(2003-02-13) — U.S. Senator Carl Levin, D-MI, today announced that the government of Iraq is conspiring with the U.S. Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) to frustrate the efforts of United Nations weapons inspectors.
“All this time we thought Saddam was in league with Bin Laden,” the Senator said, “but in fact he’s in cahoots with [CIA Director] George Tenet.”
“They both know where the weapons are,” he said. “And neither one will reveal the locations. I also have it on good authority that Tenet and Hussein have never been seen together in public.”
“Here’s my theory,” the Michigan Democrat continued. “The whole thing is a big scam. Saddam and Tenet whip up this false crisis. As long as neither Saddam, nor Tenet, reveal the locations of the WMD, we go to war. The Iraqi soldiers drop their weapons and raise their undies on sticks to surrender. Meanwhile, Tenet gets one of Saddam’s body-doubles snuffed. The U.S. trots out the corpse for public display. The people of Iraq sing ‘Ding, dong the dictator’s dead!’ And Saddam is set up with a nice little ranch home near Wilkes-Barre, Pa, and a job at Krispy-Kreme.”

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