100 Most Recent Comments
by The Great Santini on ScrappleFace
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Headline: Schiavo Hailed as Anti-Obesity Champion Tom, the Little Dutch Boy: Hm-m-m-m. Your post shows why that movie was named "A Clockwork Orange". Like the Terri saga, it was a horror movie. Holland has embraced euthanasia, by legal decree. The Himmleresque nightmare playing itself out now in Florida, compliments of a guttersnipe husband and a lawless judge, is another milestone on the road toward glorification of the culture of death. If Holland wants to place a death's head on its flag, fine. Not here, not ever. Oh, one more thing. Glad to see you're so squared away and enlightened on this issue. But don't get sick or disabled, pal. It could be hazardous to your continued breathing. As you breathe your last, take solace--your life is no longer useful, and those depriving you of it have the best of intentions and are acting in your best interests. Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-03-18 19:24:17 Top |
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Headline: Hollywood Stars: MLB Doping Sends 'Terrible Message' 'da Bunny: I hear you, and I agree--any professional athlete's use of steroids and other performance-enhancing substances is wrong, cheating, and a horrible example for young athletes to emulate. I managed to avoid seeing McGwire's Clintonesque performance at bat in D.C., but certainly I believe your account of its tawdry nature. I object to the kangaroo-court peepshow dynamic of the congressional hearing. Other than dragging the names and reputations of various players through the mud and pandering to the masses through the enabling media, they will accomplish absolutely nothing. Congress has no power to regulate professional sports. Given its track record in other matters it does have the power to regulate, it should not have the power to regulate professional sports. Its current intrusion on the drug use matter is unwarranted, unhelpful, and unwise. Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-03-18 13:12:18 Top |
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Headline: Hollywood Stars: MLB Doping Sends 'Terrible Message' mig: Thank you, ma'am. I'll write on as the spirit moves me. §[:-)] Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-03-17 23:48:11 Top |
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Headline: Hollywood Stars: MLB Doping Sends 'Terrible Message' 'da Bunny: • Well, thank you. Parodies are for laughing, and Hollyweird is truly laughable. • I read your post about McGwire; doubtless his presentation was as nauseous as you described. • Please understand--I'm not rationalizing the use of "performance-enhancing drugs", by any athlete, in any sport, at any level. But I played both baseball and football in high school and college (no drugs except beer, and only enhancer was free weights). And this D.C. charade/sideshow stinks. • McGwire, Bonds, and Sosa have each popped more than 500 homers, in 15+ seasons of big-league competition, playing 162 big-league games a year, and facing big-league pitching. To do that, you need preternatural mental concentration, baseball intelligence (an extensive mental "book" on opposing pitchers), eyesight, reflexes, and hand-eye coordination--NONE OF WHICH ARE ENHANCED BY STEROIDS. • Sheer brute strength and muscle mass (what steroids give you)won't enhance your ability to hit a major-league heater, curve, slider, splitter, forkball, change-up, or knuckler. I was an above-average catcher, but I couldn't hit an 80-mph fastball. So my childhood dream--playing in the big leagues--died a-borning. • Many muscle-bound MLB players will never pop 500 homers because they lack the non-brute-strength gifts cited above. Were this feat of the named players routine, more big-league hitters would accomplish it. You cannot attribute those players' super-human achievements to doping, which is Congress's approach. • Concerning NFL players, it looks like serious juicing, with a measurable effect on performance--in a sport in which, at that level, brute strength and muscle mass are absolutely essential. Narrowing the scope of the examination to offensive linemen (I played center), these lads probably wouldn't reach their behemoth playing weights (320-350 lbs.) without more help than weight training, carb loading, and conditioning coaches. Of course, you still must be very fast, very intelligent, and have exemplary technique (footwork, coordination, and agility) just to make an NFL roster. But the current Stalin Show Trials in D.C. would have a bit more credibility if they were focused on NFL, not MLB, players. • How many of the grandstanding, showboating politicos conducting this inquisition have played ball at any level? How many of their Ivy-League-wimp staffers have? Do these cockalorums know, or care, how much dedication and courage it takes to stand in the batter's box and face a Randy Johnson heater, let alone hit it somewhere? (FYI, Johnson is 5" taller than your husband, a million times meaner, and has a 100-mph fastball and an 88-mph slider, and he controls both.) • Did these egoists get elected to poke their noses into every evil known to man? What statute or other legal principle gives Congress the power to hold these j'accuse hearings, on this subject? (Canseco's $$$-motivated tell-all book and their raw power-lust don't qualify.) Face-time-loving politicians have no dog in this race--they ARE the dogs. A politico-media frenzy will solve none of the ills of either MLB or the NFL. That's why the process stinks. [Apologies for my Ranbutanesque bandwidth consumption, but the D.C. Follies have really hit a nerve.] Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-03-17 23:42:17 Top |
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Headline: Hollywood Stars: MLB Doping Sends 'Terrible Message' Hawkeye®: "As in... A Boy Named Sue City....?" Correct-a-mento, good ol' boy! Jest a-kickin' an' a-gougin' in the mud and the blood and the beer... O'Santini Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-03-17 22:01:17 Top |
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Headline: Hollywood Stars: MLB Doping Sends 'Terrible Message' Beerme: Erin ga bragh, t' ye, lad! And many thanks! [I'll see that tip o' your Guinness™, boy-o, and I'll raise ye a Harp™--I'm into rotgut today....] Hawkeye®: Thank you kindly. Hope that roar can be heard all the way to Sioux City (my birthplace) and Cherokee (Ms RightWing's birthplace). That's where the tall corn grows! Um, I live in Sue City now--as in the Perpetual Litigation Lottery, not the Johnny Cash hit tune. Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-03-17 17:08:15 Top |
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Headline: Hollywood Stars: MLB Doping Sends 'Terrible Message' ♪ ♪ ♪ BOTH WAYS NOW ♪ ♪ ♪ [Tune: "Both Sides Now", music, lyrics, and performed by Joni Mitchell] [Verse] Hollywood snorts angel dust Makes films 'bout dope, glitz, gore, and lust That paragon of public trust... Its virtue's on e-Bay™ But now Congress is sucking limes (Politicos love their face-time) And Hollywood has dropped its dime On MLB's drug fray [Refrain] Hollyweird goes both ways now A diamond necklace on a sow In drugged delusion, now it calls For Congress to clean up...baseball [Verse] Moons and loons and doped cartwheels On Ecstasy, Hollywood reels While stooping to emit faux squeals About juiced baseball play MLB has got its ills But Hollyweird's coked to the gills To criticize gives it cheap thrills Hypocrisy's that way [Refrain] Hollyweird loves dope, and how! Made "Scarface", "Blow", and still, somehow, It throws at MLB beanballs Its Janus-face is in...free-fall [Verse] Hollywood has lots of soul Its zeitgeist--sex, drugs, rock 'n' roll It glorifies the toilet bowl It looks at life that way Too bad that it has fried its brain-- Burnt to a crisp on crack cocaine It's made an art form of "insane" Hypes "Easy Rider" days [Refrain] Hollyweird goes both ways now Pontificates and yelps, bow-wows And Congress preens and gapes, enthralled, While seeking autographed...baseballs [Tag, to fade] Hollyweird goes both ways now A diamond necklace on a sow In drugged delusion, now it calls For Congress to clean up...baseball.... Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-03-17 16:38:01 Top |
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Headline: Wolfowitz: World Bank ATMs in Every Poor Village Maggie: That's a big 10-4! §[:-)] Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-03-17 16:06:40 Top |
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Headline: Wolfowitz: World Bank ATMs in Every Poor Village A chorus from hymn that St. Patrick, an on-fire Christian, would have applauded: ♪ ♪ ♪ Because He lives, I can face tomorrow, Because He lives, All fear is gone Because I kno-o-ow He holds the future, And life is worth the living, Just because He lives! ♪ ♪ ♪ Happy St. Patrick's Day to all Scrapplers! Erin ga bragh! §[:-)] Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-03-17 13:26:58 Top |
