(2008-09-30) — Sen. Barack Obama, D-IL, in an effort to demonstrate the leadership qualities which will make him a great president, today offered his own proposal to defuse the current financial crisis in the wake of yesterday’s failure of the Bush-Pelosi financial-sector bailout plan.
“The House rejected the bailout because folks don’t trust [Treasury Secretary] Hank Paulson — a complete stranger — to manage the distribution of $700 billion in taxpayer money,” said Sen. Obama. “My plan calls for putting in charge of that cash pile someone the people of the world can trust — namely me, Barack Obama.”
The Barack Obama Modified Bailout plan would place the same virtually-untrammeled powers in the hands of a man who has already earned the peoples’ trust by distributing tens of millions of dollars in campaign contributions to consultants, caterers and charter airlines.
Sen. Obama said that once given the authority, he would start to stabilize markets by ensuring the election of Democrats who have received large campaign contributions from Fannie Mae, Freddie Mac and other financial giants.
“Those investments are at risk if Democrats lose in November,” said Sen. Obama. “Uncertainty is the enemy of free markets. By using part of the $700 billion to guarantee that Democrats own Congress and the White House, credit markets will loosen up and money will flow freely again. Then we can return to the days when the news wasn’t dominated by bad mortgages, imprudent investments, and irresponsible CEOs escaping accountability. People don’t want to hear that stuff. My plan will help them recapture their bliss.”
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25 responses so far ↓
1 camojack // Sep 30, 2008 at 8:15 am
Show me the money…
2 gafisher // Sep 30, 2008 at 8:55 am
I like that better than Obama’s previous proposal to have Bill Ayers toss cash bombs through Wall Street doorways. Still needs work, though; maybe greenlining the financial district would help.
wv - HOUSE Carnegie - She’s not fat (below the ears), but the show was over when Pelosi sang.
3 gafisher // Sep 30, 2008 at 9:00 am
Maybe not as OT as it might seem — pollsters are now saying the reason Obama isn’t dominating in the polls is that polls aren’t allowed to call cell phones, the owners of which are overwhelmingly presumed to be Obama supporters. So I guess that strengthens the case that cell phones are linked to brain damage …
wv - protect good - “Tinfoil protect good, troll not worry.”
4 boberinyetagain // Sep 30, 2008 at 9:11 am
Ah bliss…sign me up.
Good stuff Scott!
5 Fred Sinclair // Sep 30, 2008 at 9:23 am
This is enough to make me want to vomit all over my keyboard! This is so plausible that it makes me suspect that Scott has a time machine, hidden in a closet and he takes these trips into the future, reads the newspaper headlines and then comes back to report the news as Satire on his blog.
I want to scream, run about, fall down, kick my heels and drum my head on the floor!!!!! ( aka “Have a hissy-fit”.—-hissy |ˈhisÄ“| (also hissy fit) noun an angry outburst or tantrum.) all the while screaming “It’s not fair!”; “It’s not fair!”; “It’s not fair!”. Scott gets all the news in advance……..Wait just a minute……hold on there! That would explain his sudden “newfound” wealth!
Ah-ha! He’s been outed! Having read tomorrow’s newspaper, he already knows which horse is going to win! Way to go, Scott!!!
“….someone the people of the world can trust — namely me, Barack Obama.” WoW! that’s scary.
B.O. reminds me of an old ‘Fairy Tale’ - this gnome tells this kid, “You can have all the gold and jewels, anything you want but you must remember, no matter what I say, you have to accept it as the reverse of fact”.
Fortunately the kid was a conservative and realized that the gnome had really just said, “You can not have all the gold and jewels….”, so he whopped the gnome a good one and ran all the way back home. The End
B.O. is such a (nice word coming up) prevaricator that no matter what he says, you have to accept it as the reverse of fact.
If all America could be made to understand that one simple truth, McCain/Palin would beat Reagan & Nixon’s record. (49 out of 50)!!!
B.O. STINKS
6 Fred Sinclair // Sep 30, 2008 at 9:31 am
gafisher #3 - cell phones = brain damage - thank you for that, it helps explain why I don’t have one. My brain damage must be hereditary so I can’t blame cell phones. It’s all in the DNA.
IN GOD WE TRUST
7 Fred Sinclair // Sep 30, 2008 at 9:32 am
…—…
8 seneuba // Sep 30, 2008 at 9:44 am
Barack Obama Modified Bailout ?
You mean the B.O.M.B.?
NOW I get it! Too funny!
Thanks Scott!
9 Fred Sinclair // Sep 30, 2008 at 10:36 am
gafisher #3 - Cell phones and brain damage? Perhaps a better analogy to explain the liberals who live amongst us is maturity; Contending with liberals is sort of like playing games with 3 year olds; they always want to change the rules to suit themselves. Liberals simply never grew up, emotionally. They live in an adult world with the emotional stability of a 3 year old!
The DNA factor could be responsible for the stunted maturity, oh, eventually they learn to dress themselves, brush their teeth and not make messes on the carpet but since no one can lie quite like a 3 year old, they carry that ability with them for the rest of their lives.
