(2003-10-31) — Reports today of the death of the world’s oldest person turned out to be a hoax, as authorities discovered that the world still has an ‘oldest person.’
“As long as at least one human remains on earth, we’ll always have the world’s oldest person,” said an unnamed expert in gerontology. “So, the next time [...]

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(2003-10-31) — Presidential candidate Howard Dean has charged rival Sen. John Kerry, D-MA, with “metrosexual discrimination” claiming Mr. Kerry is trying to deprive him of employment.
The charge comes despite the fact that Mr. Dean appears conflicted about his sexual identity — first declaring himself a metrosexual, then denying that he even knows the meaning of [...]

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(2003-10-31) — The latest figures on decreased jobless claims and a huge increase in third-quarter Gross Domestic Product (GDP) signal a continuation of the Clinton-Gore economic boom, according to an expert.
“After a brief two year ‘hiccup’ the wisdom of Clinton-Gore still shines through,” said one unnamed itinerant professor who has taught at the University [...]

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(2003-10-30) — The Senate version of the Head Start reform bill would rename and ‘re-mission’ the Great Society program. Instead of trying to prepare poor children for school in hopes of enhancing achievement, ‘Slow Start’ will enroll children from middle-class and wealthy families and attempt to “confuse and de-motivate them” so that they won’t excel [...]

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(2003-10-30) — Fannie Mae’s Washington, D.C., home at 3900 Wisconsin Avenue, NW, was repossessed this morning by her mortgage lender after a series of accounting blunders ruined her credit.
A spokesman for the mortgage holder said, “We would do the same thing to anyone who made a $1 billion mistake. Fannie Mae’s home has become [...]

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(2003-10-29) — Presidential candidate Howard Dean today

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(2003-10-29) — House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi, D-CA, slammed the Bush administration today for its wholesale slaughter of illegal aliens during “terrorizing raids“ at 61 Wal-Mart stores nationwide last week.
According to Rep. Pelosi, federal agents posed as Wal-Mart associates and used remotely-detonated shopping carts packed with C-4 explosive to “send a message” to illegal immigrants.
She [...]

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