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Headline: Bush Offers Anti-Administration PR Videos howie the drone-- Flapdoodle personified-- Head-up-bum syndrome. Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-03-16 18:50:02 Top |
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Headline: Bush Offers Anti-Administration PR Videos howie: Can I use the wide-open spaces between your ears to hold my telescope steady while examining your Ill Manifesto? Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-03-16 12:27:10 Top |
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Headline: Chinese Daily-Washington Post Merger Boosts Credibility onlineanalyst: Thanks very much. I think I remember that commercial. If I recall correctly, bells sounded as a chorus sang, "J-E-L-L...O!". And a Chinese gong sounded. Ah, so.... "...hates Bush Forty-one..." was a somewhat lame attempt to stay in-meter while rhyming with "Taiwan" in the first line of that verse. Sometimes you have to reach and stretch--as opposed to the retching which has affected you. Yuck--no Hung Chow need apply. Hope you're recovered. Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-03-14 21:52:19 Top |
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Headline: Bush Puts His Poll Numbers in Personal Account OT, but bad news for those who wish to preserve traditional marriage: A Superior Court judge for (guess where?) the City and County of San Francisco has ruled that California statutes defining marriage as between one man and one woman (Prop. 22, which passed by 70% here in the Land of the Fruits and the Nuts a few years ago) violates the "equal protection" rights of homosexuals and lesbians. Therefore, same-sex couples are entitled to marry one another. The lawsuit challenging these statutes was filed (by the City Attorney's Office for San Francisco--your tax dollars at work) the same day the California Supreme Court ruled San Francisco's unilateral issuance of marriage licenses to same-sex couples illegally violated existing statutes defining marriage. Cal Supreme's opinion said such persons could sue to invalidate those statutes, they did, and the judge delivered on cue, finding no "rational purpose" was served by limiting marriage to opposite-sex couples. Next stop is the intermediate appellate court, headquartered in San Francisco. Whoever loses there will petition for review by Cal Supreme. In your face. You can make book on the following: • The California Attorney General's Office (which represented the State against San Francisco's legal action) will take a powder on the case during the appellate review process. Bill Lockyer, AG, Democrat-machine politician, and pro-gay-rights shill lusts after the Governorship. Forget a vigorous contest by Lockyer's office. • Arnold Schwarzenegger, pro-gay-rights Governor and RINO stalwart on social issues, will sit on his hands, saying and doing nothing to support traditional marriage. His already-on-the-record solution to the gay-marriage question? "Let the courts decide." • The two gay-rights legislative proposals introduced in the California Legislature at the beginning of this term--to bring about the same result as San Francisco's lawsuit has now done--will be fast-tracked by the Dem-controlled Legislature. They will use today's court ruling as their rationale for passage of these measures. They would love to see both on Schwarzenegger's desk before Cal Supreme rules. If he signed either into law, his conservative support for the rest of his agenda (fiscal proposals which have polarized him from the Legislature) would vanish, and his hand on the fiscal matters would weaken. If he vetoed either, the Dems would flay him for being "anti-civil-rights", and his gay support would vanish. Sorry to be OT and to consume so much bandwidth, but this is a black day in California's checkered history, as black as the day in early 1973 when US Supreme handed down Roe v. Wade and its companion case, Doe v. Bolton. I am very saddened and disappointed that California has joined Massachusetts in a judicial middle-finger salute to the serfs, er, voters. §[:-(] Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-03-14 21:41:16 Top |
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Headline: Chinese Daily-Washington Post Merger Boosts Credibility Um, make that ChiCom, not "ChoCom". That fifth-column interview made me choke. Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-03-14 20:44:59 Top |
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Headline: Chinese Daily-Washington Post Merger Boosts Credibility Miss Spelling: Thank you. You've certainly got my permission to drop the snark bomb on the ninnies at the Post. But please check for misspellings first. We don't need no steenking Eengleesh! Marge/Maggie: You are too kind. Please hold the lighted Bics™ under the rump of the Post's managing editor, the one who gave the linked interview to his ChoCom soul brothers. Please make sure he's well-done. §[:-)] Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-03-14 20:42:45 Top |
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Headline: Chinese Daily-Washington Post Merger Boosts Credibility ♪ ♪ ♪ YELLOW JELLO™ ♪ ♪ ♪ [Tune: "Mellow Yellow", music and lyrics by Donovan Leitch; performed by Donovan] [Verse] Wa-Po's mad about ChiComs ChiComs are heroes to libs Merged into one toxic hype-bomb, They ply their propaganda and fibs [Refrain] They're makin' Yellow Jello™ (Quite lefty, quite lefty, quite lefty) The Wa-Po Daily bellow (Quite lefty, quite lefty, quite lefty) A marriage made in hell-o [Verse] ChiComs hanker for dim sum Wa-Po loves Cantonese However you slice it, these scum-bums Are servin' standard "progressive" wheeze [Refrain] Dressed up as Yellow Jello™ (Hard left, hard left, hard left) Dung Flung in a nutshell-o (Hard left, hard left, hard left) Collectivist bordello [Verse] Red Star forever to fly Daily's veracity's nil Board of Editors not shy... All balance in news they just kill [Refrain] They print the Yellow Jello™ (Hail Mao, hail Mao, hail Mao) Predictable bedfellows (Hail Mao, hail Mao, hail Mao) In Georgetown, it'll sell-o [Verse] ChiComs' hatred for Taiwan Is People's Daily's central craze Wa-Po hates Bush Forty-one Harmony's the very next phase [Refrain] They're playin' Yellow Jello™ (Mao duet, Mao duet, Mao duet) Red violin and cello (Mao duet, Mao duet, Mao duet) Their opus has bad smell-o [Tag, to fade] They call it Yellow Jello™ (Far left, far left, far left) Awash in Yellow Jello™ (Far left, far left, far left) Commie Yellow Jello™ Yellow Jello™, Yellow Jello™, Yellow Jello™.... Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-03-14 18:23:26 Top |
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Headline: Chinese Daily-Washington Post Merger Boosts Credibility Pat'sRick©: ROTFL at your Blowhards in the Wind parody! At the expense of DanRat, FrankenPutz, and the KleagleEagle, too. A target-rich environment.... Buddaboom! [Point of order, Mr. Chairman: In Scrappledom, no need to apologize for wit, and never cut "funny". Viva parodistas!] §[:-)] Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-03-14 14:31:32 Top |
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Headline: EU Offers GOP 'Carrots' to Give Up 'Nuclear Option' Thomas: [Yawn....] Law degrees--including those issued by Harvard--are a dime a dozen. So are law professors and "experts". Ave Maria beats liberal sharia, which is the sole learning option at Harvard Law. Comments like yours are worth much less than a dime a dozen. Even so, thank you for your sub-intelligent post. Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-03-13 20:33:40 Top |
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Headline: Judge Posts Private Info About Apple Bloggers PanamaRed: " 'Nomonate' is Latin for nominate....no snide comments please!" No, mon...really? Deeg it! [Sorry, just couldn't resist....Ducking and covering after snide comment...Santini, out] §[:-)] Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-03-12 17:13:16 Top |
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Headline: Janet Reno Rescues Terri Schiavo in Daring Raid Ms RightWing, Inc: Please don your tinfoil hat. Jackbooted Janet and her ATF Storm Troopers will be parachuting in directly to take you away for interrogation. The tinfoil hat assures they won't shoot first and ask questions later. Listen for helicopters. Oh, by the way, welcome back. You may have been born a Svenska/Svierge, but you'll always be part-Irish/part-Cherokee to me! §[:-)] Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-03-11 19:08:53 Top |
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Headline: Syrian Troops to Monitor Lebanon Pull-Out 'da Bunny: Yep--Stern-o and Captain Ew-w-w-w are a matched set. PLAY BALL!! Maggie: What would life be without a few laughs at the expense of a guy like Teddy? Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-03-10 18:26:36 Top |
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Headline: Syrian Troops to Monitor Lebanon Pull-Out onlineanalyst: There, see? Pat'sRick©'s stirring parody of that tune by The Doors you suggested prompted a stellar effort by him. Bravo! Your wish is our command. Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-03-10 16:33:36 Top |
