(2004-04-13) — In order to allay concerns that release of his memoirs will draw attention away from his party’s presidential nominee, former President Bill Clinton announced today that his publisher will sponsor John Forbes Kerry’s nomination acceptance speech at the Democrat Convention in Boston this summer.

“I want this to be John’s moment,” said Mr. Clinton. “So I’ve prevailed upon Random House to make my book the official sponsor of his speech to help people focus on whatever it is he’ll be droning on about. I’ll introduce John and then he’ll deliver his speech, brought to you by the hottest best-seller of 2004.”

Random House has also hired a blimp to float over the convention center, decorated with a huge image of Mr. Clinton “looking down on the arena of Mr. Kerry’s crowning achievement to further direct attention to the nominee.”

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