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Pelosi Amends Pull-Out Bill to Win Democrat Approval

by Scott Ott for ScrappleFace · 13 Comments · · Print This Story Print This Story

(2007-03-23) — House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, in an 11th-hour effort to get enough Democrat votes to pass the omnibus Iraq war pull-out bill, last night amended the measure to include funding for the following…
-More comprehensive sex education, complimentary condoms and discount abortion clinics in public middle schools
-A government-run universal health care system that includes prescription drugs for household pets and a new mandatory euthanasia benefit for the aged, comatose, crippled, diseased, depressed and mentally retarded
-A ready supply of government-issued affordable, combustible American flags for anti-war protesters
-A nationwide chain of government-run homosexual marriage chapels and adoption centers
-Several hundred “express check-in lanes” on the U.S.-Mexico border to speed the entry of undocumented workers headed for free government medical clinics
-A nationwide involuntary gun buy-back program
-Acquisition of Rosie O’Donnell, Al Franken and Bill Maher to create shows for Public TV, Public Radio and Armed Forces Radio
-Purchase of carbon offsets equivalent to the greenhouse gas production of Cameroon for each member of Congress allowing them to continue unlimited travel in private jets, limousines and SUVs with a clear conscience
-Payment of reparations to the families of Saddam Hussein and Abu Musab al-Zarqawi

The bill, which faces a certain presidential veto, represents “yet another symbolic triumph” for Congressional Democrats, said Rep. Pelosi, who urged her reluctant party members to put aside their differences and to support the measure as the only way to ensure Democrat party funding for their reelection campaigns.

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Tags: U.S. News

13 responses so far ↓

  • 1 University Update // Mar 23, 2007 at 5:22 am

    Pelosi Amends Pull-Out Bill to Win Democrat Approval…

  • 2 Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. // Mar 23, 2007 at 5:40 am

    Finally, a bill we can all get behind.

  • 3 camojack // Mar 23, 2007 at 5:52 am

    Pork…the other white meat.

  • 4 Possumtrot // Mar 23, 2007 at 6:02 am

    On the first read-through, I could’ve sworn I saw the word “tyranny” on-screen.

    My bad; Those People would never indulge themselves thusly.

    Must’ve been the insomnia.

    Great Scott thinks he’s writing satire here, but I beg to differ. It’s prescient; stand by and stay tuned.

  • 5 RedPepper // Mar 23, 2007 at 6:09 am

    Possumtrot: Satire? Where’s the satire?

  • 6 Fred Sinclair // Mar 23, 2007 at 6:27 am

    Night time additions to “measures” are the primary method of the liberals to display to all America who and what they are.

    I would like (in my dreams) to hear the President say, “As of now, every bill, excepting those directly dealing with National Security, will have my automatic veto until such time as the President is given full authority to implement the line item veto.”

    Heirborn Ranger

  • 7 Scott Ott // Mar 23, 2007 at 6:39 am

    Pelosi Amends Pull-Out Bill to Win Democrat Approval…

    by Scott Ott(2007-03-23) — House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, in an 11th hour effort to get enough Democrat votes to pass the omnibus Iraq war pull-out bill, last night amended the measure to include funding for the following…–More comprehensive sex……

  • 8 onlineanalyst // Mar 23, 2007 at 6:56 am

    So, is Nanny Pulloutsi giving in to the anarchists of Code Pink who swarmed her office to make determinations that affect the security of our nation?

    If anyone has doubts about the moonbat constituency that Fancy Nancy pays attention to, check out zombietime’s photos of another San Francisco treatâ„¢, the antiwar demonstration of March 18, sponsored by international ANSWER and quite well represented by notorious anti-American sympathizers. If the media were honest, it would show the antics of these lowlifes so that viewers could draw their own conclusions. (hat tip to drsanity.blogspot for the link)

  • 9 seneuba // Mar 23, 2007 at 9:02 am

    FINALLY! The first serious article Scott has ever written.

  • 10 upnorthlurkin // Mar 23, 2007 at 9:59 am

    Yeah, the sad part is, I can’t find anything is this bill most Dims would find objectionable! I thought this was a humorous/satirical blog?!

  • 11 Darthmeister // Mar 23, 2007 at 10:35 am

    I bet the Frost Queen gets a lot of practice at home talking about “pulling out”. She’s enough to make a man want to gnaw his arm off.

    …Father forgive me!

  • 12 timcopeland1 // Mar 23, 2007 at 11:25 am

    Scott Ott is an IDI OTT

  • 13 Bill's Bites // Mar 23, 2007 at 1:13 pm

    2007.03.23 Iraq/Iran/Surrendercrat Roundup…

    Liberals Relent on Iraq War Funding House Likely to Pass Bill With Pullout DateBy Jonathan Weisman, Washington Post Staff Writer Liberal opposition to a $124 billion war spending bill broke last night, when leaders of the antiwar Out of Iraq…

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