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Headline: Syrian Troops to Monitor Lebanon Pull-Out Hankmeister©: The BEER concession? Teddy the Tuba is demonstrably gauche, but not gauche enough to care about beer, the adult beverage of normal people. But he has scored the Scotch concession on the deal, so your instincts were right. You were spot-on about Jean-Fraude Kerriere and the Bobblehead™ concession. Since the head is empty and goes in all directions depending on each particular impetus, Jean was Le Naturale, just like his hero, Robert Redford. [OT--the Fighting Illini's surprising loss to the unheralded Ohio State Buckeyes may be a blessing in disguise for the Illini. They're still in as a #1 seed, probably in a home region. "The Dance" already packs plenty of pressure for 20-year-old lads. The loss removes an unneeded media-hype story line and an unneeded distraction. Since the Illini play together and play hard, I hope they go all the way.] Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-03-10 16:25:49 Top |
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Headline: Syrian Troops to Monitor Lebanon Pull-Out onlineanalyst: You are most welcome. Your parody prompted laughs, as good parodies should. The Doors? After "Light My Fire", I stopped listening. Thus, I do not know the tune you recommended (although its title shows promise). Out of it and proud of it! §[:-)] Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-03-10 14:41:07 Top |
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Headline: Syrian Troops to Monitor Lebanon Pull-Out MLB spring training heated up today, as news of a major trade involving starting pitchers shook the baseball world. In a Blockbuster™ deal brokered by MLB Commissioner Kofi Annan, the Syrius Satellites sent shock-jock Howard Stern and rock megastar Michael Jackson to the Damascus Thugs for "Basher" Assad, Omar Karami, and Hezbollah freedom fighters to be named later. Reached at the batting cage, where he was gazing fondly at the Satellites' crop of farm team players, Jackson lifted a sequined batting glove and said, "I look forward to my new career pitching for the Thugs. I'm particularly eager to meet the batboys. I plan on converting to Islam, because it promises 72 little boys to fondle." In an on-the-field interview reacting to the news of his trade to the Thugs, Stern exclaimed, "[Bleep] those [bleeping] camel jockeys! Who the [bleep] do those [bleeps] think they are? I'm supposed to make my pitch to those [bleeping] ragheads? [Bleep] the Satellites!" Assad and Karami had no immediate comment, but in a video sent to Al-Jazeera, a man claiming to be Usama bin Laden praised the deal. He stated: "Allah be praised for this trade! Jackson and Stern give the Thugs starters who will distract the decadent western media. We thought the talents of Assad, Karami, and our Hezbollah brothers would be better used by pitching the Wahhabi message of peace throughout the world via the Satellites! Insh'allah!" Commissioner Annan hailed the trade--which, he noted, transcended international borders and cultures--as a "great leap forward" toward the goal of "bringing all baseball leagues together as one happy family" under MLB's leadership. He assured the parties that the Hezbollah freedom fighters sent to the Satellites had only peaceful intentions. Concluding his statement, Annan said, in his mellifluous African English, "Dere wahz no doan-side to de deal. De broker's coe-mishun was most favorable!" Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-03-10 14:30:01 Top |
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Headline: Syrian Troops to Monitor Lebanon Pull-Out onlineanalyst: "Back-stab man...." Mu-wah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Well done, indeed! Holy Shiite, Batman! §[:-)] Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-03-10 13:01:58 Top |
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Headline: China to Build Stone Wall Around Taiwan libswurstnitemare™: The gospel according to Vezzini: (1) Never get into a land war in Asia; and (2) Never challenge a Sicilian to a battle of wits. What a twit Vezzini was.... §[:-)] Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-03-09 20:16:39 Top |
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Headline: China to Build Stone Wall Around Taiwan 'da Bunny: Read you, loud and clear. There are some things I don't discuss with my relatives/in-laws, too. Still, I'd pay to see that battle of wits. It'd probably turn out as it did for Vezzini, the Sicilian Dwarf, in "The Princess Bride." When Robert the Pirate said, "I challenge you to a battle of wits," Vezzini should have declined gracefully. Now those words are etched on his tombstone. R.I.P. Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-03-09 18:22:55 Top |
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Headline: Condi Rice to Tour 'Hostile Democracies' ♪ ♪ ♪ UN CRISCO™ ♪ ♪ ♪ [Tune: "I Left My Heart in San Francisco", music and lyrics by Douglass Cross and George Cory] Effete frogs live in Paris, Berlin's full of gays Madrid's peed in its pants, and Brussels sprouts decay Why send Condi to such hostile democracies? Have her head north...to the thugs at Turtle Bay The UN's veins...are full of Crisco™, Venomous cant, venality All-talk-no-action, Kofi's crew Hates the US and the Jews They give Iraq, Sudan the air--they don't care Hope Condi's dance in that socialist disco Will overcome that Den of Thieves When Velvet Hammer fries UN's Crisco™, It might promote democracy! [Tag] Condi should pack red peppers from Jalisco To neutralize the bile she'll see Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-03-09 15:29:16 Top |
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Headline: China to Build Stone Wall Around Taiwan MargeinMI: Brava!! 2 hands clapping, 2 feet stomping (for your parody), and a thousand Bronx cheers for Babs Streisand's rendition of that song!! 'da Bunny: I'll pray your family gets released from the Full Demo Monty. You mean they even voted for Mondale? Hoo, boy. Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-03-09 13:35:18 Top |
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Headline: China to Build Stone Wall Around Taiwan onlineanalyst: Brutal, brutal. I don't think kajun knows "The Way We Were". He's more into that Mae West tune, um, you know, "Thanks for the Mammaries." Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-03-08 22:20:49 Top |
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Headline: China to Build Stone Wall Around Taiwan Hey Sistuh' Soul Sistuh' [ NO kin of Creole Lady Marmalade]: Stow the snark-bombs, puh-leeze! Lemme 'splain it to you, Lucy: (1) Since I was such a precocious toddler, they let me vote, in 1968, when I was only 3 years old (which also 'splains the juvenile voting pattern); and (2) I never learned to speak ebonics, like, well, you. So don'choo be givin' me none o' yo' ragtime, NEVuh-min'! We bad, we bad.... Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-03-08 22:01:08 Top |
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Headline: China to Build Stone Wall Around Taiwan Hankmeister©: OOPS!! Hm-m-m-m-m.... One Jiminy Cricket Carter flush may just beat my three-of-a-kind. But, in a photo finish, my hand should win by a nose because I was dumb for a longer time. Oy-double-vay! §[:-)] (Santini, blowin' off steam after a tough day) Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-03-08 21:48:25 Top |
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Headline: China to Build Stone Wall Around Taiwan onlineanalyst: C'mon, get real! You expect, like, CONTEXT, from mental amoeba-weights such as don't drink the kool aid? That's...that's...insensitive! Let it be duly noted that no-longer-lurking-Mack once lived here in The Land of the Fruits, Nuts, & Babs (Streisand & Boxer). Of course, Mack wised up, which is more than can be said for others. Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-03-08 21:29:44 Top |
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Headline: China to Build Stone Wall Around Taiwan 'da Bunny/Mig: You young'uns lament your youthful voting indiscretions, for Slick and for Ross "They're-Coming-to-Take-Me-Away, Ha-Ha" Perot? Fret not. In my flaming-lib days, I voted for RFK in the '68 CA primary. After his assassination, I voted for Hubert Horatio Hornblower, er, Humphrey in the '68 national election. Then I voted for McGovern in the '72 national election [slinking away in shame] Can either of you top my stupidity hat trick? Um, nope--you both grew brains faster than I did. Du-u-u-u-uh.... Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-03-08 21:18:41 Top |
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Headline: China to Build Stone Wall Around Taiwan Need a brain Mired in second grade? Just lobotomize don't drink the kool aid! Burma Shave™!! (A division of Baldo's Shiny Wax for Balds™) Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-03-08 20:57:56 Top |
