(2006-12-14) — A storm on the surface of the sun that sent a barrage of radioactive particles toward earth this week is just “the tip of the iceberg of a grave and gathering threat of solar warming,” according to former Vice President Al Gore.
Mr. Gore, on tour promoting his new book, Sun in the Balance, and forthcoming movie An Inconsistent Truth, said scientists have become increasingly alarmed at the frequency of solar flares which launch geomagnetic storms that can knock out power grids and hamper communications on earth.
“These storms could even take down my internet,” he said, referring to the broadband cable service to his home, not the one that he invented.
While scientists generally agree that the sun is “super duper hot and getting hotter all the time”, Mr. Gore said more experts have come to believe his theory that man is the cause of the solar-warming trend.
“The proliferation of man-made sunscreen and sunglasses in the past 40 years tracks precisely with the growing number of solar flares observed by astronomers,” Mr. Gore said. “Clearly, our defensive measures have actually made the problem worse. Solar warming is a man-made problem, and only man can stop it.”
Mr. Gore called for a global summit, in Heliopolis, Egypt, at which every nation would sign a treaty to measurably reduce the human activity which has brought upon us, “the wrath of Ra, the sun god.”
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59 responses so far ↓
1 Scott Ott // Dec 14, 2006 at 7:04 am
Gore Warns of Impending Solar Warming Crisis…
by Scott Ott(2006-12-14) ā A storm on the surface of the sun that sent a barrage of radioactive particles toward earth this week is just āthe tip of the iceberg of a grave and gathering threat of solar warming,ā according to former Vice President…
2 JamesonLewis3rd // Dec 14, 2006 at 7:30 am
God Bless America
Merry Christmas, everybody!
3 camojack // Dec 14, 2006 at 7:37 am
4 MargeinMI // Dec 14, 2006 at 7:56 am
Aieeeeee! Iām mortified! I feel so guilty that Iāve helped cause this ginormous event with my sunhats!
Iām so, so, so sorry…..[sobbinguncontrollably]
Morning all!
5 onlineanalyst // Dec 14, 2006 at 8:00 am
Hey, algore, as the old Coppertoneā¢ jingle said, “Make the most of moments in the sun.”
Only a moonbat like Icarus Gore is able ignore the bigger inconvenient truths of Mother Nature. Sheās fickle, al, and experiencing some hot flashes.
Iāve heard of sunshine laws, but does algore really want to impose a sunshine tax?
6 Darthmeister // Dec 14, 2006 at 8:15 am
Moonbat: Is there a water hose than can reach to the sun?
Donāt mean to go off topic so soon, but Senator Tim Johnson (D-SD) is presently in critical condition. Please pray for him and his family. This must be very, very difficult given his relatively young age, the suddeness of the stroke, and the time of year this is happening.
7 Darthmeister // Dec 14, 2006 at 8:16 am
Sorry, the “than” should be “that”. Totally distracted this morning. Whereās the coffee?
8 Darthmeister // Dec 14, 2006 at 8:17 am
…Pelosi stole my post!
9 onlineanalyst // Dec 14, 2006 at 8:29 am
Be careful about that coffee, Darth. Iām worried about “the shocking secret that coffee companies donāt want you to know” as per the ad at the top of this thread.
First, they took the cigarettes, and I did nothing…
Then, they took the trans fats…
Then, they took the coffee…
“Here comes the sun…”
Itās time for algore to cool his jet and leave it in the hangar.
10 Darthmeister // Dec 14, 2006 at 8:36 am
I bet this has something to do with the secret Rovian Weather Control Machine, onlineanalyst!
Darn that Bu$Hitler for trying to destroy the planet Earth by proxy. If he had only signed on to the Kyoto Accords, none of this would have happened! Either that or the Judeo-KKKhristian God really is a RethugliKKKan and He hates humanity!
**moonbat mode/off**
11 Darthmeister // Dec 14, 2006 at 8:36 am
…anyone else having a problem with their posts disappearing?
12 Roguet55 // Dec 14, 2006 at 8:45 am
Not only is the shy falling (so to speak) but thereās a big hole in the Sun, Someone must have driven their SUV thru it!
