(2008-10-09) — Despite the fact that his middle name has been branded as “inappropriate rhetoric” by his presidential rival, Barack Obama announced today that he’s scrapping a plan to change the name before inauguration day.
Just yesterday, the chairman of the Lehigh County (Pa.) Republican Party was chastised by Sen. John McCain’s campaign for using the name ‘Barack Hussein Obama’ during a McCain political rally.
Sen. McCain said he’s sensitive to the issue because his own middle name, Sidney, “sounds either foreign or girly” and he has threatened to “beat the gumption out of anyone who uses it…except for Gov. Palin, who could kick my keister six ways to Sunday.”
“We don’t have to stoop to reminding people,” said Sen. McCain, “that Sen. Obama has a middle name that crawls out of a spider hole and bows toward Mecca five times a day. Besides, if we wanted stir up xenophobia, we could just say ‘Barack Obama’…which I think comes from the bar scene in Star Wars.”
Initially, campaign insiders said, Sen. Obama mulled changing the name because he believed that the presidential oath of office administered by the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court had to include his full name.
“He didn’t want to spur panic in the small towns and rural areas where folks cling to their guns and religion,” an unnamed source said. “Obama has great compassion on the little people and he didn’t want them unduly alarmed.”
However, he abandoned name-change plans after a review of historical records revealed that Ronald Wilson Reagan (’81), James Earl ‘Jimmy’ Carter (’77) and Richard Milhouse Nixon’s (’73) middle names were left out when they took their oaths, each for a good reason.
President Reagan sought to avoid offering an uncompensated endorsement to the manufacturer of sporting equipment. Mr. Carter, a humble Georgia peanut farmer, grew concerned his middle name sounded like a pretentious title of royalty, and thus he used only ‘Jimmy’. Mr. Nixon, in a prophetic decision, helped historians avoid confusing him with Bart Simpson’s best friend.
Gerald R. Ford (’74) used his middle initial, to avoid having to say ‘Rudolph’ because he didn’t want to stir up the latent, but virulent, anti-Germanic sentiment that threatened to tear the nation apart during the disco era.
Both Lyndon Baines Johnson (’63) and John Fitzgerald Kennedy (’61), on the other hand, used their full names during the swearing-in ceremony, according to one presidential historian, “so they could have nifty, monogram nicknames like FDR.”
Sen. Obama noted again that he is not a Muslim, and that Americans shouldn’t fear his “funny sounding name.”
“If you want to be scared of something,” he added, “be frightened of my socialistic domestic policies, my amoral social policies and my capitulationist foreign policy. After all, what’s in a name?”
Your Donation Fuels Family-Friendly Satire
39 responses so far ↓
1 Just Ranting // Oct 9, 2008 at 9:49 am
Scott, this is hysterical, and belongs in a “best of” section among Scrappleface articles. I haven’t laughed that much in a long time. Thanks for a great day starter.
2 Just Ranting // Oct 9, 2008 at 9:51 am
…And lest we forget…God Bless America!
3 Ms RightWing, Ink // Oct 9, 2008 at 10:02 am
I agree. This article has to go to the Hall of Fame. Any chance you can get the lame stream media to publish this?
4 JamesonLewis3rd // Oct 9, 2008 at 10:27 am
Disco. E-e-e-e-e-ew-w-w-w
5 boberinyetagain // Oct 9, 2008 at 11:29 am
very amusing indeed Mr. Ott, congratulations
Go Ralph!
6 JamesonLewis3rd // Oct 9, 2008 at 12:24 pm
HUD says that five million illegal aliens hold illegal mortgages.
7 boberinyetagain // Oct 9, 2008 at 12:26 pm
I say we need 5 million more empty homes
That would solve the homeless problem once and for all. No one will care if you just move into one of the empties.
8 boberinyetagain // Oct 9, 2008 at 1:00 pm
We all own them anyway…now. Anyone want a house…cheap?
9 Godfrey // Oct 9, 2008 at 1:08 pm
Frankly, I don’t care whether Sidney or Hussein wins at this point: we appear to be bound for socialism either way. I cannot believe this great experiment only lasted two centuries…
God bless the U.S.S.A.
10 Fred Sinclair // Oct 9, 2008 at 1:51 pm
Jerry Holbert’s cartoon yesterday - priceless
“Liberals discussing the V.P. debate”
Male lib - “Then her head started to spin around, and the smell of sulfur filled the room! Then she levitated and objects started flying around.”
Female lib - “Yeah, I saw that.”
Male bystander - “The Exorcist?”
