SCOTT OTT’S SCRIPT FOR TODAY’S EPISODE OF ‘PJ NEWS BREAK’

SCOTT OTT: It’s Friday, February 24th, 2012, and this is news.
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Scientists at the Large Hadron Collider in Geneva today reversed last year’s announcement that some neutrinos might be able to travel faster than the speed of light. Turns out that the faulty data, that had seemed to cast doubt on Albert Einstein’s theory of relativity, was caused by a loose cable on a GPS device.
In related news, economists announced today that the Obama administration theory that government spending of huge sums of taxpayer money can stimulate private-sector growth, was also faulty. Turns out there was a screw loose at the White House.

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Speaking in Miami yesterday, President Obama mocked his Republican rivals for backing an energy policy reminiscent of Sarah Palin’s famous refrain, ‘Drill, Baby, Drill.’

(SOT :03-:13 OBAMA: It means that anybody who tells you that we can drill our way out of this problem doesn’t know what they’re talking about or, just isn’t telling you the truth.)

SCOTT OTT: During that same speech, the president said he’d boost funding to $99 million per year on research to make bio-fuels from algae — known to many as pond scum. He said algae could cut U.S. oil consumption by 17 percent. To contrast the president’s serious proposal for energy-independence, with the laughably ignorant Republican plan, the White House released a new bumper sticker that says: Skim Scum, Baby, Skim Scum.
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Performance ratings of some 12,000 New York City public school teachers were released to the public today. The ratings are based, in part, on student improvement in math and reading over the past five years. United Federation of Teachers union president Michael Mulgrew reportedly spent $100,000 in union dues money to run newspaper ads under the headline “This is No Way to Rate a Teacher.”
Meanwhile, a coalition of New York City public school students who maintain average grades in the D to F range, today announced an ad campaign under the headline “This is No Way to Rate a Student”.
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And finally today, Apple CEO Tim Cook told shareholders that the electronics giant has too much cash on hand, and might consider issuing a quarterly dividend to stockholders.
A White House spokesman said the president hopes Apple will instead consider giving its $92 billion piggy bank to the federal government, which he promised would use it wisely during the eight days before it was empty.
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For PJ News Break, I’m Scott Ott. Click on PJTV dot com throughout the day for your antidote to the obsolete media.

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