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Headline: U.S. Claims Insurgents Fail to Warn of Bombs SGT USMC 1ea: Thank you, Sergeant, and roger that. I'm sure you understand the parody was directed at Bryd-Brain the Bloviator and (a la Maestro Ott's hilarious satire) Bombastic Faux Brave/cigar-store Indian Churchill--not toward ordinary people from the Mountaineer State or those born there. With Senators such as Babs Boxer and Di Feinstein routinely returned to office, CA is in no position to diss West Virginia on the, uh, quality of the latter's elected reps. Harrumph! §[:-)] Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-03-07 22:18:05 Top |
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Headline: U.S. Claims Insurgents Fail to Warn of Bombs howie: Here--take this tube of Baldo's Wax™ and breathe very deeply. There--how's that? Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-03-07 19:37:38 Top |
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Headline: U.S. Claims Insurgents Fail to Warn of Bombs Happy Birthday, Mr. Baldo, Who needs hair, like slick Geraldo? You're not sweating dandruff flakes, So light the candles, cut the cake! You may not play the alto sax, But you've got Baldo's Shiny Wax™! Our best wishes, happy trails, Spread it lightly, and don't inhale! We're glad to celebrate your birth Because you bring such Scrapple-mirth, Gently twitting, never sore, You always foster laughs galore! Smooth of head, with gleaming pate, From 79 candles on this date, So shine it up, let it glow anew, Happy Birthday, may God bless you! Burma Shave™! (A division of Baldo's Shiny Wax for Balds™) §[:-)] Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-03-07 15:30:30 Top |
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Headline: U.S. Claims Insurgents Fail to Warn of Bombs ♪ ♪ ♪ ...Baby, you can drive my car, Sgrena's flyin' the Red Star, Her lyin' 'bout the episode's par-- For an Eye-tie Commie! ♪ ♪ ♪ Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-03-07 14:43:15 Top |
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Headline: New Jobs Surge, But Leisure Index Slumps jeanne: Wow! Thanks for the tip! [Calling stockbroker] Yeah, 'zat you, Swifty? OK, y'know that Baldo stock? Buy! Buy! Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-03-04 21:49:39 Top |
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Headline: New Jobs Surge, But Leisure Index Slumps 'da Bunny: "...Ted Kennedy, 'Dingy' Harry Reid, Nancy Pelosi...." You mean Orca Chappaquiddickus, Searchlight Harry, and The Smiling Mamba? That's what I thought. Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-03-04 21:45:31 Top |
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Headline: Ward Churchill to Seek Byrd's Senate Seat in 2006 kajun: In the words of an old (very old) salt commercial: "I thank you....Leslie™ thanks you." Thanks to Maestro Ott for the thread conflating these two inflated bozos, and posthumous thanks to John "I Go to Pieces" Denver, too. Incidentally, I look forward to every edition of the kajun news (gag, chortle, guffaw...). §[:-)] Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-03-04 18:04:35 Top |
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Headline: New Jobs Surge, But Leisure Index Slumps bounce: The word, "leech"™, is the registered service mark and stock-in-trade of our client, former Senator John Edwards. Your use of the term, without payment of royalties to him, constitutes service mark infringement. On his behalf, I demand that you cease all further use of that term, and that you pay forthwith a nominal penalty of $1 million to his PAC, Leeches in Leisure, Edwards in '08. In the alternative, you may forfeit all your leisure time and pay that penalty by working for his PAC, 24/7, throughout the '08 campaign season. Sincerely, Writ Rattigan and Sylvester Shyster, Attorneys for Sen. John "Leech"™ Edwards Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-03-04 17:52:48 Top |
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Headline: Ward Churchill to Seek Byrd's Senate Seat in 2006 ♪ ♪ ♪ TOXIC TOADS ♪ ♪ ♪ [Tune: "Country Roads", music, lyrics, and performed by John "I Go to Pieces" Denver] [Verse] Crackpot haven, West Virginia Demo porkers, Byrd and Rockefeller Byrd's a study in geratology So Churchill's firewater will whip up Dem crazies [Chorus] Toxic Toads--found a home In the place where they throng West Virginia, pass the Kool-Aid™ Skull and bones, Toxic Toads [Verse] Byrd-brain's pompous harangues sound regal As befits a gentrified Klan Kleagle Tenured Eichmann Churchill shucks and jives Matched set of liberal wackos, mouths in overdrive [Chorus] Toxic Toads--found a home In the place where they throng West Virginia, pass the Kool-Aid™ Skull and bones, Toxic Toads [Bridge] As the Kleagle's senility progresses, Virtual Indian Churchill is in Byrd goose-step accord Churchill filling Byrd's seat in '06 Connotes strait-jackets and the psycho ward, psycho ward [Chorus] Toxic Toads, hear 'em drone Same sing-song, screedal tones West Virginia, federal wampum Take it home, Toxic Toads [Tag, to fade] Toxic Toads, hear 'em drone Same sing-song, screedal tones West Virginia, federal wampum Take it home, Toxic Toads Take it home, Toxic Toads.... Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-03-04 17:25:10 Top |
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Headline: High Court Mulls Commandments, Divine Intrusion Those who mock God Have gone off their trolley, Like low-roll God-mocker, John Cougar Melancholy! Burma Shave™!! (A division of Baldo's Shiny Wax for Balds™) Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-03-03 13:14:33 Top |
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Headline: High Court Mulls Commandments, Divine Intrusion Miss Spelling: Loved the allusion to "The Court Jester"! US Supreme Court Black-Robed Tyrants: "Get it?" Those subject to their diktats: "Got it." US Supreme Court Black-Robed Tyrants: "Good!" "The pellet with the poison Is in the vessel with the pestle, But the chalice from the palace Has the brew that is true!" Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-03-02 15:57:41 Top |
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Headline: High Court Mulls Commandments, Divine Intrusion John Cougar Melancholy: Are you a Sadducee? You're melancholy, so it must be because you've rejected Christ as your Savior. Those who do that are sad, you see. Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-03-02 15:42:21 Top |
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Headline: Blogosphere Lets Talk Radio Host Keep Job Marie: You're good to go.... No, wait--that came out wrong.... Sheesh, that, too.... Um, uh, the important thing is no Scooby-Doo-Doo. Ok, I'm quittin' while I'm behind.... Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-03-01 21:35:53 Top |
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Headline: Court Rules Teen Killers Must Slay Adults Does anyone doubt that, as Dr. James Dobson of Focus on the Family says, Justice Anthony Kennedy is the most dangerous man in the country? He authored the lead opinion--and was the swing vote--in today's judicial atrocity. "Justice". What a laugh. According to the linked CNN story, a five members of the Court have again cited and relied upon extra-national and, therefore, extra-Constitutional "legal sources" as the pretext for invalidating the criminal laws of 19 states. That sort of judicial mugging, first resorted to in Lawrence v. Texas [sodomy is a "constitutional right"], will become routine, as this cabal of black-robed tyrants continues to substitute its prejudices and preferences for "constitutional jurisprudence". Given the track records of the two other "co-equal" branches of government in response to the judicial branch's past usurpations of their powers, the firm of Readem & Weep predicts: • No member of Congress will utter the "I"-word (impeachment) concerning the Fab Five's latest outrage, let alone advocate it for them. • Congress will not advance, and certainly would not enact, legislation under the power given to it by the Constitution (Art. III, sec. 2) to restrict the Court's appellate jurisdiction over certain classes of cases and controversies. So, despite explicitly possessing the power to tell the Court to butt out of cases like this one (a power inserted into the document to curb a runaway judiciary), the Elected Invertebrates will refrain from exercising it. • Bush43 will utter nary a word about this latest judicial assault on American citizens. He will continue to ask for more billions to fight Islamofascist murderers in foreign lands, but he will not assume the bully pulpit against young-thug murderers here by condemning the Fab Five's ruling or by offering or endorsing measures (under Art. III, sec. 2) aimed at clipping the Court's wings. Time for my blood pressure pill. Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-03-01 16:29:36 Top |
