(2007-08-27) — Regions of Afghanistan still controlled by the Taliban last year produced 93 percent of the world’s opium, according to a new United Nations report, which links the illicit drug boom to the growing popularity of the Koran.
An unnamed U.N. source said, “It’s hard to tell whether people are inspired to plant poppies after reading the Koran, or whether contact with all that opium draws them naturally to the wisdom of the Koran. Either way, the money goes to fund Islamic jihad.”
However, a Taliban source said that according to the Muslim holy book, “it is permissible to sell illicit drugs to buy illegal weapons to slaughter infidel civilians.”
“The combination of illicit, illegal and infidel is a triple negative,” said Taliban spokesman Mullah Mullaha Mullahaha, “Three negatives make a moral positive, and therefore it is condoned by the Prophet, may he hallucinate forever.”
64 responses so far ↓
1 JamesonLewis3rd // Aug 27, 2007 at 12:48 pm
God Bless America
2 JamesonLewis3rd // Aug 27, 2007 at 12:51 pm
I can’t stop laughing:
Mullah Mullaha Mullahahahahahahahahahahahahah…..
3 Libby Gone // Aug 27, 2007 at 1:33 pm
like WOW, man. The colors of jihad are so vivid…….
4 debass // Aug 27, 2007 at 1:51 pm
This was the only business that showed a prophet.
5 Scott Ott // Aug 27, 2007 at 2:28 pm
This is a test.
If you clicked a button and made a contribution to ScrappleFace.com, you have passed the test. (Proceeds go to the ScrappleFace Enterprise Institute, a non-profitable foundation that provides nutrition, education, transportation and shelter for a family in rural Pennsylvania. Thank you.)
6 beekabok2 // Aug 27, 2007 at 2:34 pm
(Soft knocks at the door)
ALI: Who is it?
OSAMA: It’s me, Osama. Open up, man, I got the stuff.
(More knocks)
ALI: Who is it?
OSAMA: It’s me, Osama, man. Open up, I got the stuff.
ALI: Who?
OSAMA: It’s, Osama, man. Open up, I think the infidels saw me come in here.
(More knocks)
ALI: Who is it?
OSAMA: It’s, Osama, man. Will you open up, I got the stuff with me.
ALI: Who?
OSAMA: Osama, man. Open up.
ALI: Osama?
OSAMA: Yeah, Osama. C’mon, man, open up, I think the infidels saw me.
ALI: Osama’s not here.
OSAMA: No, man, I’m Osama, man.
(Sharp knocks at the door)
OSAMA: Hey, c’mon, man.
ALI: Who is it?
OSAMA: It’s Osama, man. Will you open up? I got the stuff with me.
ALI: Who?
OSAMA: Osama, man. Open up.
ALI: Osama?
OSAMA: Yeah, Osama.
ALI: Osama’s not here.
OSAMA: What the hell? No, man, I am Osama, man. Will you…
(More knocks)
OSAMA: C’mon! Open up the door, will you? I got the stuff with me, I think the cops
saw me.
ALI: Who is it?
OSAMA: Oh, what the hell is it…c’mon. Open up the door! It’s Osama!
ALI: Who?
OSAMA: Osama! O-S-A-M-A! Will you open up the alahdam door!
ALI: Osama?
OSAMA: Yeah, Osama!
ALI: Osama?
OSAMA: Right, man. Osama. Now will you open up the door?
ALI: Osama’s not here.
7 Scott Ott // Aug 27, 2007 at 3:12 pm
[Attorney's Note: ScrappleFace.com is in receipt of a cease-and-desist order specifying that ScrappleFace staff and readers no longer use the term "ScrappleFest" because it, of right, belongs to the Reading Terminal Markets, and refers to an annual celebration of the meat-like product, scrapple, popular among a certain sect in eastern Pennsylvania. We request that you comply with this reasonable injunction, and eschew use of the term when discussing the first annual gathering of ScrappleFace readers over Labor Day Weekend. Thank You.]
8 Deerslayer // Aug 27, 2007 at 3:33 pm
Re: Sounds like lawyer talk to me. Do they own ScrappleFeast too?
9 Maggie // Aug 27, 2007 at 4:31 pm
1. How ’bout The Fest of Scrapplers?
2.ScrappleFalooza
3.ScrappleFace Nation
it’s your turn
10 Just Ranting // Aug 27, 2007 at 4:40 pm
Scrapplepie?
Scrappleganza?
Scrapllamboree?
