(2010-05-04) — Although Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano had initially said she had no evidence to indicate the attempted Times Square bombing was anything other than a “one-off” event, an unnamed Homeland official today contradicted that assessment based on “one compelling piece of evidence.”
“We knew that we were dealing with a coordinated attack, involving perhaps dozens of co-conspirators and robust technological capabilities,” the anonymous source said, “And we knew he wasn’t a lone wolf based on a single fact: the driver of the bomb-filled SUV actually found a parking space in Times Square.”
While officials called the bomb itself “crude” and “amateurish”, they now privately acknowledge that the preparation, advanced espionage and meticulous orchestration of events required to insert a Sport Utility Vehicle into a curbside parking space anywhere in New York City reflects a high-level of intellectual and technical sophistication.”
“You don’t just drive into New York and park your car,” the source said. “Without a real-time satellite video feed and agents on the ground in constant communication with the driver, that kind of operation can take hours on a good day. Even with all of those resources, the perps still had to count on a certain degree of luck.”
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ScrappleFace.com editor Scott Ott is author of the forthcoming book ‘Laughing at Obama: Volume I‘, now available for pre-order.
16 responses so far ↓
1 Hawkeye_R // May 4, 2010 at 12:37 pm
“You don’t just drive into New York and park your car.” I'll agree with you there. Been there, NOT done that plenty of times.
(:D)
2 boberin // May 4, 2010 at 12:50 pm
Good point Scott! Hadn't thought of that.
Ah yes, I've done a few stints in New York. You normally bring another person so they can circle the block in your vehicle while you do what you need to do. Done Philly much more often and it's pretty much the same. You can eventually park but it does take 8-10 laps in an ever widening circle to accomplish that.
Man, we are the luckiest folks on the planet. Our sworn enemies are stark raving lunatics that have no concept of how easy it would be to terrorize us. And I'm talking a low probability of being caught doing it. I guarantee I could strike more fear all by myself than the rest of them put together…(public disclaimer sorely needed….I do NOT intend to do so..I'm just saying)
3 onlineanalyst // May 4, 2010 at 1:08 pm
Had the suspect been in Pittsburgh, he could have used the time-tested method of putting a lawn chair in the desired spot.
Maybe MapQuest® or a Garmin® simplified the tast of navigating for the lone traveler.
4 Makes you go “hm…” « Neko Bijin’s Serious Blog // May 4, 2010 at 11:08 am
[...] Neko_Bijin @ 11:08 am Ozymandias noted that the best commedians open your eyes. This is from a satire site: “We knew that we were dealing with a coordinated attack, involving perhaps dozens of [...]
5 Lutherans, No Doubt - Transterrestrial Musings // May 4, 2010 at 12:32 pm
[...] bomber had to have had help: While officials called the bomb itself “crude” and “amateurish”, they now privately [...]
6 Hawkeye_R // May 4, 2010 at 12:37 pm
“You don’t just drive into New York and park your car.” I'll agree with you there. Been there, NOT done that plenty of times.
(:D)
7 boberin // May 4, 2010 at 5:06 pm
but does he appear worried? inquitrng minds want to know
8 boberin // May 4, 2010 at 1:12 pm
Navigation yes…parking not so much. Philly is testing "talking" parking spots that will alert you to their emptiness…but that'll just lead to more fist fights…nearly certainly
9 Upnorthlurkin // May 4, 2010 at 1:30 pm
Uh, I guess the Feds have made an arrest in the Times Square Bombing attempt, well known, radical, rightwing, tea partier, Faisal Shahzad, while trying to board a flight to Dubai…..
And the putz Holder still won't call him a terrorist….
10 Upnorthlurkin // May 4, 2010 at 1:32 pm
Oops! I forgot to add racist white guy to "Faisy's" description….
11 onlineanalyst // May 4, 2010 at 8:56 pm
Steny Hoyer is deluded. I guess that he has forgotten Hassan, the Ft. Hood jihadi, the Underoo Bomber, and now this latest example in Times Square. http://thehill.com/homenews/house/95931-hoyer-dem...
How many red flags was the Times Square fellow raising? Buying vehicles and one-way tickets to Pock-ee-ston via Dubai with cash? Months-long visits to Pock-ee-ston?
How did he manage to fast-track his earning citizenship papers?
Now the media narrative/spin is that the poor Pock-ee-stoni had a home in foreclosure.
Who generates this nonsense?
12 onlineanalyst // May 4, 2010 at 8:56 pm
Steny Hoyer is deluded. I guess that he has forgotten Hassan, the Ft. Hood jihadi, the Underoo Bomber, and now this latest example in Times Square. http://thehill.com/homenews/house/95931-hoyer-dem...
How many red flags was the Times Square fellow raising? Buying vehicles and one-way tickets to Pock-ee-ston via Dubai with cash? Months-long visits to Pock-ee-ston?
How did he manage to fast-track his earning citizenship papers?
Now the media narrative/spin is that the poor Pock-ee-stoni had a home in foreclosure.
Who generates this nonsense?
13 onlineanalyst // May 4, 2010 at 8:56 pm
Steny Hoyer is deluded. I guess that he has forgotten Hassan, the Ft. Hood jihadi, the Underoo Bomber, and now this latest example in Times Square. http://thehill.com/homenews/house/95931-hoyer-dem...
How many red flags was the Times Square fellow raising? Buying vehicles and one-way tickets to Pock-ee-ston via Dubai with cash? Months-long visits to Pock-ee-ston?
How did he manage to fast-track his earning citizenship papers?
Now the media narrative/spin is that the poor Pock-ee-stoni had a home in foreclosure.
Who generates this nonsense?
14 ChileSerrano // May 4, 2010 at 5:04 pm
Have you seen the guy's photo?
It's in a story on AOL …
He looks like Alfred E. Newman with a beard!
15 camojack // May 5, 2010 at 2:29 am
It's definitely a good point…
16 Token Conservative · Laugh it off! // May 5, 2010 at 3:03 am
[...] by the government’s “lone wolf” theory, Scrappleface asserts that the Times Square bombing attempt was the result of a conspiracy. Evidence? The bomber was able to get a parking [...]
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