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Headline: Blogosphere Lets Talk Radio Host Keep Job Marie: You've "come out". Good for you, and welcome. Scooby-Doo™ pajamas will do nicely. But, since this is a family-friendly site, please refrain from wearing the toddler type--you, know, the ones with the snaps on the backside. Leave the intemperate outbursts to Mr. Gallagher. Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-03-01 13:56:13 Top |
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Headline: Blogosphere Lets Talk Radio Host Keep Job Cassandra: Standards? We ain't got no standards.... WE AIN'T GOT TO SHOW YOU NO STEENKING STANDARDS!! Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-03-01 13:48:43 Top |
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Headline: CNN Liquor Ads Help Viewers Correct Spin, Slant Hankmeister©: Good one! LOL.... Lock all those drunks up with Helen Thomas, I say. After one night with her, they'd take the tippler's oath and sober up permanently. If only that would stop the spin or the dizziness at CNN.... Even so, let's hear it for Busthead, Stolichnaya™, Ripple™, and Dago Red™! Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-03-01 13:41:08 Top |
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Headline: Protests Bring Down Govt., Generate Greenhouse Gas For the desired negative soundbite, Newsman referred to and relied upon "...a Lebanese political science professor at California State University, Stanislaus...." That august institution of higher learning is located in Turlock, CA, known primarily in these parts for its production of turkeys (gobble, gobble). Obviously, Newsman's expatriate rug merchant from the Turkey Capital of California--moonlighting as a professor--knows more about the situation in Beirut than anyone else. Newsman scores again. Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-02-28 21:31:46 Top |
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Headline: Harvard Chief Likens Women to Nazis, Saves Job AirForceBrat: Sheesh, Priscilla Goodbody lives. The deleted word [rhymes with "bass", the fish] not only aptly described the drive-by's demeanor and the quality of his post, it has escaped Priscilla's delete-wand on many previous occasions. I'm stumped about why it got the heave-ho in this instance. Next time I'll use the "jack-" prefix; that's never been deleted. Oh, and hidey....You're spending far too much of your time lurking. De gustibus non disputandum est, et Cartago delenda est! §[:-)] Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-02-22 19:26:36 Top |
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Headline: Harvard Chief Likens Women to Nazis, Saves Job Steve H.: Welcome to Scrappleface™, blowhard. It's amusing to observe a 4-ulcer man make an [deleted] of himself as he fails to perform an 8-ulcer job, especially a 4-ulcer man as humorless, ill-mannered, and aggressively sub-intelligent as you. Steve H., moonbat, Jivin' and bleatin', Like Gonzo, his hero, A serious cretin. Burma Shave™!! (A subsidiary of Mr. Baldo's Shiny Wax for Balds™) Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-02-22 13:36:33 Top |
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Headline: Hunter Thompson Dies, CBS News Anchor Field Narrows SalemDeLaPoer: Try lithium--it may counteract your hallucinations about having something intelligent to say and about being able to write and spell. If you have "real writing" to do, then you and Thompson have at least one thing in common--rigor mortis. Be a good boy, now, and keep your promise not to visit here anymore. As you said, you're wasting your time. Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-02-21 22:45:12 Top |
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Headline: Hunter Thompson Dies, CBS News Anchor Field Narrows SalemDeLaPoer: "When a fool hears of the Tao, he laughs. If he didn't laugh it wouldn't be the Tao." Like, profound. That statement makes as much sense as Thompson's febrile writing did, but his self-absorption and ability to pontificate dwarf yours. "Are you all jealous that he made something out of his life and you're just a handle on the internet?" Putting a rifle bullet through your head is hardly an endorsement of what Thompson made of his life. And, by his act, he admitted his life--what he had made of it--was worthless. Given that, no one has any reason to be jealous of Thompson or of his life. Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-02-21 16:11:52 Top |
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Headline: With 'Open Arms' Bush Offers to Buy Europe, Russia Maggie: Your earlier post alluded to Latin, so I inferred your experiences with that most wonderful language had not occurred in, uh, a time warp. What else would I think? Your Pig Latin is exceptional. Anyway, the English translation of the ancient Latin epigram, De gustibus non disputandum est, is: "Concerning matters of taste, there can be no disputing." Like, say, your decision to name your NASADOLL after Captain Eo. Leben Frie: The present tense of the Latin verb, amare, "to love", is declined thus: Amo/amas/amat/amamus/amatis/amant. "I love/you [sing.] love/he, she, or it loves/we love/you [pl.] love/they love." There will be a quiz later. You get extra credit if you can get the sub-intelligent life form, howie, to recite it correctly. You get an A+ if you can get him to spell it correctly. If howie's real (I think he's another Scrappler yanking our chain), it proves Princeton awards degrees to NAUSEADOLLS. Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-02-20 17:19:31 Top |
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Headline: With 'Open Arms' Bush Offers to Buy Europe, Russia onlineanalyst: Parodies are too difficult and time-consuming to waste on the likes of intellectual wannabes like howie and balthazar. Burma Shave™ doggerel befits the caliber of their contributions and is much easier and less time-consuming to compose. Nevertheless, thank you for the "American Woman" parody idea. It's a goodie (you get inspiration credit if/when it forms the basis for a parody). Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-02-20 16:42:12 Top |
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Headline: With 'Open Arms' Bush Offers to Buy Europe, Russia Maggie: You had a NASADOLL you named Michael after the notorious moonwalker? De gustibus non est disputandum! Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-02-20 13:08:56 Top |
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Headline: Terri Schiavo Spared by 'Endangered' Designation In this instance, Scott's satire directs full phasers at the morally inverted universe of the culture of death which threatens the life of Terri Schiavo. Perhaps Scott's offering results from his feeling of helplessness as her husband moves in for the kill while the legal system looks on with bovine indifference, and from his outrage at a morally obtuse zeitgeist. Somehow, the "right to die" trumps life, but, if the victim were a snail darter, both the law and the zeitgeist would campaign to save the nonhuman creature. Whatever the case, we should give Scott the benefit of the doubt. Not all satire is meant to be funny. I laughed at his anthropology fraud thread, but his on-target dismantling of the culture of death in this thread has me shaking my head at its blatant injustice and hypocrisy. God help Terri, because the law and her husband certainly won't. Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-02-19 21:31:45 Top |
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Headline: Disgraced Anthropologist Drinks 40,000-Year-Old Milk Leben Frie: You asked: "Isn't [von Zieten] the same guy that Ed Sullivan had on one time doing card tricks, pulling rabbits out of the hat, sawing girls in half and performing other amazing magic tricks?" No, that was Senor Wences [(High-voice) "T'sa-right?" (Low-voice) "T'sa-right!"]. But von Zieten did stay at a Holiday Inn Express™ last night. At this rate, one of von Zieten's "specimens" may turn out to be the skull and bones of the late Mr. Wences. Speaking of specimens, it's time for Mel Brooks and Carl Reiner to dust off their hilarious "Two Million-Year-Old Man" routine and take it on the road. Their first booking should be the now-disgraced University of Frankfurt. Dey shoulda stuck t' hawt dawgs.... Professor Reiner Protsch von Zieten.. and his carbon dating a cheap trick Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-02-19 15:52:50 Top |
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Headline: Media Warned About Faux News Advocacy Pieces How about requiring all LSM visual media mavens to undergo a facelift so they all look like The Schnozzola, Jimmy Durante? The LSM are entertainers, they perform the same old song-and-dance routines, and Mr. Durante's ever-present proboscis would warn all viewers of their chronic faux news advocacy. Some standard Durante lines could be inserted into their, uh, news stories: "EV'rybody's tryin' t' get inta da act!" (Used whenever the LSM types deplore the influence of bloggers on the LSM's former monopoly over what's "news" and what and how it would be disseminated.) "Good night, Mrs. Calabash...Wherever you are...." (The LSM's latest suspect as the true source of those pesky Bush/TANG papers which caused a minor stir at SeeBS.) And the theme music for LSM broadcasts could be standardized with a slight modification of the tune Durante warbled when he closed his TV show: ♪ ♪ ♪ Wink! A-winka-dink! We wink atchoo! ♪ ♪ ♪ Let's do lunch and kick this idea around. Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-02-19 15:13:48 Top |