AL maybe right, I say we send him there to investigate!
The sooner the better for all us sun light worshipers!
RA RA RA!
13 upnorthlurkin // Dec 14, 2006 at 8:50 am
Why does anyone listen to that boob?! Talk about hot air?! Iām with Camo….:cool:
:cool: (hey, if it helps, Iām doing my part!)
14 Anonymous // Dec 14, 2006 at 9:18 am
I blame it on the moon (bats)
-Libby
15 Maggie // Dec 14, 2006 at 9:31 am
Libby,
Good to see you post,I sent you an email but it came back”failure to deliver”.Merry Christmas.
16 kajun // Dec 14, 2006 at 10:43 am
Algoreās Sun Spots may have eaten your missing posts, Hank!
Maggie
Maybe what you have is “A failure to communucate” as in the movie Cool Hand Luke.
17 seneuba // Dec 14, 2006 at 10:51 am
must…..turn….down….the….bright…..lights……on ….Al….Gore… GASP
He… is…..getting…..very …..hard….to…..comp…re…hend….GASP
please…..God….show….Al Gore….your ….real…..Son…..Amen
18 Tinman // Dec 14, 2006 at 11:03 am
What? We still have icebergs?
19 onlineanalyst // Dec 14, 2006 at 11:39 am
Psssst….Pass it on to Al and his merry band of Gaia-worshipping Druids that soon after the Winter Solstice, the days will not only be getting longer but also warming up.
20 Darthmeister // Dec 14, 2006 at 11:54 am
Did you guys notice how all the leaves fell off the trees during this latest round of climate change? It must be another assault on the Earthās pristine environment by eviiiiil multi-national kkkapitalists.
Before some troll tries to make another Brokeback mountain out of a mole hill, onlineanalyst, technically speaking the days will remain the same length, itās the amount of sunlight hours which vary. I knew you were speaking in the vernacular and understood perfectly what you meant. Besides I always prefer a good vernacular to a derby any day … nyuk, nyuk, nyuk!
21 Laughing@You // Dec 14, 2006 at 12:10 pm
Darthmeister,
Everthink, maybe your posts disappear because they have no substance?
22 Laughing@You // Dec 14, 2006 at 12:15 pm
[deleted]
Testing
23 antodav // Dec 14, 2006 at 12:20 pm
See, now Al Goreās lies have simply gone too far, to the point where heās blatantly contradicting widely known historical fact! Everyone knows that Ra-and since then, the rest of the Goaāuld as well-was defeated nine years ago by Col. Jack OāNeill and world-renowned Egyptologist Daniel Jackson. For Gore to demand that we pray to Ra is a completely futile recommendation. Nowadays itās the Wraiths we have to be worried about!
/nerdy Stargate reference
24 Laughing@You // Dec 14, 2006 at 12:24 pm
Testing
25 Shelly // Dec 14, 2006 at 12:52 pm
Are all sunglasses contributing, or just the mirrored ones?
26 GnuCarSmell // Dec 14, 2006 at 1:16 pm
The wrath of Ra will surely destroy us! Only a giant pyramid can save us. Congress must act now!
(Ad paid for by the Ra Appeasement Society)
27 conserve-a-tips // Dec 14, 2006 at 1:21 pm
Well, I just got to my computer and my stomach is hurting from laughing so hard. Our defensive measures have made the problem worse! I love it. Exactly. Scott, you are good.
Laughing@you, I am noticing that your posts have no substance. Test? What kind of opinion is that?
28 onlineanalyst // Dec 14, 2006 at 1:45 pm
Shelly: Take it from ZZTop. Those “cheap sunglasses” will do the trick.
29 conserve-a-tips // Dec 14, 2006 at 2:03 pm
GnuCarSmell - Ra Ra Ra, Sis boom Bah
30 GnuCarSmell // Dec 14, 2006 at 2:23 pm
C-A-T
Nice pom-poms.
31 Analchord // Dec 14, 2006 at 3:36 pm
That was funny. The sun is getting warmer because man stares at it when he drops acid! Great stuff. Got any peyote? (Lets work on making Jupiter burn too).
