First

--And the French are still against whatever we are doing

--The Clintons, ad nauseum

Ahhh the Clinton News Network.

Yes, lots of killers out there and certainly nothing newsworthy. I will say I was really disappointed in Foxnews for airing the "story" about "Bambi Hunting". For an extra fee, one can mount their quarry when finished. Nevada, a great place for family values

There was a guy near here who "mounted" his deer after killing it.

Why does America tolerate the intolerable? Can't we just put those sorts of fools out of our misery? I'm ranting about prisoner rights, and I'm sure one of the lawyers will explain it to me. I still don't get it.

Don't forget, the NAACP, will still side with the Democrats, BUT, just so they won't get to comfortable, they will tell them, "There is still a lot of work to be done! Now, where are our reparations?"

They can also put Jesse Jackson on a film loop, and splice in the Organization that is his, 'Shakedown of the Month!'

How about, Michael Moore just made another documentary, about some stupid white guy/Republican/Bush, and has been hailed as 'King of Hollywood'!

Off topic. After watching Tony Blair address Congress today, I think I figured out why Hillary Clinton doesn't stand and clap more during speeches.

She was easy to spot because of the bright dress. (Orange, I think.) After the first several times she got up, I noticed some sparks coming off the arms of the chair, I think maybe there was too much friction with her 'wide load' bottom, and the chair. I also noticed she had a sour, 'Nancy Piglosi' look on her face, UNTIL, she realized the camera was on her, then changed to a wide smile!

Speaking of Piglosi, I think her hands must have hurt, because everytime Blair said anything about Bush or the war, she didn't clap.

I think Daschle may be part dog, as he seemed like he was going to jump in Tony Blair's lap. I'm sure Kerry told Blair, "Just so you know, I'm not against Britan's involment in the war, JUST Bush's. If I could, I would be on the front lines in Iraq, I was in 'NAM', ya know!"

With regards to the story itself: straight up funny stuff, had me laughing audibly.

Speaking of reparations will our 42nd President be eligible?

I now wonder since Benin has apologized for their part in the slave trade can I receive reparations from them for my ancestors who died trying to free the descendants of the people they sold into slavery?

So I don't get accused of thread highjack...

How about CNN stories about people we accidently killed while liberating millions?

If Arab TV airs stuff from not-quite-dead feeling-much-better nasty people, we should go and bomb the [self-censored] out of them again. If we know where they are.

Jericho: No, they only slant it the other way - 'We killed these people because we wanted the oil... no war for oil... Halliburton... Big Oil... peaceful dictator... no WMDs... Bush lied... Hey, Comical Ali, what do you think about this? Oh, you hate Bush? Why? Got anything to say to him? Oh, here comes a person who will say something we don't agree with. Quick, turn off the camera.'

--the Castro-Carter Summit for Peace
--some story about Terry McAuliffe making some empty statement that we applaud
--Your Air is Dirtier than Four Years Ago, and It's All Bush's Fault
--"The Interchangeables"--[you'll have to seach for that thread] all criticizing President Bush, but none of them give an actual solution

Do you people actually watch CNN, or do you just parrot stale attacks on it without bothering to think for yourselves?

Quick, someone quote Ann Coulter to prove that CNN is run by traitors.

Dizoo
You are correct, and welcome to the BS Hate Fighters United! That Right wing dominated CNN gets me burned up too. I would never parot them.

Also I notice Mr ScrappleFace left "Bush Lied" off his categories, but that Bush told a big fat whopper of a lie, and it's the big story of the new milineum.

If you click my name you'll learn about proof about his lie, from someone trained to find the truth!

Hate Fighters Unite!

Bambi Stokes Hymington's thoughts for today:
Well, I'm sure most of you logged on hear to see what Bambi Stokes-Hymington was thinking today. Well, I'll tell you you won't go away disapointed.
1. Some advanced aged individual was involved in a fatal car incident in California. Although I'm waiting to see what King George has to say before I completely make up my mind about it I must say I'm often a scatter brain driver myself because of fast foods and cell phones and I don't want a Republican government to decide whether or not I get a liscense or not.

2. You know who doesn't get enough credits? Katie Couric, that's who. She's perky and not only tells about the latest lies from King George but also the latest shoe fashions for summer and excellent cookie recipes. Someone who helps me decide who to vote for and provides me with tasty cookies is numero uno in my book. And she doesn't "package" her news. So there.

I'll be back more with later.

But Bambi (who kinda is a man): Katie doesn't need to package her news...it's all the same:
1. Lies Bush Told
2. Shoe fashion because she is so upset and feels bad about The Lies Bush Told.
3. Cookie because she has this complusion to eat sweets when she is so upset and feels bad about The Lies Bush Told.

Dizoo...us, be satirical in our programming ideas for CNN? On THIS site?

One questions: what did you inhale?

As much as I hate to respond to anything from Scott Ritter:

Ritter said Washington had never meant to let U.N. inspectors finish the task of disarming Iraq

If they didn't have weapons, what was there for the UN inspectors to finish? Should we have just let them continue to inspect ad infititem?

Wow. Where does he get his information? To both know that Bush was lying and know Iraq had no weapons after quitting in 1998, he must really be in tight with the current administration. I'm impressed.

We need more interviews with semi-toothless morons who just got a) flooded out of their shack and have vowed to rebuild for the fifth time, or b) just got their double-wide destoyed by a tornado.

Any bets on when the California legislature proposes a bill to require retesting and certification of older drivers?

- Global warming is a fact, it's caused by US industry and the European countries hate us for it.

- Heart warming yet troubling stories about down and out single mothers who face terrible hardship because evil Republicans have: put a time limit on collecting welfare/ enacted work-fare/ don't provide free day care etc.

- Troubling stories about violent hate crimes that don't have Caucasians as the victims or homosexuals as the perpetrators.