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Headline: Harvard Chief: Women Good at Calculating, Dissecting Mig: Who needs a drain? I say, let it all hang out! And Mr. Crapper was most enlightened--he was thinking of his wife's welfare, as all real men should, and he followed her sage advice. §[:-)] Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-02-18 21:16:43 Top |
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Headline: Harvard Chief: Women Good at Calculating, Dissecting CalGirl: Sheesh, I thought you were taking the vapors today! Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-02-18 19:13:42 Top |
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Headline: Putin Sells Effort to Halt Iran Nuke Production Mr. Baldo: PLEASE make howie go bald! Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-02-18 19:11:20 Top |
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Headline: Harvard Chief: Women Good at Calculating, Dissecting We're talking about NAG ideologues, not about women. Women are wonderful; NAGs suck. Summers committed the unpardonable sin of positing to NAGs a thought which was foreign to the postulates of their rigid political orthodoxy. Now--or, to be specific, NOW--the NAGs have turned on him with a viciousness seldom applied to males, let alone male liberals. And with that: ♪ ♪ ♪ THEY'RE NAG WOMYN ♪ ♪ ♪ [Tune: "I Am Woman", music and lyrics by Helen Reddy and Ray Burton; performed by Helen Reddy] [Verse] They're NAG womyn, with sharp knives They hate all men, flay 'em alive Think they're jake because they've got advanced degrees They're intolerant reprobates They mau-mau, screech, and fulminate They're oppressed because they've gotta squat to pee [Chorus] Wo-o-o-oh, yes, they spout lies And their group-think is insane Rhine maidens, made of ice Their billingsate profane Their sole prism is liberal politics They're never wrong (wrong) They are intransigent (intransigent) They're NAG womyn... [Verse] They're NAG womyn, no man-dates They can dissect and calculate And they sink the tone of discourse in a ditch They agitate longer and stronger Till their heads go all oblonger Unless they get their way, they scream and bitch [Chorus] Wo-o-o-oh, yes, they're NAGs They lack wisdom, tact, and grace They're such tiresome hags Arrogantly in your face They reflexively...blame men for everything Same old song (song) They are vituperative (vituperative) They're NAG womyn [Verse] They're NAG womyn, watch 'em spew At Harvard, Stanford, NYU They have spread their bitterness across the land And their "thought" process is feelings About male-imposed glass ceilings And that's why they rail for Summers to be canned [Chorus] Wo-o-o-oh, yes, they despise Men, for men cause all their pain They hate Condi Rice Because she has a brain They take the vapors and whine about everything They are frauds (frauds) They're patent charlatans (charlatans) They're NAG womyn [Tag, to fade] They are frauds (frauds) They're patent charlatans (charlatans) They're NAG wo-o-o-o-omyn Oh, they're NAG wo-o-o-o-omyn NAG wo-o-o-oomyn.... Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-02-18 18:55:16 Top |
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Headline: Jimmy Carter Attack Sub Armed with Nerf Missiles Sketti in CA: Welcome to Scrappleville. You'll do fine if you remember one thing: Noter and others like him/her/it are ignoranuses--or, if you're a stickler for detail--ingorani. Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-02-18 14:41:08 Top |
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Headline: Jimmy Carter Attack Sub Armed with Nerf Missiles Noter: With less nuance, I meant to say you are a foul-mouthed jerk. Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-02-17 21:22:44 Top |
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Headline: Jimmy Carter Attack Sub Armed with Nerf Missiles Noter: Oh, well put, indeed. From your scintillating and thought-provoking post, I have deduced you are an expert on the subject. Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-02-17 21:20:52 Top |
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Headline: Jimmy Carter Attack Sub Armed with Nerf Missiles howie's happy Iran revolted; Scrapplers guffaw-- Cuz howie's re-dolted! Burma Shave™! (A subsidiary of Baldo's Shiny Wax™ for Balds, Inc.) BienHoaBaby: Your post mentioned "Iranian Intelligence". Was that oxymoron intended? Since Baghdad Bob is languishing in jail at present, perhaps Mr. Yunesi's nom de guerre should be Teheran Tuna. Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-02-17 15:07:37 Top |
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Headline: Jimmy Carter Attack Sub Armed with Nerf Missiles kajun: Thanks a lot. I hadn't thought of the orchestral back-up you mentioned, but I think only Jean-Fraude Kerriere would play the French horn. Orca Chappaquiddickus would play the Scotch bottles, which would cover the chromatic scale (quart/fifth/pint/half-pint/hip flask). Carter would play either the comb or his buck teeth. Of course, all of them could play only one note and in one key--F. Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-02-16 20:05:46 Top |
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Headline: Jimmy Carter Attack Sub Armed with Nerf Missiles Pipe Jones®: You, sir, are 100% correct-a-mento about Slick's attack sub--its shape, it sonar capability, and its open line to the ChiComs. In addition to those features, the USS William Jefferson Davis Blythe Clinton (code name: Have a Havana) is equipped with a special money scoop, called a Riady Conduit, since Slick's sales of cutting-edge tech secrets to the ChiComs call for cash on the barrel-head. The Riady Conduit disguises them and makes them disappear. Very hush-hush and on the QT.... Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-02-16 18:07:10 Top |
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Headline: Jimmy Carter Attack Sub Armed with Nerf Missiles ♪ ♪ ♪ DEMO BLUE ♪ ♪ ♪ [Tune: "Navy Blue", music and lyrics by Bob Crewe, Eddie Rambeau, and Bud Rehak; performed by Diane Renay] [Chorus] Blue, Demo Blue, Jimmy's Blue as he can be From the Seahare-class, this Dem jackass Disgraced the Nay-ee-ay-vee... [Verse] Slick selected Jimmy to jet around To bribe and wheedle Pyongyang, But Kim knew Jimmy was a feckless clown-- Kim's still flauntin' his nuke bang-bang! [Chorus] That's why he's... Blue, Demo Blue, Jimmy's Blue as he can be Has a large glass jaw And he ditched the Shah, Delighting Khomei-ee-ay-ni... [Verse] Jimmy oompahs, like he's still relevant, His peace-at-any-price sing-song He's a walkie-talkie Demo Blue sock puppet Who yawps: "Bush is always wrong!" [Chorus] He's bleedin'... Blue, Demo Blue, Jimmy's Blue as he can be Tell this peanut hick to save his shtick For Habitat for Huma-a-ni-ty... [Verse] The Carter's goin' on its shakedown cruise Call on UN and its one-world kooks But no one will be there to charm or schmooze-- Turtle Bay goes ballistic 'bout nukes! [Chorus] Till then he's... Blue, Demo Blue, Jimmy's Blue as he can be An attack sub named for this spineless schlub? Burlesques the Nay-ee-ay-vee... [Tag, to fade] (Solo vocal) Ah-ahhhhhhhhhhhh.... (Back-up vocals) Blue, Demo Blue, Jimmy's Blue as he can be.... Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-02-16 17:50:13 Top |
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Headline: Jimmy Carter Attack Sub Armed with Nerf Missiles Hm-m-m-m. The U.S.S. James Earl Carter. We know it will dive without any such order being given and it's the odds-on favorite to hold the steaming-in-circles record in perpetuity. Its engine-speed settings are "Slow", "Dead Slow", "Stop", and "Retreat". In honor of its steel-spined namesake, it will dither and temporize on cue. It's also equipped with auxiliary diesel motors. After it jettisons its nuclear reactors on the high seas, it will enter nuclear-free-zone ports such as San Francisco and Gibraltar under diesel power, lest offense be given to the no-nukes sensitivities of the local citizenry in such places. Slick. [Oops, that'll be the informal name for the U.S.S. W.J. Clinton when it's built.] Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-02-16 15:15:34 Top |
