(2009-12-11) — As experts in Copenhagen prepare for an historic vote to set the global average temperature once and for all, former Vice President Al Gore today warned of a new threat that contributes to global warming.
“I have recently learned that planet Earth is spinning at an incredible rate,” said Mr. Gore, “and this high velocity rotation causes man-made vehicles to burn more fossil fuels in order to overcome the resistance of centripetal force.”
Indeed, scientists at the University of East Anglia’s Spinning Data Unit (SDU) confirmed that the Earth, at the equator, spins at roughly 1,000 miles per hour.
However, an SDU researcher noted that 150 years of raw data tracking Earth’s rotation had been dumped several years ago to make room for a new espresso machine, “so, you’ll just have to trust us.”
Mr. Gore said reducing the rotational velocity of the planet by just .05 percent per year would cut carbon emissions by “trillions of tons, and would relieve the United Nations of having to set population limits with enforcement protocols as a mechanism for carbon reduction, which at this point, is the ultimate solution.”
27 responses so far ↓
1 boberinyetagain // Dec 11, 2009 at 1:41 pm
I feel dizzy!
2 Hawkeye_R // Dec 11, 2009 at 1:59 pm
Hey Scott. The "spinning" part is funny, but the "ultimate solution" part is a bit frightening. It could happen here.
3 JCougMelancholy // Dec 11, 2009 at 3:26 pm
President Obama defended the right of the US to wage "just wars" as he accepted the Nobel Peace Prize, acknowledging that as a wartime president he was a controversial choice. Afterwards, former President George W. Bush called to congratulate him and asked for his half of the $1.4Million for actually starting the wars.
4 debass // Dec 11, 2009 at 4:22 pm
Don't forget bin Laden and Saddam's estate get a cut.
5 JamesonLewis3rd // Dec 11, 2009 at 4:39 pm
Purely for the sake of counterintuitivity, I assert that President George W. Bush did not "start" any wars.
~~~~~
If you went swiftly against the spin at the Equator, you would go back in time.
~~~~~
If you stand directly upon the North Pole, you will vanish.
~~~~~
If you stand directly upon the South Pole, you will fall onto the Moon.
6 JamesonLewis3rd // Dec 11, 2009 at 7:20 pm
My investigative team has discovered something astounding. See it here.
7 ChileSerrano // Dec 11, 2009 at 8:33 pm
If there's anyone on the planet who could be called a spinmeister, that person would have to be alGore …
8 JamesonLewis3rd // Dec 11, 2009 at 11:37 pm
I applaud the Norwegians for their use of a cardboard cutout in lieu of a more substantial empty suit.
9 Possumtrot // Dec 12, 2009 at 2:24 am
Isn’t centripetal force caused by too many centipedes running in the same direction, causing the planet to spin faster and shortening our days? Lord knows how many of those bugs are out there and in which direction they’re migrating, but this is solid science, proven by the fact that it’s getting dark mighty early these days.
10 onlineanalyst // Dec 12, 2009 at 2:51 am
That video was too close for comfort. The Maxine (I want to socialize everything) Waters and Barbara (lots of rocks in the box) Boxer characters were easily recognizable. Who were the othere supposed to represent?
Bawney Fwank just today pushed a huge abomination of a bill re the financial sectors area that America may not recognize its promise and prosperity very soon. Lots of power has been collapsed into the hands of a few, and Maxine Waters made sure that ACORN or one of its hydra-headed spinoffs will be making consequential decisions. The Senate had better destroy this bill before it destroys us.
11 RAM1 // Dec 12, 2009 at 2:09 pm
Walter Cronkite must be spinning in his grave!
Wait, I forgot, he is sitting at the "right hand of Satan". Maybe he is spinning at the right hand of Satan?
http://vodpod.com/watch/1959655-walter-cronkite-a...
12 onlineanalyst // Dec 12, 2009 at 11:06 pm
Gore sounds new alarm? What? Has "The Gong Show" been resurrected?
13 JamesonLewis3rd // Dec 13, 2009 at 12:07 pm
Walter Cronkite, a disciple of satan. I'm shocked.
14 onlineanalyst // Dec 13, 2009 at 12:38 pm
Doctor Zero gives fair warning to the AGW cultists and deceivers: http://hotair.com/greenroom/archives/2009/12/12/a...
15 Libby_Gone // Dec 13, 2009 at 12:43 pm
Yea that Gorebal warming is really kicking in Mitch Chee Gon,
Freezing sleet here in 'da Thumb.
On or off topic,
At least I can look forward to my Mom's Christmas Pecan Rolls
Fresh made and frozen today. Four dozen, Dad always said she cooks for an Army.
Thank the Lord for Mom's. Every Mom.
16 onlineanalyst // Dec 13, 2009 at 12:45 pm
GnuBreed responds to the above link:
The Chicken Littles have made quite a nice living over the centuries selling their various ’sky is falling’ scenarios. This would include running out of water, food, minerals, fossil fuels, land, and species. AGW is the biggest CL of all. Extraordinary claims require extraordinary proof. Yet the proofs offered to date are anything but extraordinary.
The great thing about the Internet age is that conjectures can be posted online. Thousands of people knowledgeable in various disciplines can check for weaknesses in the data, the collection method, the computer code used to evaluate it, the statistical methodology, and correlations to other disciplines.
Weaknesses in peer review are being overcome by a much better mechanism — world review. True scientists should welcome this.
Nice article Doc.
17 onlineanalyst // Dec 13, 2009 at 7:10 pm
A great source that demonstrates via an animated gif and a video how climate has always been in flux and how the current crop of global warming alarmists has painted a very limited picture.
http://wattsupwiththat.com/2009/12/12/historical-...
18 camojack // Dec 14, 2009 at 3:37 am
All that global spinning generates heat with friction, too…
19 onlineanalyst // Dec 14, 2009 at 4:22 am
That's why there is oil in the earth.
20 camojack // Dec 14, 2009 at 5:47 am
To lubricate the bearings?
21 JamesonLewis3rd // Dec 14, 2009 at 2:08 pm
Al Qaeda's deputy leader on Monday accused President Barack Obama of deceiving the Arab world and failing to advance Middle East peace talks, and said the militants' struggle against the United States and its allies is "a war between Muslims and infidels."
22 boberinyetagain // Dec 14, 2009 at 2:19 pm
Are you saying that Al Qaeda's mad at us for something?
23 seeknthetruth // Dec 15, 2009 at 5:12 am
Algore and his boy smoking weed together are causing the warming when they exhale.That's ok though,they can take some vicodin and forget the guilt they feel for wasting vaste amounts of energy at the mansions in Nashville and L.A.
24 TaterSalad // Dec 15, 2009 at 4:04 pm
Hey Al, take a hint?
http://canadafreepress.com/index.php/article/1736...
25 The Daily Bayonet » The Copenhagen Round-Up // Dec 15, 2009 at 3:22 pm
[...] global spinning is the new [...]
26 Sunday silliness - Without Adjectives // Dec 20, 2009 at 2:22 pm
[...] Scrappleface has a great article titled “Gore Sounds New Alarm About Global Spinning.” [...]
27 Sunday silliness: teabagging vs fisting, global spinning, photobombs - Dateline Zero // Jul 12, 2010 at 3:23 pm
[...] Scrappleface has a great article titled “Gore Sounds New Alarm About Global Spinning.” [...]
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