(2009-06-11) — Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin, whose daughter became subject of a lurid joke by late night comic David Letterman this week, today provided Mr. Letterman with a Top 10 list of potential explanations he might offer for the offensive attempt at humor.
The CBS host, in his opening monologue Tuesday night, suggested that New York Yankees star Alex Rodriguez had used the seventh-inning stretch of a game that the Palins attended as an opportunity to sexually assault and impregnate 19-year-old Bristol Palin.
Mr. Letterman, 62, said last night that the joke was in poor taste. He did not apologize, but insisted that he had not referred to the Palins 14-year-old daughter.
Courtesy of Gov. Palin, here is the text of “David Letterman’s Top 10 Explanations for My Crude Attack on Bristol Palin.”
10. Just wanted to show Conan O’Brien what real comedy smells like.
9. I’m pro-choice. When it comes to unwanted pregnancy — no harm, no foul.
8. Hillary Clinton is a Yankees fan, so I assumed Bristol was too.
7. Nancy Pelosi has four daughters, and she laughed ’til sushi came out her nostrils.
6. Hey, it was on network TV…nobody’s watching anyway.
5. What else can we joke about now that Bush is gone?
4. Two words: collateral damage.
3. As a humor professional, I can tell you that a raped 14-year-old is a tragedy, but five years older and she’s comedy gold!
2. I don’t get it: That line slayed them at the N.O.W. convention last week.
1. I just ran out of vicious jokes about Barack Obama.
32 responses so far ↓
1 JamesonLewis3rd // Jun 11, 2009 at 1:17 pm
Letterman is a lowlife punk.
2 JamesonLewis3rd // Jun 11, 2009 at 1:38 pm
All the “news” outlets are describing Von Brunn as a “right-wing nut case.”
He is just the opposite.
3 NeaL // Jun 11, 2009 at 1:41 pm
Scott, U might want to double-check this. In the interest of accuracy, I believe the ‘A-Rod knocking up the Governor’s daughter’ “joke” was in Dave’s opening monologue, not in the top-10 list.
Maybe I’m wrong.
[Editor's Note: You are correct, sir! Hiyooooohhh! We have repaired the breach in the wall of truth that is ScrappleFace.com]
4 NeaL // Jun 11, 2009 at 1:43 pm
Also, I think Governor Palin’s daughter, Willow, was the one in attendence, not Bristol, though Dave didn’t specify which daughter he meant.
5 Midknightpromises // Jun 11, 2009 at 3:04 pm
NeaL, so what’s your point?
6 NeaL // Jun 11, 2009 at 3:28 pm
Midknightpromises: Hmmm… dunno. Pay me no mind.
Halve an iced ‘eh.
7 IndyJohn // Jun 11, 2009 at 3:56 pm
I not certain that I understand how someone paid millions of dollars a year to do very little but read jokes from a teleprompter can be so classless, mean-spirited, and vile-tempered. One would think that someone in his position would be cheerful, being keenly aware that many others with vastly more talent and physical appeal could do his job blindfolded. Letterman is a very lucky man, who has a solid, unexceptional, middle-class background, and I know (being from Indy) that he has received some unbelievably fortunate breaks in his life. Yet he acts as if Fate has been cruel to him and that he is therefore entitled to be nasty and cynical. I have learned that having wealth brings out the true character of individuals. I suppose that Letterman has always been an [deleted], but did a really good job of hiding it until he hit the big time.
8 Darthmeister // Jun 11, 2009 at 4:33 pm
Letterman is such a dork. He must have been traumatized by a female playground bully when he was in the first grade. It’s been said that “comedians” like Letterman are angry people who have a good staff of joke writers.
Despite media lies Holocaust Museum murderer was actually left-wing! But then again the dirty little secret is anarcho-socialists and Hitlerian Nazis were/are left-wing socialist collectivists.
Isn’t it amazing how effective liberal Wackedemia has been in the last six decades spinning the fact a political movement which wanted to distant itself from old Germany (traditionalism) and create a New Germany (leftism) and actually named their movement the National Socialist German Workers’ Party is somehow a “right-wing conservative” movement? Even the consummate fascist Benito Mussolini was a socialist ! Fascism was merely another facet of Marxist socialism/communism/collectivism. And guess what party in America comes closest to that definition?