Female bystander - “Sarah Palin”
Nothing like a good cartoonist to cut to the heart of the matter.
11 upnorthlurkin // Oct 9, 2008 at 1:57 pm
After yesterday’s Townhall article, I’m more than a little tempted to write-in Scott Ott/Sarah Palin! As I commented over there, what has happened to common sense?!
12 upnorthlurkin // Oct 9, 2008 at 2:04 pm
ps. I believe wholeheartedly that the media’s slavish devotion to and support of Bar-aaaack(and now predicting a landslide) is all an attempt to suppress voter turnout. That’s the other way they can win…..if we all stay home. (In case you missed my earlier opinion the only other way they win is to CHEAT!
13 Fred Sinclair // Oct 9, 2008 at 2:05 pm
…..pu….shhh….
14 Possumtrot // Oct 9, 2008 at 3:09 pm
You nailed it with that last paragraph, Great Scott! There is a lot to be frightened of for the “guns ‘n God” people, but Osama Bamalama’s given name isn’t in the mix.
“Keep the Change” (Part III) is up over at United Possums International. Thanks for letting me post my links here. It’s a long read, but the gist is reiterating what I’ve said before: we must win back Congress in the upcoming election, and not worry about a socialist, surrender-monkey rock star with a funny name.
["Surrender-monkey" is not a racist term, and if you read it that way, you have more personal problems than I do.]
15 Fred Sinclair // Oct 9, 2008 at 3:23 pm
As Rush said earlier (he said it yesterday too) at this point in Oct. 2000 algore was leading by 11 points - right now B. Hussein Obama is leading by 2 points with a plus or minus of 3, which is why the Obama camp is running scared. The election is basically tied!
More references are being made to the 1948 election when all of the polls back then had Thomas Dewey winning by a landslide. Las Vegas and Reno vied for the longest betting odds - I think the day before the election they were 22-1.
According to an aide the most surprised person in America the morning after was Harry Truman (he too had believed the polls) he had to be reassured repeatedly that he had actually won. Probably the second most surprised person was Dewey.
16 boberinyetagain // Oct 9, 2008 at 4:00 pm
The boy’s name Hussein \hu(s)-sein\ is pronounced hoo-SAYN. It is of Arabic origin, and its meaning is “good; small handsome one”.
The horror!
17 Hawkeye // Oct 9, 2008 at 4:04 pm
Obama’s middle name is his most important attribute. That’s the secret weapon that Barack is counting on to get Mahmoud Ahmadinejad to give up his nukes! He will go and meet with M.A. in Tehran and just keep repeating it over and over again… “Hussein, Hussein, Hussein!” And then Abracadabra! Ahmadinejad gives in. COOL, huh?
18 boberinyetagain // Oct 9, 2008 at 4:25 pm
That might just work!
19 RepublicanAttackMachine // Oct 9, 2008 at 4:37 pm
Good point Scott. After all, what is in a name anyway? I thought this while watching the Colts-Texans game Sunday. Everytime they said, “Houston coach, Gary Kubiak-”, I thought, it would be AWFUL easy to make fun of his name too, and call him, “Gary Scooby-snack”, even though that would not be right to do!
I like the middle name Mark Levin gave O’Bama, “Milhouse”, although I am SURE, we will think of even MORE name to call “Hussein” IF, he is elected. MOST of which would be deleted here!
20 RepublicanAttackMachine // Oct 9, 2008 at 4:43 pm
As I noted in a personal email to Hawkeye, I USED to think O’Bama was a Muslim, but have changed my mind because of his voting record.
After all, what kind of practicing Muslim votes for that much “pork”?
21 gafisher // Oct 9, 2008 at 4:46 pm
I wonder what middle name he used during the Barry Sotero years. Manilow?
22 mig // Oct 9, 2008 at 6:11 pm
How is the Flag going to be changed?
23 Darthmeister // Oct 9, 2008 at 6:34 pm
Why shouldn’t Barack Hussein Obama be proud of his middle name? It’s not like it was Adolf or something. Goodness, you’d think he would want to change his last name since people like Ted Kennedy keep calling him Mr. Osama.
And why isn’t Obama proud of his (in his words) “Muslim faith”? I thought Islam was the religion of peace, far more peaceful than American Christianity according to his “Reverend” Jeremiah Wright and his good friend and spiritual pal, Louis Farrakhan?
I mean, in the final analysis, shouldn’t B. Hussein Obama be proud of his father’s African Muslim heritage? Why is he running away from his Islamic roots on his father’s side and his mother’s atheist roots on the other? I guess he’s ashamed of his own family … including his white racist grandmother.