Al Gore? I rented his dvd on global warming. 90 minutes of charts and baby seals, and not one shot of Tipper sunbathing in all that global warming sun? F-
Iām sure, Al Gore, that a planet can warm up faster than itās supposed to, (not), when a planet forms by turning itself inside out and churning hot magma and toxic gasses to the surface. Every time a volcano goes off it pollutes a trillion times worse than man could possibly do with a million bongs, man.
The earth pollutes itself. It doesnāt need man to help nothing. Why dont you stick to losing elections by stuffing ballots in the wrong precincts, you big toad!!
Getting hot in here? Thatās what Tipper said last nite.
32 Darthmeister // Dec 14, 2006 at 3:47 pm
Harry Reid Rushes to Hospital: Johnson “looked very good”
How much you want to bet if this had been a Republican Senator, Reid wouldnāt had gone to the hospital? Freakinā power hungry vulture. Pathetic. The lamestream media isnāt much better in its hyperbolic coverage of this story.
Lawyers: DNA Not Linked to Duke Athletes…
So what, the race-baiters like Jesse Jackson and the lamestream media have said they are guilty so they must be guilty.
‘Blind Sheikhā Near Death; FBI Issues Terror Warning…
Yes, yes, itās the Booooshās and Great Satan Americaās fault. There must be an orgy of violence by those who most devotedly represent the “religion of peace” in these matters. Bush and Rove probably killed him with a heretofore unknown poison.
Maureen Dowd Makes fun of Obamaās Ears: “Weāre trying to toughen you up.”
Of course Republicans would have made fun of his ears while ignoring his indulgent liberal voting record.
STOCKS HIT AN ALL TIME HIGH!
So what, itās still the worst economy since the Great Depression, all new jobs are low paying jobs, minimum wage is still too low, blah, blah, blah. The Bush Administration has ruined the American economy with his lies about WMD.
33 Darthmeister // Dec 14, 2006 at 3:50 pm
Moonbat: You know if we can land a man on the Moon, couldnāt we put a huge Polaroidā¢ lens in orbit to shield the earth? Maybe one with UV blocker. Should help the ozone hole, too!
34 RedPepper // Dec 14, 2006 at 4:04 pm
Darthmeister #32: Is there no depth to which Maureen Dowd will not sink ? How dare she mock the Democratās new Jefe de Oro ? I mean, itās down-right racist … making fun of the physical characteristics of B.O. Diddley-squat in that outrageous fashion …
35 RedPepper // Dec 14, 2006 at 4:56 pm
p.s. Darth: Next time one of your posts does not appear right away, try doing a Logout (of your Scrappleface nickname), then try reading the Comments while you are logged out. While this approach doesnāt allow you to see your post 100% of the time , it often makes it visible , in my experience …
36 JamesonLewis3rd // Dec 14, 2006 at 5:56 pm
Those who wish to see our country go down the tubes have already begun running Barack Hussien Obama for President ads.
Even for Vice President, I consider the idea ludicrous.
37 JamesonLewis3rd // Dec 14, 2006 at 6:02 pm
I think Iāll go meet with President Bashar Assad-it wonāt be to kiss his…..er…..ring, though.
38 Analchord // Dec 14, 2006 at 6:11 pm
If Baker is a surrender monkey, then this must be the planet of the apes.
Global Warming? or does it only seems that way because weāve all grown so much damn yeti hair since the Iraqi Study Groups report.
Surrender Monkey. what a great title for a rock song.
in D four beats per measure four measures per bar. (one two three four…)
“Itās just a moment bit we didnāt see it coming….it changed our heartache to a cold still blue…..now weāre sitting crosshairs in a motion deafness circle….the time is coming and itās all because of you……
SURR-ENDER……MONKEES!……SURR-ENDER….MONKEES!!! You always see and do the same, you forgot your countryās name, youāll never be for real, itās raining cold hard steel-eel…..SURR-ENDER MONKEES!!!
(air guitar here)
sur-ender monkees…sur-ender monkees…..
