(2010-08-16) — After very nearly swimming in the Gulf of Mexico this weekend to reassure Americans of its safety following four months of catastrophic government warnings and frightening media reports, President Barack Obama is reportedly considering a plunge in the economy, according to a White House source.
“The president knows that Americans won’t vacation on the Gulf Coast or eat the shrimp until they see him do it,” said the unnamed White House official. “Likewise, businesses and individuals skittish about the economy would gain confidence if they saw the president actually immersed in it along with them. They need to hear him say, ‘I told you this was a disaster, but now it’s okay. Look, I’m jumping in…canonball!’”
If he moves forward with the plan, President Obama would reduce his salary to the level of the average American worker, and begin paying his rent, groceries, fuel and other household expenses from that paycheck. The Obama daughters would be withdrawn from their pricey private school and enrolled in the D.C. public school system where fully 50 percent of students graduate — giving the Obamas a pretty good chance of seeing either Sasha or Malia in a cap and gown some day. Mr. Obama’s guaranteed-for-life pension would be replaced by a voluntary IRA or 401(k), invested in mutual funds.
“He wants to pump his own gas and see that meter thing whirling about,” the anonymous source said. “He and Michelle would also go shopping with the kids, and find out just how much arugula a family consumes when you know how much it costs, and you have to choose between that and gas for the mower.”
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29 responses so far ↓
1 SanFranNan // Aug 16, 2010 at 8:36 am
This is about as likely as me winning this year's Mrs America pageant—-just sayin'!
2 Hawkeye_R // Aug 16, 2010 at 8:37 am
What? And rub elbows with the great unwashed masses? Don't hold your breath Scott. (:D)
3 Beerme // Aug 16, 2010 at 9:40 am
As long as he doesn't take a double dip, I'm good with it…
4 boberin // Aug 16, 2010 at 9:48 am
Who needs a mower, get some sheep!
Funny stuff Scott!
5 onlineanalyst // Aug 16, 2010 at 10:24 am
From the PR puff pieces re the Florida whirlwind visit that I have seen, the ObaMaos did not indulge in Gulf seafood. What can one expect from a dip sitting in the WH?
"… giving the Obamas a pretty good chance of seeing either Sasha or Malia in a cap and gown some day." Good one, Scott. At first, I thought that you had written "on the same day." Heh, he couldn't even vouch-er for that guarantee.
6 southc0ast // Aug 16, 2010 at 10:32 am
Pretty funny, a dip taking a dip while contemplating the double dip.
Geez.
Whadda dip…
7 boberin // Aug 16, 2010 at 10:35 am
Dipeddy doo dah, dippedy ay…my oh my what a wonderful day. Plenty of seafood coming my way, dipeddy doo dah, dippedy ay…
8 mig // Aug 16, 2010 at 11:08 am
Ah ha ha… canonball… if he has not cajones… heh heh …
9 ScrappleFace // Aug 16, 2010 at 11:08 am
ScrappleFace.com editor Scott Ott will guest host Jamison Braly's radio show tonight at 10 p.m. (EST). You can tune in online, and call-in [(347) 838-8418] to speak with the real editor behind the fake news site, and the genuine new book Laughing At Obama: Volume I. Learn more at the Stubborn Facts Radio Facebook page. Go bookmark http://www.blogtalkradio.com/stubbornfacts right now, and set an alarm on your phone so you'll be ready.
10 boberin // Aug 16, 2010 at 3:53 pm
the gulf is one thing and may or may not be safe to swim in but if he were to take a dip in the economy it'd likely strip the skin from his bones in under a minute
11 JamesonLewis3rd // Aug 16, 2010 at 4:39 pm
Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, zip-a-dee-ay
My, oh my, what a wonderful day
Plenty of sunshine headin' my way
Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, zip-a-dee-ay
Johnny Mercer had a #8 hit with his rendition of the song in 1947.
12 Possumtrot // Aug 16, 2010 at 6:18 pm
The new gizmo dictates I split my comment into multiple posts, so:
Doesn't the President's salary place him in that $250,000+ category that he demonized so ardently a while back? Will he ever have a tax liability?
I'm under doctor's orders to avoid the news, because of stress due to interpretations of current events, cancellation of some of my health care benefits thanks to ObamaCare and the crippling of the national economy, and general angst about the state of The Union. However, I can still come here for a good laugh, which is still the best medicine.
Glad to see you're back on form and retaining your sense of humor, Great Scott!
