PETA didn't seem to notice that Simon hit the fake animal carcass with a real plant carcass, his bat. How many plants had to die so that you could eat your veggie burger?

Just a misdemeanor? WTF? This is assault with intent to cause great bodily harm. The cops let him finish the game before arresting him- shame on the cops. The Pirates did not fire him on the spot. Shame on the Pirates. He deserves five years in jail followed by permanent deportation to his native Curacoa.

First

And we all know what hot dogs are made of...

Oops, not first. Rats.

Craig,
Saw the tape. Can't see the intent cause great bodily harm. Looks like he aimed way up on the fake sausage.

Stupid? Yes it was. Extremely. Malicious? Naw.

Of course, if it could get me exiled to a tropical island, I'd be tempted to club a few people wearing large silly costumes.

Besides, the Pirates suck.

Simon explained that his conduct was protected free speech. He was simply showing his frustration with the Italian government (it was the Italian sausage he hit), which supported President Bush in the unjust war for Iraqi oil. His charges were then raised to include a hate crime.

MAN...scared me for a second when I read the forum title. I was scared for ANYONE who would face the wrath of fellow Scrapplerette Cassandra after hitting her dog ( named: Sausage)---and also would have found it confusing that PETA would defend someone hitting an animal (in the weiner dog case)...which would then mean that they're totally hypocritical in not defending an animal because it' nicknamed after an elongated mess of nitrites and nitrates which they oppose because its made from another animal...or animalS....

Furthermore, where was PETA when Sammy Sosa was batting balls with the rare flying rodent--corked bat???...

When Cassandra shows up here--I'm ducking outta the way!

Meanwhile PETA still has their fruit of the loom all in a wad

some-
Let's see if he can earn over a million a year back on his tropical isle. So he aimed high, it is assault with a deadly weapon. It's bad enough when fans get onto the field and punch out umpires and players, this is simply beyond the pale. This MUST be made into an example. If one of my employees assaults another employee or a customer, I would be obligated to fire him on the spot and get the cops to haul his sorry *ss to jail.

Nothing personal to you, but this story just got my hackles up, way up!

Oops. I was edited. At least 1/2 my comment made it, unlike someone else's. Sorry Scott, I thought it was clean enough.

Hmmm,

I dunno, its about the only thing that could make me watch a sports game (and *gasp*) I agree with SRG the Pirates are a worthless plague on the city of Pittsburgh (a town beset with many plagues including a disproportionate number of liberals (any number greater than one)).

What would u name a game that whacks giant sausages with bats? Is it reality TV?

You can also see a virtual race online: http://www.klements.com/Games/index.html

Vegetarians and Vegans?

For crying out loud PETA, it happened in Milwaukee! Home of the beer broiled brat.

Ainít no stinking Vegs up dere.

The question will come down to whether he intended to assault the sausage. Was it a spur of the moment thing? Or did he come to the ballpark on that evening intending to swat a sausage with his bat?

And what about the people in the stands who were eating sausages and hotdogs at the game? Were they engaged in the willful destruction of one of the runners in effigy? Are they culpable? Is there any possibility that Randal Simon was incited to violence by the sight of one of the fans in the stands gulping down a dog with grease running down his chin? and mustard on his nose and face? Oh, the humanity!!!!

We should deport all of them.

Some people think this is satire. But no: PETA has actually criticized the sausage race before.

I have this fantastic dream where Ingrid Newkirk and I bathe in port wine reduction and then drink bottles of cabernet while sliding sliced sirloin into our hungry mouths. Small chinese men throw caesar salads at us, and I wake the mext morning with strawberry cheesecake filling my mouth.

Grrrr....

OK - all you attorneys out there - how much will you charge if I sue on behalf of my wiener dog for intentional infliction of emotional distress?

He is severely traumatized by this violent display of animosity to creatures endowed with a tubular body type. The damage is so severe that he now lies around in the sun all day, chewing on rawhide bones...* We as a society can not afford to tolerate the rampant scourge of "shape-ism". On this day -- a day that will live in infamy - a new class of victims has been created.

*wait a minute - this is exactly what he did all day before the unfortunate sausage attack...

Peta
an organization made up of bierkenstock wearing goateed maggots living off of dads trust fund.
You can find these people often at NYU selling DAS KAPITOL and bad mouthing our government,extolling the virtues of marxism and then driving off in their imported Japanese sports cars provided to them by dad.
Its nice to have an agenda
Its nice to protest people eating animals
It would be nice to hang around NYU smoking weed all day in the brilliant sunshine.

I dont have time,see I pay taxes,go to work and feed my family and if one of these snot nosed little pukes doused my wifes rabbit coat with red paint theyd end up with a gunshot wound if they were lucky,if they werent theyd end up in the east river.

PETA: People Eating Tasty Animals.