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Headline: NHL to Settle Salary Dispute with Lawyer Fistfight Leben Frie: You are far too kind; thank you for the undeserved accolades. I do the parodies for fun, not money, and to blow off the steam (which builds up upon overexposure to the toxic LSM and libs). I'm no techie, so I have no idea how to accomplish the feat you described. But 5% sounds fair. Why involve shysters? Isn't that why the NHL is about to be toast--lawyers catering to greed? When I read your impassioned post about the manly sport of hockey and your lament about the level to which it's fallen, I immediately recognized a fellow sufferer and addict, and I wanted to support your sentiments about the game. That Penguins' play-by-play guy [can't remember his name] made that beats-'im-like-a-rented-mule line famous. In the spirit of full disclosure, and since you've outed yourself as a Bruins maniac, I confess I'm one of the 2-3 Rangers fans in this part of N. CA. I guess I like lovable losers, and the Rangers certainly have been that, ever since they won the Cup. You have to stink not to make the NHL playoffs, and the Rangers do. One of my all-time highlights: Seeing a Rangers-Flyers game in person at new MSG several years ago. 20,000 screaming loonies venting real hatred for the Flyers! What a war! [Rangers lost, natch. Choked on defense and surrendered game-winning goal late in 3d period.] No wars this season, though--not even a battle or a skirmish. Just lawyers getting richer posturing over $$$ on behalf of Pamper™ed, rich clients. Sheesh. §[:-(] Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-02-15 17:42:49 Top |
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Headline: NHL to Settle Salary Dispute with Lawyer Fistfight After the two heavyweight shysters, Bettman and Goodenow, drop their gloves, they will then pull up their hockey sweaters, drop their shorts, and moon each other, like the Scots did to the English in "Braveheart". They will then circle each other, breathing murderous threats of eternal lawsuits, restraining orders, and revenue shares. NHL referees and linesmen will be summoned from their current inactivity for this tilt. They will enforce the "third shyster in" rule--any other lawyer who jumps into the Bettman-Goodenow fray while they're fighting gets a game misconduct, a hefty fine, and a suspension for the next regular season game, assuming the NHL has any more seasons. Meanwhile, since no NHL games are being played (except for those played by labor and management), the league will attempt to keep fans interested by broadcasting classic excerpts from radio descriptions of actual NHL games, from days gone by, when real games were played. Pittsburgh Penguins fans can reminisce with this featured excerpt: "Sto-o-o-len by the Penguins' defense at their blue line! Tapped to Jagr on the wing, he's off to the races with Lemieux, odd-man rush to center ice, full-throttle! Jagr, head-man pass to Lemieux across the blue line! Lemieux into the slot, drops it for Jagr at the top of the circle! Slap shot, Jagr....HE-E-E-E-E-E beats 'im like a rented mule!! A cannona-a-a-a-a-ding blast, top-shelf, glove-side!! 1-0, Penguins!" [Sigh....] Shut up and play, you bums!! Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-02-15 14:00:37 Top |
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Headline: Chavez Secretly Creating Venezuelan Utopia Maggie: [Sigh....] All too true, sad to say--the screed does go on...and on...and on. As the astute and perceptive Miss Virginia chided, we get what we pay for by dignifying "euro" with a reply. His profligate consumption of bandwidth is directly proportional to the misguided tendencies of well-meaning Scrapplers to engage his lunacy. "Euro" is an antisemitic jerk and proud of it. He would not know "argumentation", "logic", or "facts" if he were assaulted by them, as his own delusional rants conclusively prove. Why belabor the obvious? And why give the lunatic a soapbox here for his rants, which never change? His lunacy is on him. Allowing him to hijack threads by replying to him is on us. Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-02-14 17:36:05 Top |
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Headline: Stem Cell Law to Cripple State's Embryo Industry Tom: Thank you for, uh, sharing your deepest and most profound feelings with us. I'm awestruck by your command of the subject. Check back in another three or four years, and enlighten us with your self-proclaimed superior views on the matter. Satire is as satire does. De gustibus non est disputandum. Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-02-14 16:51:25 Top |
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Headline: Kim Jong-Il Threatens to Nuke North Koreans kajun: You're saying the mega-conglomerate, Baldo's Shiny Wax™ for Balds, has gobbled up that unique piece of Americana, Burma Shave™? Say it ain't so, Joe! Ah, well...Better Mr. Baldo get the goods than, say, Ben & Jerry's™. To celebrate his astute acquisition (and stay on topic, too): Kim Jong-Il And his party hacks-- Let them inhale Baldo's Shiny Wax™. Burma Shave™ [a division of Baldo's Shiny Wax™]! Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-02-12 15:23:20 Top |
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Headline: Senate Curbs Class Actions, Lawyers Shop New Senate Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish? A; One is a dirty scum-suckin' bottom-feeder, and the other is a fish. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, POSSUMTROT™!! (Um, save some of that 100-proof vodka for me. Enjoy your day at Scorpion Hill.) Attention, attention...All rise in Possum's honor and make a joyful noise: ♪ ♪ ♪ Today is a birthday, we wonder for whom... We know it is somebody right in this room, So look all around you for somebody who... Is smiling and happy...My goodness, it's YOU!! Happy birthday, Possum, From all of us to you, Happy birthday, Possum, From Big John and Sparky, too! We congratulate you And pray good luck follow you, Happy birthday, Possu-u-u-u-um-- May all of your good dreams...come...true!!! ♪ ♪ ♪ Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-02-11 22:12:48 Top |
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Headline: Little Eichmanns Group Celebrates Prof's Free Speech Hm-m-m-m...Ward Churchill.... A charter member and notorious purveyor & shillmeister of an outfit known as Bombastic University Lefty Laureates, Saps, Hacks, and Infantile Twits. Good at what he does, too. In the words of Sitting Bull, the great Hunkpapa Sioux chieftan, who would have taken a dim view of Professor Churchill's cant, posturing, and pretense: "M-m-m-m-m, White Eyes Churchill! Him not even cigar-store Ind-yun! His name, Ind-yun language, mean Sagging Jowls-Flower-Child-Gone-To Seed! Him get no more white-man wampum for speaking with forked tongue to paleface weenies at land-grant school! Him about to find out how Long-Knife Custer felt when all Ind-yun braves in world rode right down on him! Churchill's rump good target, many Ind-yun arrow! Hope Great White Father wear war paint, count coup many times, Churchill's fake Ind-yun headband!" Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-02-10 22:18:46 Top |
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Headline: U.N. 'Pre-bukes' U.S. Over North Korean Nukes Paraphrasing George C. Scott, as General Buck Turgidson in "Dr. Strangelove": "Mr. President! I smell a great big Commie rat here!...We simply cannot allow the North Koreans or the UN to create a pre-buke gap!" howie: Your post referred to North Korea as "...herself...." Please note: North Korea under Ding-Dong™ Ill is an itself. The remainder of your musings merits no reply. Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-02-10 14:45:31 Top |
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Headline: Bush Offers 'Ownership Society' Drug Benefit onlineanalyst: Budda-bing! Many thanks & kudos for posting those Boomer song titles! They show real promise as future song parody ideas, titles, and lyrics. I downloaded your post into a word processing file--now for osmosis and fermentation.... Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-02-10 13:54:56 Top |
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Headline: Bush Offers 'Ownership Society' Drug Benefit onlineanalyst: Rest easy. Your "inspiration credits" are in good hands. I squirrel them away until Maestro Ott provides a suitable thread and topic. In some cases, I don't know the real tune; those I don't squirrel away. [Disclaimer: No squirrels were harmed in the composition of any parody. Mr. Dean, in the Squirrel Department, will confirm this.] Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-02-09 19:16:54 Top |
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Headline: Bush Offers 'Ownership Society' Drug Benefit ♪ ♪ ♪ OUR MEDICARE THINGS ♪ ♪ ♪ [Tune: "My Favorite Things", from "The Sound of Music"; music by Richard Rodgers, lyrics by Oscar Hammerstein II] [Verse] Took some Viagra™, Our prospects are rising, Ingested Prozac™, Was so hypnotizing, Taxpayers fleeced While the old fogeys sing: "Can't get enough of our Medicare things!" [Verse] And to allay Those conservative hollers, BushCare lets oldsters Chalk up "dosage dollars", Drug bennie shell game Reprising "The Sting", Someone else pays for our Medicare things! [Chorus] When the plan hits Funding dry springs, Seniors' mugs look sad, They'll mau-mau for more of those Medicare things And impale D.C.--like Vlad! [Verse] Pelosi gets facelifts And JoKer gets Botox™, Boxer gets Thorazine™ Teddy gets detox, Carville gets Ritalin™ Slick's butt a sling, The Usual Suspects love Medicare things! [Chorus] All those drugs come With concealed strings-- Pass the Pepto™, lad, They've made universal our Medicare things To subsidize (bribe)...Grand Dad! [Tag] We'll go bust with all of our Medicare things-- Posterity will...get had! Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-02-09 19:07:26 Top |
