(2006-03-29) — Congressional Democrats and major journalists today celebrated the departure of White House Chief of Staff Andrew Card as “the greatest achievement of the Bush administration since the Medicare prescription drug plan.”
In a symbolic gesture of the new White House attitude, Mr. Bush offered to dump other loyal staffers in exchange for more positive press coverage as well as Congressional action on some of his policy initiatives.
Mr. Card’s failure to consult Congress and journalists scuttled Social Security reform, boosted gasoline prices and started a civil war in Iraq, according to unnamed legislative aides.
The president today called for a bipartisan Congressional commission to determine which of his other close associates may be “so aloof or so annoying they keep Congress from getting anything done.”
“I’d like to get my popularity stats out the basement,” the president said. “And I’d be grateful if Congress would consider approving any of my major proposals — especially my visionary plan to make hydrogen fuel out of old newspapers.”
Mr. Bush said he as abandoned efforts to spend the political capital he earned in the 2004 elections, and he’ll devote the next two years to “building a warmer relationship with the new bipartisan majority in Congress.”
A spokesman for the Democrat National Committee praised the president, and invoked the words of another great commander in chief, saying, “We welcome this new era of ‘glasnost’ (openness) and perestroika (restructuring).”
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