(fade)
39 JamesonLewis3rd // Dec 14, 2006 at 6:14 pm
On CNN, Bob Franken said this:
“Of course, Democrats would still control the House, but the opposition partyās newly gained power in Congress would suddenly be ripped in half by fate, and GOP senators would be able to protect their partyās president from a full-scale assault. Without question, all the expressions of concern for Senator Johnson are very sincere but Iāve got to say that the ones from the Democrats, Miles, are even more sincere. (emphases mine)
All of the speculation on all the news outlets has been pretty sickening but this is beyond vile.
1.) Whatever happens, Almighty God is in control, not some “fate.”
2.) There is but one Judge of the human heart.
God bless Johnson and his poor family who have to endure the kind of heartless doo-doo being spewed by the news media.
40 The Great Santini // Dec 14, 2006 at 6:15 pm
āŖ āŖ āŖ GORE BORE āŖ āŖ āŖ
[Tune: āDowntownā, music and lyrics by Tony Hatch, performed by Petula Clark; Ā© 2006, Santini Serenades]
[Verse]
GoreBoreās resurgence means moronic convergence
With the enviros
(GoreBore)
Message is weepy, puts crowd in deep-Rem sleepy
He drones on, they doze
(GoreBore)
[Bridge]
āAn Inconvenient Truthā gets OscarĀ® hype, like āOklahoma!ā
Itās so intense and gripping that you lapse into a coma
Following its plotā
The atmosphereās getting hot!
Itās humansā fault, stampede now
Or our future is shot!
[Refrain]
Here comes
(GoreBore!) Heās gray-whale blubbery
(GoreBore!) Mourns baby-seal clubbery
(GoreBore!) He worships shrubbery, too-oo
(GoreBore, GoreBore)
[Verse]
GoreBoreās obsessive, downright manic-depressiveā
Solar warming trend!
(GoreBore)
One febrile thought of some marauding sun spot
Sends GoreBore āround the bend
(GoreBore)
[Bridge]
So bike or walk to his creepshow, No-Dozā¢ is complimentary
See him channeling Mike Moore with latest crockumentaryā
Shopworn, threadbare
āFreak out! Fear those solar flares!ā
Says Mme. Tussaud wax figure
With thousand-yard stare
[Refrain]
Standard
(GoreBore!) Has āMars Attacksā episode
(GoreBore!) Slim yodels, his head explodes
(GoreBore!) Wrath of Ra kills the tree toads
(GoreBore, GoreBore)
[Verse]
āStop all ore smelting, polar ice caps are melting
Weāve caused climate change!ā
(Gore screams)
Babble-on burble from a Greenpeace stuffed gerbil
Ecosphereās deranged
(Moonbeams)
[Bridge]
So save us, Gaia, from the braying of this Al-pha Jackass
Deep-six GoreBoreās preachy sermonette on greenhouse gases
How canāt you snooze?
GoreBoreās global warming blues
A Stygian, turbid farrago from an aging Tom Cruise
[Refrain]
You bet
(GoreBore!) His solar warming hoax
(GoreBore!) Just more flim-flamming, folks
(GoreBore!) Nuke gay whales, before Earth croaks!
[Refrain]
You know
(GoreBore!) Space cowpoke, wide-load chaps
(GoreBore!) Brain unhinged, jaws still flap
(GoreBore!) He emits CO2, crap
[Tag, to fade]
(GoreBoreā¦GoreBore)
(Loud snoresā¦loud snoresā¦.)
41 Analchord // Dec 14, 2006 at 6:19 pm
[deleted]
42 da Bunny // Dec 14, 2006 at 6:34 pm
“Babble-on burble from a Greenpeace stuffed gerbil…”
Santini, thatās one of your best lines ever! LMHO! LOVE the “GoreBore” song, oā “Great” one!!! And,yes, Alās been āround the bend for a good long time, emitting way too much CO2!!
