex-by-night, plus school food twice daily may finally ensure that no child is left behind.”
The sleeping pill announcement follows the launch of the city’s free school breakfast program, which offers a morning meal to all 1.1 million students without regard to financial or nutritional need. Funding for the free breakfasts comes from a “slight increase” of 50 percent in lunch prices. The free breakfast program was instituted in an effort to get more low-income parents to sign up for a free lunch program, which would bring a windfall of federal government subsidy money to the district.
“Kids are coming to school with bellies full of Cheetos, Skittles and Mountain Dew,” said the Mayor. “Obviously, their parents can’t afford proper meals since it would cut into their convenience snack budget. But so far we can’t convince them that they need other people to pay for their lunches. So we’re advertising free lunch for the poor by giving free breakfast to everyone.”
In October the Board of Regents will consider a measure to provide free Abercrombie and Fitch clothing to all students, so they aren’t distracted from learning by their inability to keep up with the latest trends.

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