- Entertainment profiles of (insert celebrity name here) that touch on what they are doing now but focus on their political opinions.

- Stories about employees who lost their retirement savings by recklessly and greedily over investing in a once high flying company stock when they had multiple investing options that would have minimized the risk. Stories will include vilifications (some justified) of greedy corporate executives and pronunciations that everyone's retirement plan is in similar danger.

...and Sparky the Water-Skiing Squirrel!

--Outrageous, bigotted, anti-religious things our founder and hero Ted Turner said recently while intoxicated.

"HEY, who let the Fox Nexs guy work on my teleprompter?" Aaron Brown

I love that water skiing squirrel!

The media also does a great job of educating civilians about the military by running stories on:

- military single mothers who apparently didn't read their enlistment papers, chose to have a baby without arranging for a caretaker, and are shocked to find that they may have to deploy with everyone else

- the current whereabouts and troop deployments of American forces. This is a great public service to the military family, especially since the service member is told not to reveal this information to family because it's supposed to be a secret.

- how there are a few members of the military who don't agree with the President's foreign policy.

- apparently there are also some military spouses and parents who want their service member to come home.

- in the world's largest military, which is mostly composed of young men from 18-24, there are apparently a few bad apples who get involved with underage females.

I would like to point out to Scrapplers that I have filed a multi-zillion dollar suit against CNN seeking damages, royalties, and rights to Ted Turners' CNN rooftop condo one weekend a month on behalf of my client, the water skiing squirrel. CNN has made millions showing video of my client whenever news gets slow. I mean, you can't have a missing person story every night for months until the next war ... never mind. The point is, CNN has profited from my clients' image and work over the years, and it must stop.

I warn Scrapplers that should you continue a string of posts about my client for your own shameless profit, you may be added you to the water skiing squirrel lawsuit. My client didn't spend years of dangerous training over waters containing big, squirrel eating catfish just to have a bunch of liberal wankers in Atlanta make millions showing some paparatzi taken video of him over and over again.

Govern yourselves accordingly.

But can the squirrel snow-ski?

No, that is his cousin Flakey the Snow-Skiing Gopher.

More and more often it seems that what I see on TV news is just a repeat of what I've already read on weblogs this morning, yesterday, or earlier in the week (with the weblogs offering more in-depth coverage.)

Except for the squirrel.

Unfortunately, the news isn't as informative, is WAY too biased (even in just the headlines used), and isn't nearly as funny.

And they don't have Cassandra.

But we'll offer them Comical Rummy (who really isn't).

CNN BREAKING NEWS

The French government today announced it has commenced a major operation to stamp out domestic terrorism.

"This morning French police swooped down on several sites across France arresting computer users who dared defy the government and continue to use the outlawed term e-mail. These terrorists are a threat to the superior culture of France and they will be eradicated", stated FranÁois Goebbels, Minister of Culture and Propaganda.

Minister Goebbels stated that the war on terrorism will be a long hard fight but swore that his ministry would not stop until it has identified and eliminated all foreign infestations that threaten the pure French culture.

Cassandra,

As to the source of Scott Ritter's information, I think he gets it from 14 year old girls.

Wouldn't surprise me a bit.

I just read my Scott Ritter post - that should have been "ad infinitem"

D'OH - preview first, THEN post.

I think the squirrel could host a show at CNN.

Whatta ya think dizzy? Ask your boss for us, OK?

Dear KJ, council for water skiing squirrel:

Please be advised we will be watching your lawsuit closely for your amount of monitary winfall, as we are prepared to sue Mr Squirrel's owner. We feel his feet and paws, MUST HAVE been super-glued to the ski's and hand-hold, and intend to prove this, in a court of law!

Respectfully, PETA

So you assume my client was using improper substances and did not water ski b/c of his hard work, training and skill? You have accused my talented client of being a cheater here on an international web blog and you are clearly a speciesist.

I am drafting the Complaint for defamation and species discrimination against PETA now.

Cassandra and big time Sublime. I am informing you now that you got it all wrong about Mr. Scott Ritter. He get's his information from me and that is an un impeachable source. It's his jollies that he get from those 14 yr. old females. That he learned from Uday.

And believe me now, that's their business, I don't wanna know.

Scott, you have saved us so much time. We do not have to read newspapers or watch the news for a long time. You have given us all the news stories for the next year.

If any news event is not on your list, the media will ignore it.

Hmmmmmm..........Flying Squirrels.

I have this creepy feeling ,that at the moment of my demise i will be lead through the gates of heaven and god will turn towards me and it will be ted turner

(Captain picard&Q;)

Can you be God if you don't believe in yourself?

Should have had more self esteem focus as a child.

I guess He wasted all His time in school learning biology, planetology, cosmology, etc. I guess His school wanted right answers, instead of "feeling good" about yourself.

Funny. I used to "feel good about myself" in school when I got a test back that had a good grade on it.

Why God Never Received Tenure at the University

Because he had only one major publication.
And it was in Hebrew.
And it had no cited references.
And it wasn't published in a refereed journal or even submitted for
peer review.
And some even doubt he wrote it himself.
It may be true that he created the world but what has he done since?
His cooperative efforts have been quite limited.
The scientific community has had a very rough time trying to replicate
his results.
He never applied to the Ethics Board for permission to use human subjects.
When one experiment went awry, he tried to cover it up by drowning the
subjects.
He rarely came to class, just told students to read the book.
He expelled his first two students for learning.
Although there were only ten requirements, most students failed his
tests.
His office hours were infrequent and usually held on a mountain top.
When subjects didn't behave as predicted, he often punished them, or just deleted them from the sample.

(From http://www.workjoke.com/projoke15.htm)

HELLO MY NAME IS P!!!!!!!!!!