You know, after the liberals in this country have spewed their lying poison for the last four decades about how American conservatives are somehow equivalent to Nazis, it’s our right and moral duty to set the historical record straight. In this light any faux outrage by liberals at being compared to other national socialist fascists would be nothing less than hypocritical. What’s good for the goose is good for the gander and in this case the shoe fits American leftists.
9 NeaL // Jun 11, 2009 at 4:38 pm
I’m still waiting to hear a public objection from Alex Rodriguez and/or the Yankees about this, unless there’s something I don’t know about A-Rod which ties him to the “joke.” The Spitzer joke was also classless, but at least Spitzer has set himself up for such comments.
But A-Rod??? Did he deserve that?
10 NeaL // Jun 11, 2009 at 4:44 pm
Governor Palin could take the high road in this. She ought to invite Letterman up to Alaska. Take him hunting. Dick Cheney likes to hunt. Bring him along, too.
What? No, I’m not suggesting Cheney would accidently shoot David Letterman. I would not specifically say that. No, not at all. That would be tasteless. Dave’s not known for his good taste, anyway, and his hide is useless.
11 Darthmeister // Jun 11, 2009 at 4:45 pm
Obama: Rein in pay across private sector America!
If this guy isn’t a fascist dictator dictating his dictates to free America …
Can’t wait until he tells union bosses to limit their pay. Not!
BTW, as we predicted, the biggest job growth market has been the federal government itself! If it wasn’t for the increase in goverment jobs unemployment under the Obama Administration would be over 10%.
Given how liberals ripped the “Bush economy” in the 2004 elections as “being the worse since the Great Depression”, can we now say the Obama/Donk economy is actually the worse since the Great Depression?
12 Fausta’s Blog » Blog Archive » Video: Vile Letterman, “these people are upset” // Jun 11, 2009 at 4:51 pm
[...] more update, Scott turns the tables on [...]
13 R.A.M. // Jun 11, 2009 at 6:15 pm
I guess when all the women in your life, (as in Letterman’s life), are “easy”, you just have a bigoted view of women, maybe?
I wonder if he thinks finally marrying the mother of his boy YEARS after he was born, changes the status/name for an out-of-wedlock birth that the boy will have to live with for the rest of his life?
Letterman makes crude references because his own life is so crude.
Reminds me, (in a way), of the statement that Sheperd Smith made about “birthers”, (people questioning Obama’s being “Natural Born”), being “crazies” when this crazy fool ran a woman down with his car in 2000 to get into the parking space she was trying to save for someone else.
14 gafisher // Jun 11, 2009 at 7:31 pm
#4: “… Governor Palin’s daughter, Willow, was the one in attendence …”
#5: “… so what’s your point?”
Letterman was referring to the daughter in attendance. Willow is fourteen years old. Making such an accusation against a child is worse than tasteless.
15 gafisher // Jun 11, 2009 at 7:37 pm
NeaL Re#9 “I’m still waiting to hear a public objection from Alex Rodriguez …”
Rodriguez can afford a lawyer. What I’m waiting for is Letterman’s next encounter with flight attendants.
16 gafisher // Jun 11, 2009 at 7:43 pm
Despite Conan’s poor showing so far, execs at NBC must be thrilled they turned down Letterman for the Tonight Show … again.
Letterman, Couric, Rather — C BS must be the most appropriately-named network.
17 camojack // Jun 11, 2009 at 7:46 pm
#6 works for me. Sometimes, ignorance truly is bliss…
18 Darthmeister // Jun 11, 2009 at 8:10 pm
Victor Davis Hanson: “Letterman is a boor and a coward.” Well, maybe that’s why liberals thinks he’s so “funny.”
BTW, if Obamabots really support Obama’s plan to turn GM into Government Motors, then shouldn’t they be buying GM cars in the future … you know, putting their money where their party politics is? I pity the Audi and Volvo dealerships if that were to actually happen.
19 mindknumbed kid // Jun 11, 2009 at 8:21 pm
I would say that a guy who could tell a joke like that one has no respect for women, probably thinks of treating them in that way himself, and is probably pro-death as a result of his views. - But I could be wrong…
20 Darthmeister // Jun 11, 2009 at 8:21 pm
Given how the Donks and Obamessiah are now bringing this country to ruin I guess it’s not too farfetched to posit that those Americans confused by the liberal media propaganda blitz got so tired of being thought of as morons by the rest of the world that they went to the polls last November and removed all doubt.
