TelePrompTer SCRIPT FOR TODAY’S EPISODE OF PJ NEWS BREAK WITH SCOTT OTT

SCOTT OTT: It’s Friday, March 16, 2012, and this is news.

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President Obama mocked Republicans who resist government funding of so-called green energy technology, saying they must be ‘founding members of the Flat Earth Society’. He said they’re like former President Rutherford B. Hayes who reacted to an 1877 demonstration of the telephone by saying: “It’s a great idea, but who would ever want to use one?”

Turns out Obama’s anecdote is an urban legend. In fact President Hayes was delighted with Alexander Graham Bell’s new invention, and the Hayes White House was the first telephone service subscriber in Washington DC.

Obama has directed billions of dollars to fund green-energy projects and electric cars, but the White House still gets its power, heat and vehicle fuel from traditional carbon-based sources.

Despite Obama’s failure to adopt green technology, a spokesman said the president does NOT think the earth is flat — he knows that its round and that it rests on the shell of an enormous cosmic turtle.

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Vice President Joe Biden field tested a new Obama 2012 slogan, telling a group of United Autoworkers in Ohio that President Obama ‘promotes the private sector’, while Republicans ‘protect the privileged sector‘. A UAW spokesman said that campaign slogan holds deep meaning to union members grateful to the Obama administration for spending 80 billion taxpayer dollars to save their jobs, and for putting union members ahead of secured creditors in the bailout. GM and Chrysler still owe taxpayers more than $14 billion, but have notched record sales and profits, and paid union members large bonuses. During the last two election cycles, the UAW gave $3.8 million to Democrat candidates, and none to Republicans…precisely because Republicans protect the privileged sector, while Obama promotes the private sector.

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The Centers for Disease Control and the Department of Health and Human Services today launched a $54 million anti-smoking campaign featuring graphic images of the ravages of smoking-related disease. Only 20 percent of Americans still smoke, but cigarette tax dollars and court settlements provide about $44 billion to federal, state and local governments each year.

Asked why the government spends millions of dollars to tell people to stop using legal products that provide much-needed government revenue, a White House spokesman said, “If it weren’t for public service anti-smoking ads, how would kids ever hear about cigarettes?”

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Scientists have identified a new species of leopard frog in New York City.

The Environmental Protection Agency immediately declared the frog an endangered species, and said it would spend $157 million this year to maintain the frog’s habitat in its pristine natural condition by permanently evacuating New York City.

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And finally today, the Transportation Security Administration announced that starting Monday, it will allow airline passengers aged 75 and older to pass through security with shoes on and a even a light jacket. However, the TSA screeners will have to guess whether a passenger meets the age threshold.

A TSA spokesman said many employees are already trained to do so, having come from the traveling carnival industry.

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For PJ News Break, I’m Scott Ott. Click on PJTV dot com at least three times daily for your antidote to the obsolete media.

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