(2006-02-24) — A new White House report on the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina blames federal government disaster-response failures on “inadequate redundancy among agencies and desperate shortages of turf-guarding career bureaucrats.”

The 228-page document, titled The Federal Response to Hurricane Katrina: Lessons Learned, proposes “a massive influx of taxpayer cash to plug the gaps in effectiveness which cost hundreds of lives and millions of dollars in property damage.”

“Some critics claim that no amount of money or restructuring can turn a conglomeration of bloated bureaucracies into a lean, responsive, effective operation,” according to the report, “but that theory has yet to be fully tested. American taxpayers still represent a vast, barely-tapped, source of money to fund such experiments. And we have an army of well-paid government officials who have plenty of time to make PowerPoint presentations on this topic.”

The Lessons Learned report concludes that “just because socialism has failed in other countries, doesn’t mean that it can’t succeed with a bit of American ingenuity and our traditional pioneering spirit.”

The report recommends creation of a new “hyper-agency” called the National Federal Department of Departmental Agency Departments to coordinate the coordination of disaster-response communication between the following agencies which were involved in the Katrina aftermath:

Department of Homeland Security,
U.S. Army Corps of Engineers,
Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA),
Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives,
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention,
National Institutes of Health,
Bureau of Land Management,
National Guard,
Bureau of Economic Analysis,
Emergency Broadcast System,
Federal Aviation Administration,
Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI),
Department of Health and Human Services,
Department of Housing and Urban Development,
Internal Revenue Services (IRS),
Immigration and Customs Enforcement,
National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration,
National Response Coordination Center,
National Park Service,
National Security Agency (NSA),
National Weather Services,
Office of Management and Budget,
Social Security Administration,
Transportation Security Administration,
U.S. Coast Guard,
Department of Agriculture,
U.S. Forest Service
Department of Unmitigated Chaos,
National Panic Coordination Office, and
the Federal Debris Observation Agency.

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