From Investors Business Daily:
IS ACORN STEALING THE ELECTIONS?
The group’s voter-registration fraud is rampant, and authorities plan a nationwide sweep of ACORN offices to collect records. …
In North Carolina, where Obama has been running nonstop ads, ACORN has registered a record number of new voters, many of them suspicious. Statewide, Democrats are doing better than the GOP in new converts — even in traditionally Republican counties. There have been 218,749 newly registered Democrats in North Carolina since January — more than five times the 38,337 new Republicans, state records show. …
Suspicious election officials sent letters to some 5,000 ACORN registrants in St. Louis, asking the letter recipients to contact them. Fewer than 40 responded.
In Kansas City, 15,000 registrations have been questioned, and last year four ACORN employees were indicted for fraud.
In addition, ACORN officials have also been indicted in Wisconsin and Colorado. Investigations against others are active in Ohio, Florida, Pennsylvania and Tennessee.
ACORN has also been registering convicted felons — including inmates — in Florida and other battleground states.
ACORN boasts registering a record 1.5 million new voters so far this election.
It is reasonable to ask whether ACORN is in fact a criminal conspiracy to subvert the voting rights of Americans. Which makes it all the more remarkable that Barack Obama paid ACORN $800,000 to register new voters, and then lied about it, falsely telling the Federal Elections Commission that the $800,000 went to a group called Citizen Services Inc. for “advance work.”
Again, Obama supporters can rest peacefully knowing crooked Democrats are engaged in rampant voter fraud and Obamessiah is very adept at lying in covering up his very close relationship with ACORN in the present and in the past when he was a member of the socialist New Party up to 1996.
24 Darthmeister // Oct 9, 2008 at 6:35 pm
… (sigh)
25 mindknumbed kid // Oct 9, 2008 at 6:43 pm
Thank you all for your prayers, dad got out of surgery about an hour ago and the doctor said his body is a very young 80. Unfortunately the tumor was not “encapsulted” as they had thought, but was “spidered”, so they could not get all of it and what his motor skills will be is unpredictable. No word on whether or not it was malignant yet. Last guess was a year or less, every day being a gift from God. To which I say, isn’t that the way we ought to look at life anyhow? More as the details come in. Again, thank you all for praying for us.
26 Fred Sinclair // Oct 9, 2008 at 7:13 pm
mkk #24 - There’s a whole bunch of Scrapplers who believe in the power of prayer. As a very young 70 I can relate. The x-rays show that I have an aneurism on my aorta, near my heart that could ‘blow out’ (rupture) at any time, so I can relate as to living every day as a gift from God.
I went up to Grand Rapids in ‘05 to see a surgeon who specializes in repairing aneurisms. As we talked he said he would “open you up from armpit to groin” etc. etc. then I asked “do you lose any patients with that kind of surgery?” He actually replied, “only about 15%” then I asked, what is the survival rate for those who elect to not have the surgery?” He replied, “About 85%” (so that’s 15% who don’t make it). I elected to not have the operation. Each year another 15% go.
If the Lord calls me home, I’m ready to go. Whether it’s today, tomorrow or 20 years from now.
Your Dad’s a very young 80 so enjoy him while you can and let him know there is an army of ‘prayer warriors’ praying for him and his family.
27 camojack // Oct 9, 2008 at 8:20 pm
Obama bin Biden!
wv: head overboard - not a bad idea when you’re on a sinking ship (of State).
28 beaglescout // Oct 9, 2008 at 8:29 pm
Hilarious!
Seventeen Uighur terrorists, taken prisoner by the US in an Al Qaeda training camp in Afghanistan, whom Judge Ricardo Urbina yesterday ordered be released onto the streets of Washington DC by this Friday, today had the terms of their release challenged by Winton Demarassey, ACLU lawyer. Demarassey stated, since the DC gun ban was overthrown by DC v. Heller, Washington DC was no longer a safe place for Muslim terrorists to settle down.
More…
29 Fred Sinclair // Oct 9, 2008 at 8:44 pm
Interesting - I never knew B. hussein Obama was described in the Talmud. - Interesting, for sure.
“Devar Vechatsi Devar”
A Hebrew expression whose literal translation is “Something and Half of Something.” It is one of the few instances of sarcasm found in the Talmud, and basically, it means… “Nothing.”
30 mindknumbed kid // Oct 9, 2008 at 8:48 pm
Nothing new here, but this is interesting.
http://www.eyeblast.tv/public/video.aspx?RsrcID=2036
Comments from Ayer’s “woman”.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y2yYXVmrj5A
Now do you understand “change”?