43 onlineanalyst // Dec 14, 2006 at 7:01 pm
Defer to your “betters,” Algorerhythm. The UN has released a report that reveals the dangers of cow flatulence to Gaia, and James Lileks is first on the scene to report the implications of this phenomenon:
“The idea of people sitting at home in sweatpants watching a big TV while shoveling in the Haagen-Daz mortifies the social engineers; they can practically feel the planet wobble on its axis from the cumulative weight of so much freedom and prosperity.
“The preferred model for a nice, controlled population is a dense city where your small apartment has a tiny fridge stocked with bean curd molded into pleasant, food-like shapes. Trains take you to your job, which is either building trains, fixing trains, designing public service posters for trains, cleaning trains or writing software to operate trains. Once a week youāll pull on your best taupe-hued hemp jumpsuit and take the train to the biweekly Culture Expo to hear something held up to enlightened ridicule (anythingās game, except Islam and Global Warming).”
Holy cow! The heat is on!
44 GnuCarSmell // Dec 14, 2006 at 7:09 pm
I think we need to cut poor olā Al some slack. If Gore is able to appease Raās wrath, letās name him Pharaoh. This will serve as a kind of consolation prize since he couldnāt lawyer his way to President in 2000, and it will give him a way to finally “move on”.
Canāt you just picture Al in his little King Tut costume….strolling quietly through the Temple of Ra …looking so…so… pharaonic?
45 Darthmeister // Dec 14, 2006 at 7:16 pm
(GoreBore!) Has āMars Attacksā episode
(GoreBore!) Slim yodels, his head explodes
(GoreBore!) Wrath of Ra kills the tree toads
(GoreBore, GoreBore)
and
[Refrain]
You bet
(GoreBore!) His solar warming hoax
(GoreBore!) Just more flim-flamming, folks
(GoreBore!) Nuke gay whales, before Earth croaks!
Bravisimo, The Great Santini. Unfortunately youāre probably wasting your vast talent on this flim-flam music man Al Bore!
From the Music Man, starring Al Bore
Ya Got Trouble
Well, either youāre closing your eyes
To a situation you do now wish to acknowledge
Or you are not aware of the caliber of disaster indicated
By the presence of the gene pool in your community.
Ya got trouble, my friend, right here,
I say, trouble right here in this city.
Why sure Iām a soothsayer,
Certainly mighty proud I say
Iām always mighty proud to relay it.
I consider that the hours I spend
With a thermometer in my hand are golden.
Help you cultivate more horse hockey
And a cool head and a keen eye.
Never fail to give some jabberwocky
And an iron-clad leave to lie
thanks to this enviroāmental bigshot …
46 The Great Santini // Dec 14, 2006 at 7:33 pm
da Bunny:
Thanks, glad you got a giggle out of it. Some pols, like Algore, are truly inspiring figures.
Goreās figure has incurred the wrath of Ra because it blocked out the sun when he hired himself out as one of those aerial floats in the Macyās Thanksgiving Parade in NYC. Gore was outfitted as the Michelinā¢ Man, or maybe it was the Pillsbury Doughboyā¢.
Anyway, he was aloft for so long over one spot that he caused global freezing for those on the ground caught in his shadow. You could say he was the original transfat. When the inevitable legal actions follow, Gore will produce another sniveling crockumentary, tentatively entitled either “Girth in the Balance” or “An Inconvenient Suit”.
47 The Great Santini // Dec 14, 2006 at 7:45 pm
Darth:
Thank you, truly. But, as your gag demonstrates, no Gore song parody is wasted effort. His shtick creates a target-rich environment.
I recognize that tune you chose-itās “76 Hambones”, from “The Mucus Man”, and itās about Goreās favorite snack, right? Right here in River City….
48 onlineanalyst // Dec 14, 2006 at 7:55 pm
Gr8 One: Your follow up commentary is even funnier than your parody- if thatās possible.
49 conserve-a-tips // Dec 14, 2006 at 8:05 pm
Just got in for a sec. and GnuCarSmell, I think I am charging sexual harrassment there! Pom Poms indeed. Hmph. Why didnāt you notice my flippy skirt?