Waiting for the November bloodbath and still live from Scorpion Hill…
13 camojack // Aug 16, 2010 at 8:16 pm
He's a "dip" all right…
14 CallMeShelly // Aug 16, 2010 at 10:13 pm
Boy, been a long time since I posted here.
This is my safety gauge-when I see the ketchup boy, John Kerry windsurfing the bountiful blue gulf waters, hanging tight with his hair blowing in the wind following the gulf stream then I will eat a shrimp.
Now that is a promise from a gal who has never eaten a shrimp in her life.
15 Possumtrot // Aug 17, 2010 at 3:48 am
Last I heard, Shelly, Gomer Kerry-or JoKe, as he's known to his friends-has his Swift Boat/lobster trawler parked in Rhode Island, although his nominal employment suggests he's from The People's Republic of Massachusetts, and subject to the exhorbitant socialist taxes they exact on gigolos in that prudent state.
I am a fool for shrimp cocktail, but I'll never de-vein another one in this lifetime. Maybe cleaning them is one of those jobs the amnesty apologists insist "no American will take." As for any other seafood, I quote Harvey Keitel in "Rising Sun": "…I'll just eat a thermometer."
"Sushi" is Japanese for "bait."
Reality slaps most of us in the face every day. For Those People, it pats them gently on the [butt].
16 onlineanalyst // Aug 17, 2010 at 9:24 am
Good to see you posting. I hope that all is well with you.
I tried to organize another Scrapplemeet in September, but alas the response was poor. Maybe next year.
Sad news from camojack re "Libby Gone," who has succumbed to a heart attack. We Scrapplers are mere mortals indeed.
17 boberin // Aug 17, 2010 at 12:56 pm
That's horrifying….rats!…seriously. Libby and I tussled with (each other) with the best of them back in the day. It was always a fair fight, fought like gentlemen.
I miss him already!
WAH!!!!!!!
18 Beerme // Aug 17, 2010 at 1:08 pm
Oh, I am so sorry to hear that! He was from right here in my neck of the woods, though I never met him in person.
Rest in piece, Libby Gone!
19 ScrappleFace // Aug 17, 2010 at 8:02 pm
I just spoke with Jeff (Libby Gone) Jonseck's Mom, just moments ago, expressing my condolences and assuring her that many here would be praying for the family. Here's a link to the obituary. Jeff was not only a reader, and writer here, but he sent a PayPal gift from time to time.
20 onlineanalyst // Aug 17, 2010 at 8:41 pm
Thanks for the link, Scott.
21 boberin // Aug 18, 2010 at 9:30 am
Thanks again Scott
Wah!!!!
22 Possumtrot // Aug 18, 2010 at 10:42 am
I, too, got a bit wrecked about Jeff's passing when I got an e-mail about it. I think it was Hemingway that remarked the death of anyone diminishes us all.
Mr. J. was far too young, and I hardly knew him, but he will be sorely missed.
Thank you for the link, Great Scott.
23 Possumtrot // Aug 19, 2010 at 4:34 am
Since when is "cocktail" a bad word? Ya, it can be a double entendre, but we eat shrimp cocktails and drink martinis, sidecars, whiskey sours, silver bullets, margaritas, and rum punches. (Not all at once; the results can be catastrophic!)
As a former bartender, I resemble that remark!
Just trying to lighten things up, kids. I suggest we all lift a cocktail and toast absent friends.
24 Possumtrot // Aug 19, 2010 at 4:39 am
Wow! More instant censorship!
We also cock pistols and sometimes go off half-cocked.
It's not like I buy that latest apocryphal story about The Manchurian Candidate and his allegedly gay friends, and called him a bad name here. (What I call him in the privacy of The Possum Den is not fit for mixed company and decent people.)
Messing with this word filter is fun!
25 boberin // Aug 19, 2010 at 11:44 am
what about hunting for some game****?
26 boberin // Aug 19, 2010 at 11:48 am
but I digress, I'm with you possum, let all drink a somethingtail to Mr. Libby!
27 Possumtrot // Aug 21, 2010 at 4:56 pm
Gosh! It's been two days, so I guess my comments make me…last!
Acting childish on Scorpion Hill…
28 SanFranNan // Aug 23, 2010 at 5:36 pm
I think it will do the same with Dick Cheney, and Dick Nixon.
29 Emboldened by ‘Gulf Swim’, Obama Mulls Dip in Economy // Dec 10, 2010 at 12:54 am
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