Scrapplestock!!!!
11 Just Ranting // Aug 27, 2007 at 4:43 pm
Hey! Where did my post go? Guess the lawyers advised it to remain silent.
12 SGT USMC 1ea // Aug 27, 2007 at 4:45 pm
Do we not already have a “Scrapple Hungry” website. It would be a convenient place to post Y’alls photo essays about the event.
I actually went ahead and looked up the process for making Scrapple. Turns out it is what we here in the south call “Hogs-Head Cheese” or “Souse”. Literally rendered Hogs head/other unuseable parts with a few spices thrown in. Yummy!
Deus est Semper Fidelis
13 Ms RightWing, Ink // Aug 27, 2007 at 4:51 pm
Okay, so what I see states we cant say Scrapplef*st anymore or am I wrong. Sometimes satire is to real and I am brain deficient nowadays, so lay it out in straight talk.
14 Beerme // Aug 27, 2007 at 5:26 pm
MsRW, Ink,
Yes. We can no longer use that term.
For my money (of which there is durn little), “Scrapplestock” will do, though Scrapplefalooza sounds purty good, too!
“First thing we do, let’s kill all the lawyers…”
15 Beerme // Aug 27, 2007 at 5:31 pm
Scrapple is not Head Cheese, though it is close. Head cheese does not normally contain cornmeal mush in it. I am no scrapple expert but I think that would be the main difference.
16 mindknumbed kid // Aug 27, 2007 at 5:53 pm
How about ScrappleFace2Face ?
O.T. - Scott make me LOL !!!
17 Ms RightWing, Ink // Aug 27, 2007 at 5:58 pm
How about Scrabblefest?
18 Effeminem // Aug 27, 2007 at 6:17 pm
Grapplefest: Professional wrestlers have this one trademarked.
Snapplefest: Well that’s obviously wrong.
Applefest: I don’t think apples can be trademarked, but you’d probably have 1700+ geeks crash the party.
Scr4ppl3f357: Might scare away the old folks. Might also summon a demon if you try to pronounce it.
Napplefest: .. zzzz…
19 onlineanalyst // Aug 27, 2007 at 6:36 pm
Bummer!
Okay, here it goes:
Scrappleface
Scott Ott ©
RALLY ‘07
(Take this to the bank!)
20 JamesonLewis3rd // Aug 27, 2007 at 7:38 pm
International Festival of ScrappleFaces
Come One-Come All!!!!!
Juggling! Hog-Calling! Scrapple-Eating Contests! ScrappleFace-A-Go-Go! Scrapple-On-A-Stick! BBQ Scrapple! Miss/Mrs/Ms ScrappleFace 2007 Contest! Scrapple-Cycle Races! Yodeling Contests! Queen Elizabeth will hold forth! Performances by the ScrappleFace Cartwheel Troupe who’ve just returned from a victorious tour of The USA! Elvis Will Sing! Tchaikovsky and Stravinsky Will Duke It Out!
Rain Or Shine!
Yee-HAW!
21 JamesonLewis3rd // Aug 27, 2007 at 7:48 pm
Oh, I forgot…..
The International ScrappleToss Championship Semi- and Final Matches on concurrent afternoons in the renowned luxury of The ScrappleFacetorium…..
That is all…..
22 Ms RightWing, Ink // Aug 27, 2007 at 8:09 pm
Danny Webstirred Dictionary
tsef-elpparcs
a. An unpronounceable word meaning fun in the Pennsylvania hills
b. A Ukrainian word meaning spilled beer
c. Words may seem larger than they actually are in your rear view mirror
d. A man of many worries who begins a trip with one step
23 SGT USMC 1ea // Aug 27, 2007 at 8:20 pm
Beerme,
I guess adding the grain product makes scrapple even Yummier. I am actually a temporarily transported Yankee. I spent my first 17 years on the river in southeastern Ohio. The last 23 have been in dixie, where most of the Marine bases are located, give or take a few dozen foreign nations. I will back in Japan or over in Poland (Where they really know how to prepare a dead pig) a year from now.
Jesu est Semper Fidelis
24 camojack // Aug 27, 2007 at 9:20 pm
However, a Taliban source said that according to the Muslim holy book, “it is permissible to sell illicit drugs to buy illegal weapons to slaughter infidel civilians.â€
That’s right; one set of rules for them, another for infidels.