Santini, oh my. That was a masterpiece, but I must say that I am a little taken aback that my precious state and my favorite musical had to put into the same sentence with the AlGorester. I mean, I know that you had to come up with something to rhyme with ‘comaā, but couldnāt you have made ‘romaā work (as in tomatoes being thrown at the nut)? But I forgive you. I am not so sure about Rogers and Hammerstein.
50 JamesonLewis3rd // Dec 14, 2006 at 8:16 pm
Imagine, if you will, what it would be like if what is commonly referred to as “Krakatoa” were to explode today.
51 2006 Warmest Year Since Clinton Presidency « Public Eye // Dec 14, 2006 at 8:49 pm
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52 The Great Santini // Dec 14, 2006 at 9:07 pm
OLA:
As I said, Goreās an inspiration, and heās the perfect foil for governmental agencies-large, slow-moving, and an easy target to skewer. Even if he did invent the internet, and even if he and Flipper, er, Tipper served as the models for one of the worst books/movies, ever, “Sob Story”. (Sorry, I shouldāve remembered that Jean Fraude Kerry is Flipper.)
c-a-t:
Profuse thanks, and a thousand pardons for the “Oklahoma!” faux pas. No disrespect intended-just the opposite, in fact.
Yes, I needed something to rhyme with “coma”, but “Oklahoma!” aptly compared and contrasted true quality, which never bores (”Oklahoma!”), with true schlock, which always does (”An Inconvenient Truth”). One hundred years from now, people will still be lauding the former and humming its unforgettable tunes, while the latter and its tendentious pitchman will have checked in at the Hotel California, never to leave.
53 Maggie // Dec 14, 2006 at 9:14 pm
Santini…….Zippo lit and held high…….:>)
54 Anonymous // Dec 14, 2006 at 9:25 pm
Jeeze Solar Warming and now they are reporting comets may have material in them from the Solar system. WHERE WILL IT END??????
55 Anonymous // Dec 14, 2006 at 9:27 pm
Hey I logged in. Its me Libby. Guess I need to send Scott,sir an email.
56 RedPepper // Dec 14, 2006 at 11:00 pm
Even Time Magazine is displaying skepticism about the ISG report. Watch out for flying pigs , folks …
ā … God help the Arab leaders, propagandists and apologists if a day ever comes when the Arab-Israeli mess is unraveled. One wonders how they would then explain why in Egypt 4 of every 10 people are illiterate; Saudi Arabian Shiāites (not to mention women) are second-class citizens; 11% of Syrians live below subsistence level; and Jordanās King can unilaterally dissolve Parliament, as he did in 2001. Or why no Middle Eastern government but Israelās and to some extent Lebanonās tolerates freedom of assembly or speech, or democratic institutions like a robust press or civic organizations with independence and clout … ā
The Big Lie About the Middle East , by Lisa Beyer .
57 MargeinMI // Dec 15, 2006 at 6:30 am
Put those Bics out folks! Weāre just adding to the problem!
Morninā all!
58 Darthmeister // Dec 15, 2006 at 7:44 am
Imagine, if you will, what it would be like if what is commonly referred to as āKrakatoaā were to explode today.
JL3rd.
First, it would be Bushās fault for not signing on to the Kyoto Accords.
Second, the lamestream media would be trotting out scientists explaining how this event could be equivalent to the asteroid impact that wiped out the dinosaurs, thus heightening public hysteria while increasing their profits.
Third, the lamestream media would define all conservatives as dinosaurs, particularly those who are well-armed and have emergency food supplies.
Fourth, after much whining and fingerpointing liberals everywhere, particularly those in urban areas, would simply wait for government to rescue them from the wrath of Gaia. Think New Orleans 2005. After all, itās the governmentās job, right?
Fifth, half of liberaldom would contend this catastrophic volcanic event was the vanguard of a space alien invasion to wipe out America for daring to fight against Muslim freedom fighters.
Now Iām assuming this was a Krakatoa somewhere on the continental U.S.A., like Mount St. Helens, where its impact could be actually felt by American citizens. I can only imagine the average American response when the Great Tribulation begins. Oh, the weeping and gnashing of teeth!
59 Rock Slatestone // Dec 19, 2006 at 8:53 pm
Rats, now my sun spots will have sun spots
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