31 mindknumbed kid // Oct 9, 2008 at 9:19 pm
Don’tcha just love the way this massive bailout plan is working? Perhaps America has strayed too far from God to continue in her prosperity? Most seem to think that if we can just manipulate things right, or if we have smart enough economists to show us the way we will never see bad times again.
Barry-O talks about “change”, what has that meant to him since being elected to the Senate? It would appear that it means little since he has managed to get more out of Fannie than anyone else in the past couple years, save one. Business as usual in Crooktown, DC. The founding fathers wouldn’t even recognize the system they established, I suspect many of today’s players would be in jail if Madison and his gang were around, being elected to represent as constituency should prevent a moral person from accepting donations, a person working against fair and legal elections should be considered as an act of treason.
But,”if my people will humble themselves and pray…”
Here is an idea, let’s organize every one of “his people” that we can for a week of prayer and fasting the week prior to the election. Any takers? Just spread the word to everyone you know and see if it will happen.
32 RepublicanAttackMachine // Oct 9, 2008 at 10:05 pm
Not wishing to be “outdone” by his running mate, Joe Biden TEMPORARILY changed his name during a campaign stop to John McCain!
I guess they are looking for that cross over vote?
To be serious, Biden WAS introduced as “-the next vice president of the United States, John McCain!”
33 RepublicanAttackMachine // Oct 9, 2008 at 10:08 pm
MKK: First I have seen about your dad, I am saying a prayer for him AND all his family!
34 mindknumbed kid // Oct 9, 2008 at 11:14 pm
Good news! Dad seems to be doing just fine, talking, knows people, and can move his arms and hands pretty much normal. The doctors are very pleased and say he will only need evaluated every 6 months, sounds as though the one year limit has been reevaluated. I’ve had complete peace throughout the whole event, even with the seriousness of the situation I’ve been so sure that it was going to be alright. Praise the Lord! prayer works.
35 Fred Sinclair // Oct 9, 2008 at 11:25 pm
beaglescout #27 - I read the whole piece and just posted this to the beaglescout blog.
Fred Sinclair Says:
October 9, 2008 at 9:17 pm
Actually this is something I would expect to find on Scott Ott?s blog - ?ScrappleFace?. It?s hilarious and only about a nickel away from being ?right on?
Personally, I would close Gitmo (Sorry Rush) and since Israel ?owes? us a few favors, ship them to Israel. Let the ACLU deal with THEM. No, that?s a bad idea, Israel would turn around and swap the bunch of them to Hammas for one Israeli soldier (alive or even a dead body).
Better idea, put all of Gitmo detainees on a Princess luxury Cruise Liner and when it mistakenly goes off course and ?cruises? past an old rusting hulk being used as a target for Navy ?Top Gun? Pilot?s practice just as a new pilot in training makes a tactical error in target acquisition. We could make requisite apologies bwo diplomatic channels.
36 Fred Sinclair // Oct 9, 2008 at 11:28 pm
btw - where did all the question marks come from in my #34 - I didn’t use any.
37 Possumtrot // Oct 10, 2008 at 12:08 am
MKK-I heard it too often in the passing of my parents: “I am so sorry for your loss”. What I wanted to say, but never did out of respect for the sentiment they were trying to offer, was:
“Excuse me. I haven’t lost anything or anyone. I know exactly where they are, and I look forward to joining them at a later date.”
I am coming off several death watches. We miss them while God keeps us around on this mortal coil for His inscrutable purposes.
Your dad is on my prayer list.
Keeping the faith on Scorpion Hill…
38 mig // Oct 10, 2008 at 6:09 am
Godfrey-
I agree. McCain is like Hillary and Obama is an arrogant evil. ( Even though I pray that we don’t have to live through Obama)
We get the gov’t we deserve and if this country deserves liberal philosophy personified, then so be it. If it is time to actually struggle and suffer, instead of stamping feet whining at every turn in the road, so be it.
Our generation squanders the right to live as graciously as we do. Education is wasted by the youth, freedom is wasted by the boomers.
39 gafisher // Oct 10, 2008 at 8:45 am
“Perhaps America has strayed too far from God to continue in her prosperity?”
Long, long ago, mkk. At least as far back as the 1930s, and perhaps more than a century earlier when we began funding federal spending with fiat money, in effect borrowing against our own future. We have not enjoyed true prosperity since that day. Think of it as Uncle Sam losing his job with five credit cards maxed out.
You must log in to post a comment.