(2018-08-31) — “A great line-up of celebrity eulogies. Top pop stars singing their favorite songs. Gales of laughter and torrents of tears.”

That’s the way a township man said he envisions his upcoming funeral. The anticipation is nearly killing him.

This week’s massive public celebrations of the lives of Sen. John McCain and singer Aretha Franklin have inspired the township man, who requested anonymity to discourage paparazzi.

“I’ve already drawn up the short list of politicians and other famous performers,” he said, “and my ‘save the date’ invitations will go out soon. It’s going to take some time to plan such a gala blow-out, so I figured I should start while I’m still relatively young and healthy. ”

“It’s all he talks about these days,” the township man’s wife said. “I think I’m even more eager to see it than he is.”