(2003-04-17) — Just days after Democrat presidential hopeful John Forbes Kerry announced that he needs to “define” himself, a new poll shows that 87 percent of his supporters are eager to learn “who he is.”
“This is good news for our campaign,” said an unnamed Kerry spokesman. “Our timing couldn’t be better to launch a definition effort just when the people who voted for him in the primaries and come out to his rallies are basically asking to see some ID.”
At a rally this week at the University of Pittsburgh, Mr. Kerry shared the stage with rockers Jon Bon Jovi and Blink-182 in an effort to persuade 5,000 typically non-voting college students to throw President George Bush out of office.
“I want to tell you a little bit about who I am,” Mr. Kerry boomed above the din of the crowd. “On the ballot in November, I’ll be one of the names that isn’t George W. Bush. I’ll be the one who spent more money than any other candidate to prove that I’m not George W. Bush. There…now, I think I’ve shared my heart with you and you know where I stand on the issue.”
Nineteen-year-old Cassandra Leventhal, a Pitt sophomore from New Castle, Pennsylvania, stood in rapt attention while Mr. Kerry spoke, holding a cigarette lighter aloft and occasionally shouting ‘Free Bird!’.”
Asked if she had a better understanding of the candidate after the rally, Ms. Leventhal said, “John Kerry must really rock if Bon Jovi and Blink-182 are willing to share the stage with him. I’m going back to my dorm to download some of his songs from iTunes. His last name reminds me of my favorite band, Rooney, so I hope he’s like Rooney.”
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1 democrats give conservatives indigestion // Apr 17, 2004 at 6:45 pm
Saturday Roundup
Let’s take a whirlwind tour of the blogosphere and see what’s out there. John Waffles Kerry is seeking to define himself to the voters. See how he’s doing it, Scrappleface style! Attention code-breakers! FrankJ has something for you, and it…