(2004-09-04) — President George Bush today said he has a message for undecided voters, the most coveted constituency for both Republicans and Democrats: ‘On November 2, vote for John Kerry. If you’re undecided, he’s your man.”

“Contrary to conventional wisdom, I’m not trying to sway those who disagree with me or hate me,” said Mr. Bush. “‘Cause I don’t want to spend the next four years beholden to a bunch of people who can’t make up their minds quickly when given a clear choice. I’ll have plenty of votes if I just inspire the people who agree with me to go vote for me.”

Mr. Bush also said he doesn’t want undecided voters slowing down the lines at the polling places.

“You’ll be standing there scratching your ear over which chad to punch, while my supporters will be stuck behind you, eager to vote and get back to business,” he said. “If you’re undecided, just vote for Kerry and high-tail it out of there. Then when I win, you can tell all your friends you were disenfranchised again.”