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Slumping Stores Blame 9-11, Not Lousy Service

by Scott Ott · No Comments

(2002-11-30) — A new survey of U.S. retailers finds that store managers whose sales are slumping blame the 9-11 terrorist attack rather than poor customer service.
Jewel Naismith, a slack-jawed teen “service associate” at an unnamed mall store, sports a pierced tongue, crimson brushcut hair and low-rider jeans that frequently reveal a dragon tattoo on her upper buttocks. She said the survey results are born out by her personal experience.
“People are scared to come here because of Yosama Vin Latte and that whole La Quinta terrorist thing,” Miss Naismith said. “Hardly anyone came in all day on Black Friday. I was going to straighten up the store a little, but I got into an intense text-message discussion with my boyfriend. Then the people who did come in acted like they were ‘all that’. Like I was supposed to drop everything and wait on them hand and foot.”
Despite strong sales at Wal-Mart and other major retailers, some stores still can’t shake the effects of the terror attacks.
Bob Grissam, whose downtown hardware store is open from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. weekdays, said, “I may have to sell the business. It’s that bad. Some of my clerks think we should change our store hours, but what do they know? I think people are just terrified that someone’s going to fly a jet into this hardware store. So they stay home and order from Amazon.com.”

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Tags: U.S. News

0 responses so far ↓

  • 1 cut on the bias // Dec 3, 2002 at 8:32 pm

    Not straightfaced - Scrapplefaced

    Scott Ott at Scrappleface continues to post superb satires daily. The man is a blog-treasure. The one about why some