(2004-12-03) -- Physicians at Groningen Academic Hospital in the Netherlands today expanded the category of people with "no free will" who qualify for a procedure called "life ending without request," a form of euthanasia which doesn't require the patient's consent.

People who meet the qualifications of the so-called 'Groningen Protocol' are entitled to a lethal dose of muscle relaxant without the hassle of having to request the injection.

"At first our no-free-will category included only infants and the mentally incompetent," said Dr. Eduard Verhagen, clinical director of the hospital's pediatric clinic. "But then we realized there are others who lack free will on a situational basis--like prison inmates, children under the age of consent, especially orphans, people completely dependent upon government programs for their survival and certain fundamentalist religious types who believe that God has ordained everything that comes to pass."

The new, "less discriminatory" Groningen Protocol was immediately hailed as "a quantum leap in the field of health care and a civil rights landmark" by the Royal Dutch Medical Association (KNMG).

"Finally, the Dutch will be known for something more than tulips, windmills and wooden shoes," said an unnamed KNMG spokesman. "The Groningen Protocol will simplify all of our lives, end the overpopulation crisis and purify the human gene pool. When you think about it, it's really the ultimate solution."

http://www.ScrappleFace.com