(2008-01-22) — As global stock indexes plunged yesterday on U.S. housing worries, recession fears and concerns about a $145 billion economic stimulus package proposed by President George Bush, stock exchanges moved to diversify their entertainment offerings to woo traders with an experience that’s “not just about betting against prosperity anymore.”
“We’re transforming the industry to create broad-based adrenaline-pumping experiences at resort-style properties, with big-name entertainment, fabulous dining and luxurious comfort services,” according to an unnamed spokesman for an industry group representing stock exchanges in London, Paris, Tokyo, Hong Kong and New York, among others.
The exchanges have already lined up major entertainers — like Elton John, Penn & Teller, Celine Dion, Bette Midler, and the “super group” Tony Bennett with Duran Duran. Most have begun converting office space into “customer comfort zones where the weary stock trader can unwind after a day of gambling with the lives of the little people.”
The exchanges plan to offer a wide selection of “comps” — complimentary drinks, meals and plush overnight suites — to traders based on how much of their client’s money they wager.
The industry group also unveiled a new marketing message designed to get traders to consider their expanded range of services: “Stock Exchanges: Don’t Sell Us Short.”
27 responses so far ↓
1 paultheeggman // Jan 22, 2008 at 8:44 am
FIRST!!!
2 camojack // Jan 22, 2008 at 8:48 am
↑ First with nothing to say. ↑
3 camojack // Jan 22, 2008 at 8:51 am
Now, as for actually having something to say, that “$145 billion economic stimulus package proposed by President George Bush” seems to have had the opposite effect before it even gets started…
4 Libby Gone // Jan 22, 2008 at 9:20 am
We have nothing to fear but fear itself.
Withdrawl please.
wv: scratch immediate = if it itches…..
5 gafisher // Jan 22, 2008 at 9:20 am
Perhaps the Indians can start opening stock trading floors around the country. Hey, and maybe the states themselves can get into the fun — imagine “Stock-O-Lotto” machines at every convenience store!
6 conserve-a-tips // Jan 22, 2008 at 10:18 am
“…where the weary stock trader can unwind after a day of gambling with the lives of the little people.â€
Unfortunately, as in the 1920’s, the ‘little people’ are gambling with their own lives. The credit crunch goes all the way down to the $20,000 income that is paying for that $25,000 car.
And what does the Fed do? Well, let’s see: Foolish people borrowing foolishly from foolish lenders loaning foolishly and the Fed makes it possible for the foolishness to continue. Riiiggght.
wv copy Mitchell: who’s Mitchell?
7 RedPepper // Jan 22, 2008 at 11:21 am
Wah-hoo!
Let’s party like it’s 1929!
8 Maggie // Jan 22, 2008 at 11:42 am
Why are we ” buying ” into the Demoncratic “stock ” of lies and spin on the economy?
9 Maggie // Jan 22, 2008 at 11:46 am
Red Pepper…..1929….funny now but not then :>)
Good to see your post.
10 Hawkeye // Jan 22, 2008 at 12:30 pm
Aw Scott! Now you’ve done it… You’ve “burst my bubble”
was huddle: now at the line of scrimmage.
11 Hawkeye // Jan 22, 2008 at 12:32 pm
I think I’ll “put” a “call” into my broker…
12 Hawkeye // Jan 22, 2008 at 12:33 pm
What “options” do we have?
13 conserve-a-tips // Jan 22, 2008 at 3:00 pm
Hawkeye: ” Don’t short me bro!”
You do know that Jean Dixon played the futures…
dozen Aids: Number required by First Lady Bill Clinton
14 everthink // Jan 22, 2008 at 4:37 pm
This would be a good time for Dumbyah to drag out that Social Security privatization plan of his again; don’t you think?
ET
15 gafisher // Jan 22, 2008 at 4:58 pm
Now Fred and Duncan are both available for a VP run. Sad to lose their influence in the Primaries.
16 Beerme // Jan 22, 2008 at 5:25 pm
I’ll take the free market roller coaster over the government bailout tilt-a-whirl, any old time!
Pheww! I’m getting dizzy…
17 gafisher // Jan 22, 2008 at 5:28 pm
et Re#14: “… Social Security privatization plan …”
Ain’t that the truth! The “Social Security Trust Fund” isn’t any too secure, while even with an occasional stumble the Stock Market is still a great investment, and right now a bargain besides! Grab a bucket — it’s rainin’ gravy!
18 Beerme // Jan 22, 2008 at 5:34 pm
MsRW,
re:previous thread…
“I think we should do it the week after Labor Day so we can make it to the Scutching (sp) Festival and the Ohiopyle Folk Festival.”
I agree. I was sooo wanting to see me some scutching! (what the flax is scutching?)
19 mindknumbed kid // Jan 22, 2008 at 5:56 pm
re#38 from the last genuine Scrappleface thread:
prettyold - thanks for stirring my memory. I have some friends in the USAF from down in Tennessee who used to sing this song written by Dee Gaskin.
The Sun’s Coming Up
Once again I faced Satan this morning, And I battled him all the day long: But in my weakness God sent reinforcements, And at sundown I sang victory’s song.
(Chorus)
And the sun’s coming up in the morning, Every tear will be gone from my eyes; This old clay’s gonna give way to glory, And like an eagle, I’ll take to the sky.
In a world filled with doubts and confusion, It’s so hard when you don’t understand; Oh, but I’ll stand on a solid foundation And I’ll hold to an unchanging hand.
Repeat Chorus
I do love that song and those special friends from Tennessee.
