(2003-11-03) — Tonight Show host Jay Leno stood on the deck of the U.S.S. Johnny Carson last night and declared an end to “major combat operations” in the late night comedy war. ‘The Tonight Show’ recently expanded its ratings lead over ‘The Late Show with David Letterman’ to an average of two million viewers per night.
“I want to thank my viewers,” said Mr. Leno. “This mission has been accomplished because of your refusal to switch channels after NBC’s primetime lineup and your willingness to not be as ‘hip’ and cynical as Letterman’s audience.”
Mr. Leno warned that the late-night time slot is still a “dangerous place” and he is on guard against “sniping” from the Letterman crew.
Meanwhile, on the Late Show set, David Letterman read from index cards the “Top 10 Reasons Why 2 Million People Watch Leno Rather Than Me.”

10. Remote control lost — TV stuck on NBC.
9. Fond memories of when Leno used to be funny stand-up comic.
8. Hoping for peek at Arnold.
7. Hoosierphobia.
6. Boycott against Canadian music director, Paul Shaffer, a suspected Chretien-Chirac sympathizer.
5. Letterman viewers tell Nielsen they watch Leno just to screw up ratings.
4. Leno viewers too slow to keep up with Letterman running gags.
3. Tonight Show viewers still think Johnny’s coming back.
2. Viewers fear Letterman might stroke-out or flatline on air.
1. Two Words: Receding Hairline.

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