25 camojack // Aug 27, 2007 at 9:24 pm
[Attorney’s Note: ScrappleFace.com is in receipt of a cease-and-desist order specifying that ScrappleFace staff and readers no longer use the term “ScrappleFest†because it, of right, belongs to the Reading Terminal Markets, and refers to an annual celebration of the meat-like product, scrapple, popular among a certain sect in eastern Pennsylvania. We request that you comply with this reasonable injunction, and eschew use of the term when discussing the first annual gathering of ScrappleFace readers over Labor Day Weekend. Thank You.]
Comment by Scott Ott — August 27, 2007 @ 3:12 pm
Are you serious?! Have they actually copyrighted the term? Anyway, they spell “fest” with a lower case “f”, whereas I use a capital “F”. YMMV…
26 mindknumbed kid // Aug 27, 2007 at 9:27 pm
Hey ! Are we the good infidels or the bad infidels ?
27 RedPepper // Aug 27, 2007 at 9:28 pm
In memory of Abbie Hoffman (R.I.P.), and his memoir Woodstock Nation, may I suggest Scrappleface Nation as an appellation?
OnTopic: now we know why they call it the “Religion of Peace” …
28 mindknumbed kid // Aug 27, 2007 at 9:32 pm
Maybe it ought to be called ScrappleForce1. (The first gathering of mighty warriors)
29 prettyold // Aug 27, 2007 at 9:36 pm
Regretfully, I won’t be able to be there (except in my heart), but here is a song you can sing .
Scrapplefacers Anthem
To: We Are The Champions
Scott Ott’s paid his dues,
Day after day,
He writes great satire
In the most clever way ,
Hit that Paypal,
We need to shell out,
With more bucks in his pocket
He’ll really shout ,
Won and won and won
Chorus:
We’re Scrapplefacers ,my friends,
And we’ll keep on laughing to the end,
We’re Scrapplefacers,
We’re Scrapplefacers,
No time for whiners,
For we’re Scrapplefacers…of the World
A reunion is planned ,
Over Labor Day,
Lawyers object,
But that’s OK
Gonna laugh and have fun,
And show off our smarts,
Too bad some can’t attend ,
But they’ll be there in their Hearts,
Won and won and won
Chorus:
For We’re Scrapplefacers,my friends,
And we’ll keep on laughing to the end,
We’re Scrapplefacers,
We’re Scrapplefacers,
No time for whiners,
For we’re Scrapplefacers…of the World.
We might drink a beer,
Or maybe some wine,
There’ll be great food,
Conversation so fine,
We’ll share our Ideas,
And fix up the world,
Really hope none of the beer
or the wine or the food gets hurled.
Won and won and won
Chorus:
We’re Scrapplefacers ,my friends,
And we’ll keep on laughing to the end,
We’re Scrapplefacers,
We’re Scrapplefacers,
No time for whiners,
For We’re Scrapplefacers….
30 Darthmeister // Aug 27, 2007 at 9:36 pm
How about “Scrapplefe$t©”?
31 mindknumbed kid // Aug 27, 2007 at 9:42 pm
If they really want to say that their religion is the “religion of peace”, why on earth haven’t they invited the other religions over for a potluck ? If there is plenty of good food even the Baptists will show up.
32 conserve-a-tips // Aug 27, 2007 at 9:44 pm
Well, seein’s as how I am not going to be joining in on the festivities, I suppose that I don’t rate an idea for a name and I do rate one of those day-glow t-shirt thingies, but not one to act on etiquette and definitely one to put my nose in where it doesn’t belong, how about ScrappleCamp? It’ll be Scrapplers camping and it’ll be the adult version of Scott’s summer camp. Just don’t look for any of the rest of us to be pressing a button in post #5 to sponsor any of you salty dogs.
P.S. The hubby suggested The Scrapple Soiree’….I think that’s appropriate for a camping trip..um hmm. Oh gosh…he’s rolling! Look out for the banjos because you’ll be at Scrapple-achia (pronounced as in Appalachia).
33 mindknumbed kid // Aug 27, 2007 at 9:46 pm
Marshall Dillon wants to call it ScrappleFe$tus.
34 conserve-a-tips // Aug 27, 2007 at 9:52 pm
Prettyold - cute!!!!
Redpepper - that would be a “Religion of Pieces.” And for them, “hit” has a double entendre.
35 prettyold // Aug 27, 2007 at 9:56 pm
Or how about just calling it a Scrample?
Does anyone own Scrapplefiesta?
Get serious and call it Scrapplefist?