20 mindknumbed kid // Jan 22, 2008 at 6:06 pm
re Fred and Duncan being available for vice president slots……VP for whom? Who is the best remaining candidate? Romney, who makes some dandy speaches,but seems to be saying what we want to hear - does he mean it? Rudy, a social liberal, but he did do a great job running NYC did he not?Huckabee, who doesn’t seem to have a clue and loves to let criminals go free? McCain, who seems to live for opportunities to stab conservatives and his party in general in the back?
21 Ms RightWing, Ink // Jan 22, 2008 at 7:17 pm
How big do you have to get before you are no longer a wee people.
Starr Ish:
Lillian Gish’s granddaughter who shunned Hollywood for a career in TV Journalism. Not to be confused with star fish which is a sea creature who lays on the sand playing dead, hoping soon a tourist will pick it up and take it home.
Are my answers to long?
22 Fred Sinclair // Jan 22, 2008 at 7:27 pm
Kinda like camping by the river and scratching your head as you try to puzzle out how you’re going to extinguish your campfire. Duh, er, er, didn’t anybody ever tell you that the river of water beside you would go a long way in solving your problem?
President Bush knows how - it works wonders every time it’s used, with a 100% success rate. Margaret Thatcher used it to turn Britain’s economy from the sewer bottom and a worldwide “Bad Credit Risk†to the world’s 17th most thriving economy.
Ronald Reagan took the reins from Jimmy Who? and duplicated what Thatcher had done - with, of course the same exact results. President Bush got his feet wet (but just a little bit) but he tried to douse the campfire with shot glasses of that river water instead of buckets full like Thatcher and Reagan used.
(for the benefit of those in Rio Linda) The economy is the campfire and massive tax cuts are the river water. Of course the tax cuts are simply part of the package which includes entitlement benefits cut to exactly 80% of their current budget. Signs in all Government offices that read “LESS IS MORE”. Any Government program that simply cannot be maintained with their 80% would automatically be terminated.
Oil companies would be told to drill wells anywhere in America or offshore while the Sierra Club would be told their 1st Amendment rights have been suspended and they can shut their mouths. Oil refineries to be built in whatever numbers are needed.
Detroit would be told to stop making those little pregnant roller skates and get back to the business of building automobiles again. Algore will be sent to a re-education camp to receive the professional mental health care he so obviously needs.
So there is the economic stimulus package that would work, but will never see the light of day outside of ScrappleFace for the simple reason that it would work.
Heirborn Ranger
wv - Burkhart said……”Heirborn’s plan will work!”
23 mindknumbed kid // Jan 22, 2008 at 7:44 pm
The best and brightest are at home with their feet up sipping iced tea and scratching their heads…..Nothing against Cheney, but what was George thinking when he picked him as VP, if he had chosen Fred, Duncan, or Tom then we could have had a shot at running them now as being more “experienced” than sHrillary. Why is every candidate trying to portray themselves as the next Reagan, when clearly they are not. I’d rather have someone who would step up and say I ain’t Reagan, I stand for this, this, and this and you shpuld vote for me because of this and that, not because he tries to throw his line around someone that he ain’t and pretending and wishing his way down the trail. And be willing to make enough noise to get the voting publics’ attention whether the MSM wants you to have it or not.
And this stupid “stimulous package” is like all of Washington organizing a parade down main street, USA with their pockets full of candy tossing it into the street to all of the anxious children with mouths full of sweet tooths that need a quick fix. How in the world did we get to this?! I don’t even need to gorge myself on their goodies to feel like puking!
You candidates want MY vote? Butcher the sacred pig, give me a simple tax system, fix social security or let me opt out and quit rolling over to every two bit no good, no God nation/thug crawling out of the cracks of evil the world over. Someone that will make us all stand up and shout that we are Americans and darn proud of it! And if they don’t like us they can tell it to our knuckles as they introduce themselves to their noses. Who was thumbing their noses at the US of A when WWII was over? I’d like to live in a country that was still smashing the noses of anyone who dared to speak against us,instead of one full of professional apologists for existing! And if you don’t like those that we are allied with, that’s tough, we will not conform to your will, but our will.
I know, I know, I’m probably an evil Zionist and you think I am a hate mongering racist, NO, I am not, I am an American citizen that is not willing to be neutered by a bunch of PC, secular, atheists that tell me that this country was founded and made great by diversity, when it was made a great nation because of the blessings of the Almighty God of creation and by seeking HIS favor as a nation founded on HIS laws and principles, not as a theocracy, but as free people with a now long lost holy fear of God. Nothing happens without his permission or outside of his knowledge and control. No one is redeemed in and of themselves, no one is sustained in and of themselves, no one will develop his own way to reign in this life or one to come, overthrowing God or forcing their ways on him. Every knee will one day bow and acknowledge him and his authority, and like it or not, he and he alone will judge according to his standards. Jesus Christ is Lord, and without building on and maintaining that fundamental foundation, a nation will not and can not remain.
24 mindknumbed kid // Jan 22, 2008 at 7:46 pm
I’m not sure where that exactly was coming from, or if it was coherent, but I feel better now…
25 Effeminem // Jan 22, 2008 at 8:40 pm
Hey, 145000000000.00$us is just a drop in the bucket compared to entitlements.
__,,,(^u^),,,__ where’s my handout, wot.
26 mindknumbed kid // Jan 22, 2008 at 8:52 pm
Heh, I used to carry that much all of the time until I got an American Express Card…..Do you know me?
27 Effeminem // Jan 22, 2008 at 10:26 pm
No, but I bet the guy at 7-11 hated making change for you.
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