(2003-12-31) — The vast editorial staff at ScrappleFace today announced its top headlines of 2004. These are the news items which will have the greatest impact on Americans and other citizens of Earth during the coming year.
Unlike traditional news operations, ScrappleFace editors and writers are not restricted to covering so-called “real” events, so they can [...]

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(2003-12-31) — Columnist Robert Novak today followed the lead of U.S. Attorney General John Ashcroft and disqualified himself from participating in a Justice Department probe to determine who leaked the name of CIA operative Valerie Plame.
“I’m recusing myself from this case,” Mr. Novak said, “I am the only person who could unequivocally confirm who outed [...]

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(2003-12-31) — The precise timing of the descent of a Waterford Crystal ball above Times Square at midnight tonight may be another example of Bush administration “stagecraft,” according to Democrat presidential candidate Howard Dean.
“The ball is a powerful symbol for America,” said Mr. Dean. “And it’s natural to ask ‘Who stands to benefit from [...]

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(2003-12-31) — Although he said Americans should enjoy their New Year’s Eve festivities, Homeland Security Director Tom Ridge has released a list of “reasonable precautions” recommended for those participating in large celebrations like the annual party in Times Square, New York.
“While the government is doing everything it can to protect you,” said Mr. Ridge, “you [...]

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(2003-12-30) — Karl Rove, political advisor to President George Bush, today pleaded with Democrat National Committee (DNC) chairman Terry McAuliffe to protect Howard Dean from attacks by his Democrat presidential rivals.
“It’s time for the DNC to rally around the presumptive nominee,” said Mr. Rove. “Howard Dean is the only candidate who has garnered the support [...]

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(2003-12-30) — Sales of America’s dietary staples-cow spinal fluid and brain tissue-dropped significantly last week after the discovery of a case of bovine spongiform encephalopathy (BSE or ‘mad cow disease‘) in Mabton, Washington.
A quick survey of upscale cafes in the Seattle area showed a precipitous decrease in sales of spinal latte, a musky cocktail made [...]

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(2003-12-29) — The Right Reverend John Bryson Chane, Episcopal bishop of Washington, today announced that the “angel Gabriel” told him that Christians worship the same God as atheists do.
“Gabriel said we’re all God’s children,” said Mr. Chane, “and any distinctions in belief are not meaningful. Faith in God is the same thing as non-belief and [...]

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