36 conserve-a-tips // Aug 27, 2007 at 9:57 pm
Oooo — Ooooo! Working off of the hubby’s genius - you could play on Scrapple-achia and make it Scrapple-atcha! “Liberals - Our ScrappleFace is in Your Face!”
OK, not very Christian.
37 prettyold // Aug 27, 2007 at 9:58 pm
Will Karl Rove be attending? I’d sure hate to miss him.
38 prettyold // Aug 27, 2007 at 10:00 pm
C.A.T. Guess you would just have to turn the other Scrapple!
39 mindknumbed kid // Aug 27, 2007 at 10:00 pm
Sorry Ms RightWing,Ink, but fsef-elpparcs is that disgruntled ex-muslim cleric that has the show on UHF channel 64 from 3-3:30 am Tuesday mornings.
40 mindknumbed kid // Aug 27, 2007 at 10:08 pm
Sorry prettyold, Rove can’t make it,President Bush confiscated his VRWC secret decoder ring.
41 debass // Aug 28, 2007 at 12:41 am
How about a Scrappleface-off, or a Scrappleface to face?
It’s the religion of piece all right, a piece here and a piece there.
42 JamesonLewis3rd // Aug 28, 2007 at 4:48 am
I don’t know how he did it but President Bush has turned the moon all red!
43 Ms RightWing, Ink // Aug 28, 2007 at 6:28 am
JamesonLewis3rd
It’s a full moon so quit howling at Bush’s red moon and go to bed
44 JamesonLewis3rd // Aug 28, 2007 at 6:36 am
Somewhat Off-Topic:
My assessment of Vick’s body language as he made his statement claiming to have “found Jesus” as the result of getting caught participating in depraved behavior says that he wishes that Rehab had been an option.
I’m no expert, of course, and the Final Judgment is not mine.
BTW: I relinquished my Football Fan credentials years ago when so many of the Cowboys remorselessly disappointed me with their depraved behavior. This has come back to haunt me now that their stadium (painted high on the bare concrete: “Home of Super Bowl XLV”) is within an hour-or-so walking distance and as I drive by the massive, amazing construction site (about 30 giant cranes poking into the sky from within and around a huge gray bowl across the street from Wal-Mart) I can’t help wondering if I’ll ever care enough to sit in a seat.
We now return to regularly scheduled satire…..
45 Libby Gone // Aug 28, 2007 at 7:39 am
All,
It is with regrets I am not able to attend. I was really hoping for a last minute reprieve from the more disagreeable realities of life (work) but to no avail.
Maybe next time, see ya all in cyberspace.
Have a fun and safe time!
-Libby
(Scrapple Contributors Rally at Pennsylvania Place Laborday Event) festivities.
46 JamesonLewis3rd // Aug 28, 2007 at 7:39 am
From Captain Ed:
(emphasis mine)
[cough]
Future History Textbook Chapter Heading:
Tobacco Saves the Planet from Self-Annihilation!
[cue Twilight Zone theme]
47 Maggie // Aug 28, 2007 at 8:02 am
James 3rd…re#20
Just wanted to tell you that I got the biggest kick out of your post esp the Scrappleface a go go and the Scrappleface Cartwheel troupe….hahahahaahahhaaha
48 Maggie // Aug 28, 2007 at 8:13 am
Good Morning All,
Having just re-read all of the comments ,I am wiping away the tears from laughter…..again…This is Scrappleface at it’s finest.
PrettyOld….Karl rove can’t make it but Alberta Gonzales will attend just to make sure we don’t abuse the Scrapplefest copyright laws.And…..I actually like Scrapplefist.
49 Darthmeister // Aug 28, 2007 at 10:09 am
MSNBC and CNBC are involved in outright media censorship by refusing to run ads for groups who support the war on terror.
Of course this kind of behavior is expected of left-wing news agencies who claim to be “objective” and “fair-minded” news sources. More proof that some news editors are doing a little Horse on the side.
50 JamesonLewis3rd // Aug 28, 2007 at 10:11 am
ScrappleFaces Covertly Converge on Campground en masse
ScrappleFaces (sans Neil Young) are whisked away by helicopter to appear on The Dick Cavett Show covered in mud!
[I watched that show from my couch in Columbus and immediately jumped up and kicked myself; I remember it distinctly. My late ex-wife (I was 19, so she must have been 17) gave me that "look" and sighed--much like my dear wife (we'll leave the ages out of this portion) does now. You see, the truth is, I'm still kicking myself.]
