(2003-10-21) — Iran today agreed to halt all nuclear development and to begin buying oil from the European Union to fuel its power generation plants.
Iranian President Mohammad Khatami said, “We promise not to make nuclear weapons….we swear on a stack of Bibles.”
French Foreign Minister Dominique de Villepin (who is a man) said the EU would provide for Iran’s power-generation needs by purchasing oil from Iran then selling it to Iran, losing money on each barrel but making it up in volume.
“The United States could never have negotiated a deal like this,” said Mr. de Villepin. “And this breakthrough has nothing to do with the fact that Iranian leaders fear for their regime in the aftermath of the overthrow of Saddam Hussein. This is a success of Europe’s peaceful engagement process and our shrewd negotiating skills.”
Russian president Vladimir Putin criticized the deal, saying it would allow Iran to be held hostage by “the EU oil czars.”
“What Iran so desperately needs is nuclear-generated electricity,” said Mr. Putin. “Out of our compassion for the Iranian people, we have sold them millions of dollars worth of uranium enrichment technology, and helped them install it.”
Although Iran is among the world’s largest producers of petroleum, Mr. Putin said, “You never know when that stuff will run out. Plus it’s causing global warming which has created a glut of obsolete fur coats in Russia.”
Under the terms of the agreement, Iran has also pledged to give the International Atomic Energy Agency “unlimited tours of non-existent nuclear facilities.”

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