(2006-04-14) — Embattled Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld today refused to directly address calls from retired military officers that he should resign, instead he devoted his remarks to what he called “my philosophy of counterinsurgency.”

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(2006-04-12) — To demonstrate its peaceful intentions in the wake of its latest breakthrough in uranium enrichment, Iran today announced that by 2010 it would have enough nuclear power plants to provide all of its own energy needs. It will then start donating its oil and natural gas to poor and developing nations in Africa and elsewhere.

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(2006-04-11) — In a grassroots counterprotest against yesterday’s nationwide rallies by illegal aliens, today millions of documented U.S. citizens took to their desks, factories, shops and other job sites to demonstrate their commitment to U.S. law and the American work ethic.

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Official Washington is abuzz today about news that Lewis ‘Scooter‘ Libby may have had permission from President George Bush to release previously-classified information about Saddam Hussein’s efforts to buy uranium. According to prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald, Vice President Dick Cheney sought and received permission from the president to allow Libby to leak part of a top-secret National Intelligence Estimate. Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid said today that the new evidence is “alarming.” He called for an investigation to “find out exactly when Bush began telling Cheney what to do.”

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Just a day after Katie Couric announced she’ll leave NBC’s Today Show to host the CBS Evening News, CBS chairman Les Moonves said he’s close to a deal to replace 60 Minutes reporter Mike Wallace with Wheel of Fortune’s Vanna White. The world-famous letter-turner said, “I’m not really a journalist by training, but I might give it a spin.”

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A bipartisam measure to require health insurance for every resident of Massachusetts passed the state legislature yesterday. Republican Gov. Mitt Romney said he’ll sign it. An alternative bill died for lack of a co-sponsor. That measure would have required the state’s 550,000 uninsured residents to stop smoking, stop drinking, stop driving like maniacs and stop eating like pigs.

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Former House Majority Leader Tom Delay announced today that he won’t seek re-election and will soon resign from Congress. House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi called the news “devastating” and immediately introduced a bill to block Delay’s departure. The California Democrat, in an emotional news conference, said, “Tom Delay is essential to the future of this nation, since all of our Democrat Congressional campaign ads are built around him. He must not be allowed to leave until after the elections.”

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(ScrappleFace Network News audiocast transcript. Scroll down to listen)

The Republican Party has struggled in Florida, New York and other states, to find conservatives who are willing to run for the senate. A top party official said they’re thinking of rewording their recruiting ads that currently say: “Are you a conservative leader? How would you like to take a huge pay cut and then spend your days listening listening to speeches by Hillary Clinton and Ted Kennnedy? Call now.”

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(Audiocast Transcript. To listen, scroll down.)

With the hurricane season only two months away, the Federal Emergency Management Agency still doesn’t have a director. The Bush administration has courted at least seven potential FEMA leaders, since the resignation of Michael Brown after Hurricane Katrina, but they all said ‘No’.

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