I'm first, YES!

the AMA and the APA are known for their whimsicalness. i think it was the APA that changed the science's official view of homosexuality because of rabid lobbying rather than scientific research.

Once again litigiaphobia raises its ugly head. This irrational condition afflicting millions is giving people a skewed view of the legal profession.
Attorneys are civic minded professionals who selflessly give of their time and expertise to guide citizens through the confusing morass of the legal system. It is the good of the community that motivates these noble men and women.

(The preceding was a public service message from the American Bar Association)

Shakespeare: First thing we do, Let's kill all the lawyers!

Me: ditto!

nuff said

Two scariest mergers:
FBIBM
NRABA

What's a lawyer up to his neck in concrete?

Not enough concrete!

How can you tell the difference between a dead lawyer and a dead skunk in the road?

The skunk has tire skidmarks around it!

Sorry, I just couldn't resist the opportunity to rag on lawyers some more.

Click on my name for more lawyer jokes.

Trial Lawyers are already cloned. The source donor was John Dillinger

I am having legal problems now, that I believe are my attorney's fault. His answer is, "What needs to be done now, was not included in my original fee, it will be extra!"

How do people like him sleep at night?

If you think judges are any different, think again, they are attorney's too. I saw my attorney in the hallway, before court, laughing and having a good old time with the judge, and would bet, he did the same with the opposition attorney!

Speaking of malpractice...

What's the difference between God and a doctor?

God knows he isn't a doctor.

My brother-in-law died two weeks ago after a series of misdiagnoses and finally a staph infection.

The arrogance displayed by the primary attending physician was nothing short of insulting.

Lawyers are still my favorite professionals and am looking forward to the coming lawsuits.

Gonna set the dogs on 'em.

Sic 'em

Scr*wed,

These guys come to practice law everytime in the same courthouse and face off with each other over and over again.
Like the cartoon where the wolf and the sheepdog clock in/out at the tree at the same time everyday.
It's not our nature to hate the opposing team just because they're our opponents. Or the officiating crew for that matter.

Okie Dokie My condolences and prayers regarding the unnecessary loss of your bro-in-law. I pray for all those hurting because of the loss.
(and for "HOUSE cleaning" amongs Dr's,etc)

See the site www.nolo.com/humor/jokes.cfm for several hundred lawyer jokes.
The site, by the way, was created by lawyers, for lawyers.
Self-deprecating humor is the best sort.

s.r.g., esq.

Okie, we disagree on many things, but I hope you will accept my condolences on your loss. I also hope the legal system grants your family a measure of justice.

yaksun, atty.

(levity) A lawyer and two others are aboard a capsized boat which is sinking in raging storm. No rescue boat available or capable. Helpless onlookers on shore are transfixed with terror. The first 2 swim for shore, a mile or so away, and are eaten by sharks. Onlookers gasp and wretch. The third, a lawyer, realizing he is only seconds away from being swept under, makes for shore. To the surprise of everyone, the circling sharks form a "V" and escort him safely to shore, buoying him up when he is tired. When he arrives, news reporter asks him to explain the creatures' odd behavior. "Professional courtesy," he replies.

.and (if I may add)

what's brown and black and looks good on an attorney?

doberman!

oh my all this time I thought that Malpractice attorneys were grown like mushrooms in dark places with lots of..of..of..Scott I don't know how to say the right word lady like, how about Manure... only not so clean. I'm a momma many times and I have threatened those kids I would haunt them past the grave if they took up the practice.

Long, but somewhat decent lawyer joke, I suppose...

An engineer dies and arrives at the pearly gates. After rumbling through the entry rolls, St. Pete says "Sorry, you're not supposed to be here," and the poor engineer is sent to hell.

Upon initial interogation in hell, he is found to be an engineer, and immediately put to work fixing all of the dilapidated areas. Couple of years later, hell is a paradise, with running water, air conditioning and other creature comforts.

One day, during their monthly teleconference, the devil mentions something to god about the new nice conditions that are result of a scr*w up in heaven's admission system. God, furious about the situation says, "Engineers aren't supposed to go to hell. You better return the engineer to us, or I'll sue!". To which the devil replies, "and where in heaven are you going to find a lawyer?" :)

LPB

As the lawyer woke up from the anesthesia, he looked around the room and asked the doctor, "Why are all the blinds drawn?"
The doctor answered, "Well, there is a big fire across the street, we didn't want you to wake up and think the operation had failed."

"Virtue in the middle", said the Devil as he sat between two lawyers.
--Danish proverb

Can we clone Congress?

Why bother cloning Congress? Politicians reproduce by fission...just like the rest of the bacteria.

Congress is already a bunch of clones. Its so refreshing and child friendly at the circus ... err Congress.

If I cloned my wife would I be a POLYGAMIST? Simple minds want to know. If I cloned myself would I get more vacation?

"Send in the Clones,
they're,--already, here!"

Isn't that how that song went?

LF Cat: Did you get my link to, 'The Cat's Diary'?

Susan Serin-D I DID get the Cat Diary and LOVED it. Isn't it EXACTLY what you'd expect YOUR cat to write?? (:~})

Here's another (copy/paste) cat link I promised you a few days ago:
http://www.gotlaughs.com/funpages/hilarious_kitties.cfm

EXCUSE ME--Fr. Guido...You DO mean "Father", right?
WHAT are you doing with a WIFE anyhow???--[rhetorical-NOT personal question :~}]...or is that "Episcopalian" father?. If not & you're found out??---you'll get PLENTY of "vacation"!(:~})...starting with a visit to ROME!.....ahem....

Quote:If I cloned myself would I get more vacation?

No just the opportunity to work twice as hard..
receive one half your standard tax deduction,and if you wear glasses,
we could all start calling you eight eyes...

...and then if someone told you to go f--- yourself...