Rather than maturing, they demand that you get down with them and play their game by their ever changing rules. The exasperating moment is when you find out that they’ve changed the rules and neglected to tell you about it! “……yet his foolishness will not depart from him.”
[deleted]
10 Fred Sinclair // Sep 30, 2008 at 10:37 am
./.
11 mig // Sep 30, 2008 at 10:37 am
Ah, did the ACORN fall out of his tree?
Estates Little- what his house will be?
12 Shelly // Sep 30, 2008 at 11:02 am
He’s planning on spending WAY more than that. I keep telling myself that America’s reaction to this “crisis” can’t be to send in the rookie. Especially when his running mate is so “experienced” that he thinks FDR was President and on television in 1929.
13 RepublicanAttackMachine // Sep 30, 2008 at 11:40 am
They would have entrusted the 700 Billion to Wm Jefferson but, no one could find a freezer that big!
Besides, it would have cost an additional 3 Million for the aluminum foil to wrap it in.
14 Fred Sinclair // Sep 30, 2008 at 11:43 am
Scott, I’m curious as to what was deleted from my post #9?
Everything I wrote is there except for B.O. STINKS, which has never before been deleted and is still posted in my #5, this thread. I’m curious because the word [deleted] could cause someone who didn’t know me to think it might have been something ‘not nice’ that was deleted?????
15 gafisher // Sep 30, 2008 at 12:35 pm
This is one of the most chilling pieces of video I’ve ever seen. Chairman Ba’0 makes Freddy Kreuger look like Winnie the Pooh.
16 gafisher // Sep 30, 2008 at 12:38 pm
I dunno, Fred. They say [deleted] even on daytime TV, and [deleted] is becoming common on the late-night shows. In the movies, even [deleted] is apparently OK. But [deleted]?
That’s really pushing the envelope …
(Nobody here would suspect you of using such language.)
17 Mack // Sep 30, 2008 at 12:48 pm
Once again Nancy Pelosi shoots the wind. She claims that Republicans shot down her bill when her caucus had the majority and could have carried it without a single Republican vote. Perhaps the bill was not worth carrying?
Of the two Democrat congressmen from Iowa, one voted for it one against. The one who voted for it has no opponent in this election. The other is in a tight race and his constituents don’t like the idea of any bail out at all.
Maybe the Democrats could help by giving Fanny and Freddie back all those campaign contributions they received. It would only be a few million dollars as opposed to the $700 billion Nancy Pelosi failed to get her caucus to support, but it would be a start.
18 JamesonLewis3rd // Sep 30, 2008 at 1:09 pm
McCain has an interesting ad.
This article is one I consider a must-read. It is long but filled with irrefutable information regarding the nefarious anti-American career of BO.
19 gafisher // Sep 30, 2008 at 1:30 pm
For an excellent analysis of the bailout and what led to the current situation, along with some very good suggestions for people who want to know what to do now, read this.
.
20 gafisher // Sep 30, 2008 at 1:52 pm
Mack Re#17: “[Pelosi] claims that Republicans shot down her bill …”
Given that the American people opposed the bailout by a two to one margin, the Republicans should be thankful for Pelosi’s endorsement. The GOP should be taking credit for this in every interview.
21 da Bunny // Sep 30, 2008 at 2:33 pm
The real “financial crisis” will begin if Obama gets elected [via the ignorant, the lazy, the LSM, and ACORN fraud] in combination with a demon-crat-controlled Congress.
22 JamesonLewis3rd // Sep 30, 2008 at 3:30 pm
Until they (the government) stops Forcing banks and other lending institutions to make the loans (initiated by Carter and turbo-boosted by Clinton) that no sane person would make, a “bail-out” or “rescue” is impossible.
23 Just Ranting // Sep 30, 2008 at 5:34 pm
So I’m watching Fox & Friends this morning while I’m getting breakfast together, and there’s a reporter at a Dunkin’ Donuts shop in Scranton PA. He is asking patrons about their feelings on the bailout. The droopy eyed doughnut dunking denizens grunted their universal displeasure at Washington’s bailout of the Wall Street creeps who played a game of “3 card Monty” with their 401-k plans.
One chirpy little college professor type grinned while he blamed it all on Bush and the Republicans. Everyone else continued to graze on their oat bran muffins. The reporter then asked for a show of hands for those who will vote for McCain and those who will vote for Obama. About 2/3rds raised their hand for the Democratic nominee.
They just got finished complaining about the bailout package Obama and the Dems were trying to drive through Congress like that bus about to explode in the movie “Speed”. With their next sip they say they are going to vote for the thieves who just bilked them out of their retirement.
You have to wonder what Dunkin’ Donuts puts in that coffee.
24 mindknumbed kid // Sep 30, 2008 at 6:34 pm
Do-no, but I sure ain’t drinkin’ it!
25 What some Christian bloggers think about bailout, part Deux | blogs4God // Oct 2, 2008 at 7:56 am
[...] ScrappleFace by Scott Ott - Obama Steps Up to Solve Financial Crisis (2008-09-30) — Sen. Barack Obama, D-IL, in an effort to demonstrate the leadership qualities [...]
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