21 mindknumbed kid // Jun 11, 2009 at 8:55 pm
Not saying that some are any better than others, however, some will fare better than others in the “end” ( a time that really should be referred to as the “beginning”).
Matthew 12:36
But I say unto you, That every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment.
22 gafisher // Jun 11, 2009 at 9:08 pm
Darth Re#18: “… shouldn’t they be buying GM cars in the future …”
Count on it. They’ll be waiting at the docks for the latest ones to arrive from China.
23 onlineanalyst // Jun 11, 2009 at 9:19 pm
Gov. Palin summed up Letterman in a word: pathetic.
Letterman is part of a club of middle-school snarkers who haven’t a clue about manliness.
24 Brave liberals attack innocent children « Pecanpii’s Weblog // Jun 12, 2009 at 6:24 am
[...] Scrappleface Top ten explanations for crude Letterman joke [...]
25 Jesse Raphial // Jun 12, 2009 at 9:59 am
It is amazing how far people read into a joke and making Letterman out to be a devil. It is comedy, nothing else, and when you are in the public eye, this is what happens. And if you think it was bad, you should listen to the opening comments of politicians speeches, now those are bad.
26 upnorthlurkin // Jun 12, 2009 at 1:14 pm
Sal, Letterman isn’t a devil….he’s just a washed up, has-been, sorry excuse for a man. He doesn’t have the talent to write his own jokes as is evidenced by the reruns during the writers’ strike. Now, my first thought when I heard of this attempt at humor was; Oooo, our resident squishy lib, bobby was trying his hand at writing again…. He did tell us he had tried his hand at writing comedy….this struck me as about his style….covetous, whiney, totally not funny.
27 boberinyetagain // Jun 12, 2009 at 3:02 pm
upnorth…you are correct…ex-comedy writer but no…not my “joke”
not that I never wrote an unfunny joke (well, not funny enough) but even I don’t see this one so much as a joke as a mistake. I can attest that when the deadline draws near you dip into the well and, at times, take nearly anything floating in there to fill the space…but sometimes…you dip too deeply as appears to have happened here.
28 boberinyetagain // Jun 12, 2009 at 3:04 pm
but thanks for thinking of me all the same!
29 upnorthlurkin // Jun 12, 2009 at 5:04 pm
Are you saying the “joke” (actually there were three….slutty Sarah, the knocked up one, and the one about Spitzer) wasn’t seen and rehearsed by Lecherman before he told it in his monologue?! Sorry, not buying it.
30 baragirl // Jun 12, 2009 at 8:15 pm
Right you are ,Upnort’. these jokes are written,vetted,printed on cue cardsand rehearsed. Many people see them and read them before the show.
These didn’t pop off the top of Litterman’s head, or get dredged from any well of filth, they were carefully thought out and Dirtman knew it was 14 year old Willow at the game.
The only time he was funny was when Bonnie Hunt was doing his writing.
31 Newsman // Jun 12, 2009 at 9:25 pm
D for Donk ???
Does that mean Darthmeister is a Donk ??? Or is he a Dink ??? Hard to discern the difference.
Oh heavens to Betsy that can’t be ???
32 baragirl // Jun 12, 2009 at 9:49 pm
Hey, youse Guys ,do you remember Don Imus?
You remember he made some very nasty little remarks about a Women’s Basketball team? His totally wrong insults really did pop out of the space in his head he calls his brain.Man, did the Newsman hit the fan. Splattered brown stuff all over everything.
But you know something , Don Imus said he was sorry ,over and over . He met with the team and apologized profusely. and those women weren’t 14. Didn’t matter (of course {shh} this was about race). So Imus was fired . Imus had his Epaulets cut off, and his buttons removed, and his stripes ripped from his sleeves.
Now, I would have refused to forgive him as the young ladies did,and I will never forgive Filthyman, either. God may,I won’t.
Who is he to talk of sluttishness. The mother of his illegitimate child must be pretty dog gone slutty. Poor kid . Social Services should remove him from that house of evil
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