(2006-03-22) — Microsoft today announced it would speed the launch of its Windows 3rd Millenium Edition operating system (code named 3ME) making it available in stores “probably some time in 2007,” rather than the scheduled release date of November 2999.

The announcement comes just a day after Microsoft stock dipped when the company revealed yet another delay in the release of its Microsoft Vista operating system, which will come in six versions, 114 languages and seven savory aromas, including balsamic garbanzo.

However, for Windows 3ME, “the industry’s innovation leader has kicked the product development cycle into hyperdrive,” according to Microsoft Founder and Chief Software Architect Bill Gates, who has personally written most of the estimated 50 million lines of code for the new operating system.

“Generations yet to come will revel in the ease of use, bullet-proof security and robust pricing of Windows 3ME,” said Mr. Gates, who had reportedly downloaded his entire personality onto a 128MB thumb drive so he could be “booted up” for the planned product launch 993 years from now.

“I just couldn’t wait that long to see how much better life would be with Windows 3ME,” Mr. Gates said. “So, we’re putting it out in early-to-late 2007, or mid-2008 at the latest. But 2009 for sure. Certainly by June 2011.”

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