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Clinton State Dept. Gives Benefits to Partners, Adulterers

by Scott Ott for ScrappleFace · 14 Comments · · Print This Story Print This Story

(2009-05-26) — Calling it “the right thing to do” Secretary of State Hillary Clinton today announced that the State Department would soon grant the same benefits to spouses and domestic partners as well as to those with whom U.S. diplomats conduct extra-marital affairs.

“Same sex or opposite sex, married or not, faithful or cheating — any time people come together intimately, taxpayers are morally obligated to take care of their every need,” said Secretary Clinton. “History has shown that some couples in adulterous affairs are more devoted to each other than they are to the ones with whom they share the bonds of holy matrimony.”

The Secretary of State went on to describe a “hypothetical scenario” in which a man cheats on his wife with a woman half his age.

“There’s a commitment there that can exceed marriage,” said Mrs. Clinton. “He buys gifts for his mistress. They have special places where they go to be alone. He thinks about her day and night, and goes to extraordinary lengths to be with her. No one else on earth is more important to him than his mistress…not even his wife, who has remained faithful to him for decades, putting up with his lies and halfhearted attempts at affection. Certainly the mistress deserves the same benefits, if not better ones, than a lawfully-wedded wife gets.”



Tags: Culture · Law · U.S. News

14 responses so far ↓

  • 1 boberinyetagain // May 26, 2009 at 9:36 am

    She might be on to something here…

  • 2 boberinyetagain // May 26, 2009 at 9:38 am

    Scott, you switched the thread before folks could “man up” and vote…don’t think anyone was going to take me up on it anyway…
    Oh well

  • 3 Jesse Raphial // May 26, 2009 at 10:29 am

    But if you are in the service and are gay, you can get thrown out. If you are a politician and are gay, you can be run out of office. If you are a citizen and gay, you don’t have any rights. But if work for the goverment overseas and you are gay, you are covered. Ok, I understand..not..

  • 4 Fred Sinclair // May 26, 2009 at 11:31 am

    Thought this very educational - for what it’s worth…

    FYI the National Debt handed to GW Bush by Clinton was approximately $5.7 Trillion. It hasn’t really seemed to matter whether Dems or Repubs are running the big show (either presidential or congressional); the results seem to always come out the same: You and I owe more when they leave than we did when they arrived. The temptation to try to buy votes by giving people more services than we have money to pay seems to afflict whichever brand of creature is in power.
    For a chart of the National Debt by presidential term, visit: http://www.skymachines.com/US-National-Debt-Per-Capita-Percent-of-GDP-and-by-Presidental-Term.htm

  • 5 Fred Sinclair // May 26, 2009 at 12:00 pm

    I read and watched the video - if you have any interest in firearms and/or self protection, I hope you will too. - Waxless Fred

    This if you haven’t already seen the tape or forgot it will tell you for sure that nObama is anti-American. nicky j.

    http://www.ignatius-piazza-front-sight.com/firearms54

  • 6 R.A.M. // May 26, 2009 at 3:00 pm

    Define irony:

    A wuss boy asking someone, (no wait, asking ANYONE) to “man up”! I bet you and “yapping” are as manly as Alan Colmes. He’s quite the “man” behind a keyboard too.

    :lol:

  • 7 gafisher // May 28, 2009 at 7:22 am

    Janet Reno threatened to take back the ring.

  • 8 Fred Sinclair // May 28, 2009 at 6:28 pm

    I just got this and found it very interesting…..

    Obama is stumping this week for Reid and tried to get an appointment with the Governor of Nevada to discuss things. I will be darned, but the Governor told Obama to take a hike!

    The White House offered an invitation to meet Obummer. Governor Jim Gibbons had this reply to the offer:

    “While I appreciate the offer, I am not interested in a handshake and a hello from President Obama, I am interested in an apology and plan to undo the damage the President did….”

    Working families are suffering because of the President’s remarks, Gibbons said in his statement, the president should retract his reckless statement about Las Vegas and make a public statement supporting business and tourist travel to Las Vegas and other destinations in the State of Nevada.

    Don’t ever doubt the power of the people in this Country when they finally decide to start fighting for what is right.

    Remember the American Revolution:

    Seventy (70%) percent of the people were loyal to the King or apathetic. The other 30% founded a Nation.

  • 9 Fred Sinclair // May 29, 2009 at 12:32 am

    I was thinking this to be pretty dumb (at first) but then the concept got to me. Try it out…….

    Subject: FW: New invention

    Unbelievable

    JUST WAIT TILL YOU GET THIS NEW TOOL
    future talk… 8 minutes from MIT labs

    Prepare to be astonished

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e6t1JxElEVw

  • 10 gafisher // May 29, 2009 at 7:19 am

    That’s amazing, Fred (Re#8) — MIT seems to be a wonderful environment for innovative Indians, and India just may be the world’s next technology leader. May already be, for that matter.

  • 11 Fred Sinclair // May 29, 2009 at 1:34 pm

    Some more of our men coming home. God bless them.

    Do watch the entire video; it’s absolutely beautiful.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C6f_FvZpm3g

  • 12 camojack // May 29, 2009 at 4:07 pm

    Now that’s what I call universal health care… :-(

  • 13 MajorDomo // Jun 1, 2009 at 12:46 am

    Scott, I hought this was a satire site. I read it twice, but this one seems a lot like a factual news report.

  • 14 Manufactured News Network(tm) | Cold Fury // Jun 2, 2009 at 10:51 pm

    [...] Republic will also send you a bag full of shiny promises…absolutely free! Trade them with all your State Department friends! Call [...]

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