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Headline: Pentagon Sets Rules of Engagement for Journalists howie: • You are "...an education major at Princeton University..."? That explains EVERYTHING! • You claimed: "...you do not get into an Ivy League school by being stupid." Indeed. Attending Ivy League schools causes stupidity, as your posts attest. Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-02-09 18:32:10 Top |
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Headline: NY Judge Bans Heterosexual Marriage Beerme: I think Michael Moore was the Beatles' inspiration for "I Am the Walrus". camojack: My condolences. I was thinking Pats by 10, but the Eagles really made a game of it. If they hadn't wasted so much time late in the 4th quarter using a huddle, sphincters might have puckered a bit more on the Pats' sideline. If they don't lose too many guys to free agency, they'll be back. McNabb is a tough stud and a class act, as I've said before. Eagles' defense stuffed Pats' running game most of the evening. Owens had a good statistical game, but I still can't stand his "look-at-me" antics. Just play and shut up, T.O.!! And lose the no-class dance fever!! §[:-)] Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-02-07 10:42:07 Top |
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Headline: NY Judge Bans Heterosexual Marriage Maggie: I think Judge Ling-Cod must have mind-melded with El Stinko the goat. How else to explain her jurisprudential stink-bomb/cerebral fart? ♪ ♪ And the screed goes on...And the screed goes on...♪ ♪ ♪ Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-02-06 17:12:28 Top |
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Headline: NY Judge Bans Heterosexual Marriage Ms RightWing, Inc.: You asked: "Isn't Gilroy the Gay Goat performing at halftime during the Superbowl?" You need to adjust your set. That was either Janet Jackson or Michael Jackson--I can't tell 'em apart. Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-02-06 17:01:03 Top |
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Headline: NY Judge Bans Heterosexual Marriage Hankmeister©: That tune, while apropos, was the basis for a joint-venture song parody by me and the AWOL bahabuddha™, entitled "Vintage Demoncrat Creeps" posted 10-25-04 ScrapThread (10-25-04): "Washington Post Endorses Scrappleface, Kerry"]. Meanwhile, Go, Illini!! Possumtrot™: Excellent points, to which--natch--Jack and his Beanstalk have yet to reply. And, oh, by the way, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-02-05 20:55:20 Top |
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Headline: Dems to Stage Spontaneous Hug of Their Own CKC: I liked your bedtime story. I heard a much, ah, raunchier version of it some time ago, when I was in the Army--something about 2 copulating canines, or something--but I forget the exact details. Probably better that way. §[:-)] Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-02-05 17:20:23 Top |
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Headline: NY Judge Bans Heterosexual Marriage ♪ ♪ ♪ TYRANT JUDGES ♪ ♪ ♪ [Tune: "Paper Roses", music and lyrics by Janice Torre and Fred Spielma; performed by Anita Bryant] [Verse] We realized the way your oath deceived us You promised you would not make up the law But your gay-marriage edict deeply grieved us You've rammed your predilections down our craws [Chorus] Tyrant judges, tyrant judges Masquerade as neutral jurisprudes But they're only imitations They're clandestine Hitlers on Quaaludes™ [Verse] We thought that you would be a faithful umpire You favored checks and balance at the start But you've transmogrified into a vampire Blood-sucking, arrogant judicial tart [Chorus] Tyrant judges, tyrant judges The Great Unwashed are boiling like a stew May your nauseous judicial sludges All go down the sewer pipes with you [Tag, to fade] The tsunami's heading straight for you Tyrant judges haven't got a clue Peasants' pitchforks gonna skewer you.... Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-02-05 13:12:58 Top |
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Headline: Dems to Stage Spontaneous Hug of Their Own Leben Frie: Or, you could, in Num Lock mode, go Alt 0153, and shaz-zam!::: ™ [This is an unpaid plug for CKC, the Cat of many 'Tudes, who let me know that particular secret handshake.] CKC: Cyber-hug to you, compliments of Leben Frie's bloghandle--click and enjoy animal magnetism. Santini--out. Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-02-04 23:22:18 Top |
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Headline: Dems to Stage Spontaneous Hug of Their Own Ms RightWing, Inc.: kajun nailed it!!! You heard o' C & W and R & B. File that parody under S & D, for STAND & DELIVER!! ROFL!! Y' gittin' mah drift, woman? An' dat ain't no ragtime! You bad, you righteous bad! §[:-)] Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-02-04 23:12:04 Top |
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Headline: Dems to Stage Spontaneous Hug of Their Own MargeinMI: Well, garsh, thanks. You are far too kind. [Blushing...] A warped sense of humor and being unbalanced are essential elements for the production of song parodies, and I'm, uh, blessed with both. You could look it up. Oh, wait--you did. Actually, you can blame it all on Maestro Ott, since the inspiration and impetus for parodies are provided by his scintillating satires. And that's the truth, not a suck-up. Right now, I trying to devise some devious, underhanded way to rip off camojack's birthday WFCCC gift from Ms RightWing, Inc.©, without anyone knowing about it. All's fair in love and WFCCC consumption! [Thinking cap: On.] Thanks again. By the way, Scrappleface™ couldn't exist without people of good will, wit, and humor, such as you. §[:-)] camojack: I'm stumped. None of the stratagems I've come up with for ripping off your WFCCCs would work. Can you help me out here? I realize you're a stand-up guy and all, but I'm desperate for a fix. §[:-)] Ms RightWing, Inc.: Chill. Thievery's not my long suit, since I'm not a liberal. Besides, camo has magnanimously let you off the hook. [Whispering--ps-s-s-st. You could send me camo's WFCCCs. No one would ever know, 'cept you and me, and I ain't tellin'....] §[:-)] Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-02-04 22:33:25 Top |
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Headline: Dems to Stage Spontaneous Hug of Their Own Ms RightWing, Inc.: You have become a going concern, with all your brilliant Teddy-doll products and--lest we forget--your outa this world WFCCCs. Welcome to the ranks of the blogosphere entrepreneurs et bon chance! Y'know, ol' Searchlight Harry is also a going concern, but for a wholly different reason--he wears the Huggies™ in his family. Yer dern tootin', thar, podnah! §[:-)] Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-02-04 19:57:48 Top |
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Headline: Dems to Stage Spontaneous Hug of Their Own ♪ ♪ ♪ SEARCHLIGHT HARRY ♪ ♪ ♪ [Tune: "The Ballad of Davy Crockett"] [Chorus] Born near a nuke waste dump in th' sagebrush, Where men're men, an' sheep're skeert, an' skies're lush, Servin' Dems in D.C., he's gone whorehouse plush, He's earnin' his livin'--wailin' "NO!" to George Bush! [Chorus] Searchlight, Searchlight Harry! The Mope of the Wild Frontier! Searchlight, Searchlight Harry! Chill out, boy, have a beer! [Verse] Harry don't like emotional displays, If they help the Republicans carry th' day, So he circled his troops, despite their feet of clay, And led a group-huggie, while Dem jackasses brayed! [Chorus] Searchlight, Searchlight Harry! His face set in a sneer! Searchlight, Searchlight Harry! He just says, "No", and jeers! [Verse] He bombed in New York, and Boston, and so He barnstormed the country in a Dem roadshow, His Huggies™ too tight, what a Dem yo-yo, He'll end up stuffed at the Alamo! [Chorus] Searchlight, Searchlight Harry! Tragic, like "King Lear"! Searchlight, Searchlight Harry! The laundry buccaneer! [Tag, to fade] The hobo wit and seer... The red-faced chanticleer... Give Harry a big Bronx cheer.... Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-02-04 19:28:33 Top |
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Headline: Dean Likely DNC Chief, Rove Denies Involvement Thorn '97: I have nothing at all against the Red Raiders, and I applaud the conservative student body + the degree you earned there. [Sigh...I just wish they'd beaten the Longhorns, whose coach's whining aced Cal out of a BCS bowl bid.] Maggie: Thank you. Remember, it's the subject of your verse, not the verse, which qualifies as "pitiful". You could look it up. §[:-)] Posted by The Great Santini on 2005-02-02 19:50:29 Top |
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