51 Darthmeister // Aug 28, 2007 at 10:11 am
#30, will there be dancing, too? A good potluck breaks down many a wall.
52 beekabok2 // Aug 28, 2007 at 11:27 am
Darn! My whole “Cheech and Chong” spoof (#6) kinda got missed with all this scrapplemania
Oh Well, I still chuckled
53 conserve-a-tips // Aug 28, 2007 at 11:39 am
Beekabok, never fear. I caught it, but was so down the line by that time, I figured any comments would be further lost. That’s one of my husband’s and my sons’ favorite dialogues besides some various quotes from “That Thing You Do”.
54 Ms RightWing, Ink // Aug 28, 2007 at 12:18 pm
beekabok2
Not to worry I read it also. I try to read everyones post but the real long arguments when the troll appears-eh, not so much
55 Ms RightWing, Ink // Aug 28, 2007 at 2:59 pm
I think we should call it the RWC-Fest*
*Right wing conspiratorial fest
Back to baking WFCCC’s. Got to feed the hungry mass of ………….. [Fill in the blanks]
56 Fred Sinclair // Aug 28, 2007 at 2:59 pm
I’m reading about the growing number of Muslims infiltrating our borders and the more I read the more I’m inclined to believe their boast that their next strike in America will make 9/11/01 seem like child’s play.
The buildup is reminding me of simliar buildup in So. Viet Nam before the Tet Offensive. A few thousand (and they’re already here) Suicide Bomber Islamonutcases, planted in a few thousand American cities and towns all at the same time on the same day and 9/11/01 will look like it was child’s play.
The Tet Offensive was unsuccessful, in spite of our American liberal media - but only at the cost of a lot of lives. It won’t work here either but at what cost? Tens of thousands of innocent lives? Is that what it’s going to take to deport illegal aliens (undocumented immigrants) and finally get the fence built?
We do know in advance, of course, it’ll be run through the media as being Bush’s fault! That much we can count on.
Heirborn Ranger
57 JamesonLewis3rd // Aug 28, 2007 at 3:23 pm
Yep, and they’re using distraction tactics in places like somewhat out-of-the-way MN and WA, too, which makes their presence felt all the more. The feint is likely-1-2-3-except #3 is, perhaps, a jab and so, no blinking allowed and watch out for that uppercut and be prepared to deliver a spinning heel-kick to the temple.
58 JamesonLewis3rd // Aug 28, 2007 at 3:31 pm
Needless to say, the aforementioned regimen must be maintained, non-stop, error-free, 24/7/365.25± for what will no doubt be millenia.
59 conserve-a-tips // Aug 28, 2007 at 3:32 pm
Fred, evil conservative that I am, I do blame the president for not securing our borders and for wasting out valuable time with the stupid attempt at legalizing illegal aliens (not just those from Mexico). To me, that was either a death wish, absolute boneheaded, bleeding-heart stupidity or greed. I choose not to believe that it was greed and more like boneheaded, bleeding-heart stupidity. Either way, while we fought over that waste of time, people were crossing the borders and nothing was being done. Still going on.
60 Darthmeister // Aug 28, 2007 at 3:42 pm
beekabok, I got it, too. It didn’t go “Up in Smoke”.
Cheech Marin is pretty cool and I used to listen to the Cheech and Chong routines when they first came out in the early 70s on vinyl LPs. That sure dates me. I thought Cheech did a respectable job in the TV show “Nash Bridges” (Don Johnson’s ‘Cuda was a show stopper for me when I got around to watching the occasional espisode) and I like him a lot with Kevin Costner in “Tin Cup”. He’s funny and he can act.
Cheech’s one stage routine where he was a Mexican border guard greeting people proclaiming he had a cousin with a bar in town that was “open 24 hours a day, seven days a week … NO COVER CHARGE!” Hilarious. And their “Price is Right” routine was, well … priceless.
61 Ms RightWing, Ink // Aug 28, 2007 at 4:56 pm
Watch out, I got a Basketball Jones
Put that in your C&C pipe and smoke it. I got the munchies, see ya later
62 Ms RightWing, Ink // Aug 28, 2007 at 9:07 pm
???
63 Tinman // Aug 28, 2007 at 10:53 pm
Beekabok: I recognized the Cheech and Chong bit. Does that date us?
64 mig // Aug 29, 2007 at 6:14 am
The Taliban Triangle now joins the Bermuda Triangle.
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