"First you kill it, then you grill it."
--Ted Nugent

I just went to scrappleface and minimized and forgot what page I was on, and I honestly thought this was a real news story for a second. Crazy ol' PETA and me believing they will say and do about anything.

When asked for comment Pirates spokesperson Larry Silverman stated the organization had mixed feelings about the incident.

"Obviously we don't condone violence, but at least Simon hit something ... that's more then we can say for the rest of the lineup", stated Silverman.

Nice rant Sean.

I'm worried about you and SRG, I hate to see you both succumbing to the PC movement and holding back your feelings from fear of creating a "collision of experience" for those of the vegan persuasion...

Let it out - you'll feel much better :)

srg said it best, The Pirates suck. The cheesheads should have rioted and surrounded the Pirate dugout demanding brats and more beer.
Look for a Pirate to get beaned in the next game of the series.

Sausages always get the newsprint.Where would they be without me? I must lead the life of a second class citizen.This wasn't my first choice.

I mean, the Brewers play in a nice stadium. I watched the Braves beat them there. But does anyone remember that the Brewers suck, too?

But if they want to bean a Pirate, I won't protest.

Pitchers in general need to take the plate back, and the only way to do that is put the fear of God in the batters. We also need to get rid of the body armor for the batters. While batting, batters should have nothing more than a helmet, a shin guard to protect them from the their own foul balls, and a cup, to protect their future children. And pants. Sorry Matt.

I used to be important too. Then that darn Adkins guy started opening his big mouth.

Condiment tray:

Condiments are important too - I always told my boys to use condiments to protect themselves and their partners.

Cassie howve ya been???
I too own(ed) Dachshunds,matter of fact I bought my 6 year old daughter 1 for her birthday on saturday,2lbs 12oz long haired...
I,for a rather large man,love these creatures and I still have a picture of zsa zsa on my desk,God rest her soul..
Peta????

Can you believe these people survived high school

Anyone catch the headline on msnbc.com earlier today? It said, and I quote:

"Pirate grilled after whacking sausage."

We all had a good laugh about that at my office. They changed the wording later in the same day.

Aaron

Sean:

We're trying to decide whether to get a puppy - don't know how Sausage will react (especially after the Pirates bat incident). He's a great little dog - he has the body of, well...a sausage...but the heart of a lion.

>>>the Pirates are a worthless plague on the city of Pittsburgh (a town beset with many plagues--

I certainly hope you are not refering to, The Great Heinz Company, of Pittsburg, PA, which my sweetie, 'Heinz Chick' and Myself, are the owners of?

I don't mean to frighten you but, just for the record, "I AM a 'Nam' Vet! (That's what us-------oh, you know).

Be sure to pick up some Heinz products this week, for your cook-outs this week-end! Even if you don't like me, remember, 'Heinz Chick's' last Hubby was a Republican, who died a 'Mysterious Death', and maybe so will I! Who know's, she may go Independant, for her next marriage!

Don't forget to, 'Kill, Kill, Kill!'

The bratwurst was quoted as saying ìthat Italian sausage deserved itÖ he is a criminal.î The sausage responded by saying ìWe are making a stew of sausagesÖ surely you can play the part of the disgusting crud that needs to be skimmed off the top.î

The kielbasa stood firmly behind the hot dog, who exclaimed to the said player, ìbring it on!î

Hans Blix, the umpire of the the game insisted that he be given ìmore time to review the tape as we have no absolute proof there was a bat.î

The croissant, who noone was paying attention to, insisted ìzere iss no bat, you silly hot doks. You hot dok cowboiz cannot justify any akshun against zis playerÖ he haz sovereign rahts you know.î

The plagues of Pittsburgh are as follows:

PennDOT : Two PennDOT (Pensylvania Department of Transportation) workers were holding up their shovels. The second followed the irritated glance of the first to a slug on the ground. The first PennDOT worker hefted his pponderous gut out of the way and creamed the poor slug with his shovel. "Whatcha do dat for?" asked the stymied second mental pigmy. "*Huff* *Huff* --- that ##$%^# slug's been following me all day".

The Pirates: Pi = 3.14, which is accurate to insist that the Pirates are more or less third rate.

The taxes: My mother lives in a house worth about 60,000 and pays $5,000 a year in taxes. Personally I'm not sure who is crazier, my mother for continuing to live there, or the tax assessments.

The Tunnels: or rather the claustraphobic individuals who cant seem to maintain speed while driving thru one. The end result is a bottleneck on a clear 4 lane highway.

Monkeys: oh heck they don't live exclusively in Pittsburgh, I just think they are disgusting.

Boils and the Angel of Death: or the union mentality. $40.00 dollars an hour to push a broom at a steel plant. They can ship steel cheaper from the Baltic than make it in Pittsburgh. Goodness know tho every time a plant is gonna shut down they need more $$$ from the gubnament.

COMMENTS FROM ACROSS THE LEAGUE

This is what people across the league have to say about the sausage incident -

George Steinbrenner - What was Pedro Martinez thinking when he hit that sausage ... baseball needs to look into this"

Grady Little - "yall, huenmph caz bazball"

Moe Vaughn - "mmm sausage"

Pedro Martinez - "Old George Porgy can buy all the sausages in the league if he wants, but he can't make me fear eating them"

Roger Clemens - "That sausage was too close to the dugout ... next time I face them I will have to reassess how I pitch at ... oops, I mean to them"

Dusty 'The Greek' Baker - "This proves exactly what I've been saying, these dark skinned sausages are better suited to running around in the heat then light skinned sausages ... your polish sausage, hot dog, Italian Sausage, and bratwursts all dark skinned and they were brought over here because they could stand up to the heat ... your old pale white pork, chicken or turkey sausages would have wilted, and no way would they have stood up to getting whacked in the head by a bat"

Barry Bonds - "The @&%$* sausage shouldn't have been on the @#%&* field to begin with"

Rickey Henderson - "Hey, if that guy gets suspended, I'm still available .. and as the story on ESPN tells, I have no problems with hot dogs"

Tom Glavine - "These sausages are ruining baseball"

Side fact: Simon, the now infamous Pirate, is the former Brave teammate of John Rocker. In Rocker's infamous Sports Illustrated interview, Simon is the Braves teammate Rocker referred to as a fat ape or big monkey or some similar reference, which was part of Rocker's bad PR.

If only Rocker had said, "you know, that is probably why Simon can stand up so well in the heat."

Frodo: you're a hoot. We missed you while you were drilling.

Frodo you are the King....

Dr. Stuhl don't be giving Frodo a swelled head. He just might decide to keep that ring and then we would all be ground up in Sauron's sausage mill.

Henderson would have said, "Ricky Henderson is still available, and Ricky Henderson has no problems with sausage."

As for the Veggie types: I did not claw my to the top of the food chain for Brussel Sprouts.

I like fruit and veggies, I just like to have them while also eating animal flesh.

Ohhhh, I've been edited ... guess the powers that be here at Scapppleface thought my final entry was to risquÈ!

One risque sausage comment, banned in time, saves nine...

Scott was only trying to avert a potential avalanche of tubular references.

Censorship, plain and simple ... I demand my right to be heard in front of congress.

I can't eat vegtables,Asparagus makes my pee smell funny.

While cencorship runs rampant on this string over puns about tubular meat and self gratification, three-ways are given free reign on the new Chirac story above.

This is viewpoint discrimination against asexual references.

Was the bat corked?

Was the bat corked?

Posted by: Harden Stuhl on July 13, 2003 01:23 AM

***********No...but the sausage was torqued!!

AGAIN with the insensitive corked Bat comments - I am shocked - yes, and deeply saddened by the failure of the posters on this thread to harken to the plight of the MidWestern Corked Bat. Sigh...

Anyone catch the headline on msnbc.com earlier today? It said, and I quote:

"Pirate grilled after whacking sausage."

We all had a good laugh about that at my office. They changed the wording later in the same day.

Aaron

Posted by: Aaron on July 10, 2003 04:53 PM

I was really wondering WHAT had happened to Scott Ott when I saw the headline... The wonders of slang... Everything has a hidden second meaning... I have run afoul of this sort of thing many times, being a little more innocent than most of my friends. Grrrr. I hate slang.

This is too hilarious...

PETA Imitates ScrappleFace

(From WSJ Best of the Web...)

"PETA has written to Milwaukee Brewers President Wendy Selig-Prieb, renewing its request that a fifth contestant be entered in Miller Park's famous 'Sausage Race' in light of the recent incident in which Pittsburgh Pirate Randall Simon attacked the 'Italian Sausage' with a baseball bat. Traditionally, four participants dressed to represent various meat sausages race from the outfield to home plate, and last year, PETA requested that a vegetarian 'soysage' be included in the race. Now, PETA recommends that, in order to set a nonviolent example to offset the recent brawls and 'beanings' in MLB, the Brewers should field a Sausage Race participant that does not represent the violence inherent in meat production, which includes castration, debeaking, dehorning, and throat-slitting."--PETA press release, July 10

http://www.peta.org/news/NewsItem.asp?id=2600

I think you missed the point. The ballplayer did not whack the sausage because he is a PETA-enthusiast. He did it cause he is a dope.

Long live the consumption of all wiener-like foods!!

Yep, it was stupid to hit the sausage. I wonder why he did it?

That is so stupid. Peta didn';t do that nor did a peta member do that. Peta didn't say that. And this whole thing is stupid. Those people save millions of animals lives and they get repaid how? By getting ridiculed by their peers. Honestly! Believing such an obviously fake article on a SATIRE site!