Hahaha
1st!?

You are going down Mr or Ms. Ha HA . By divine right of monarchs, I should be first. Instead you choose to make a mockery of this entire post with your silly psuedonym. Let the beatings begin.

Racing to take advantage of this deregulation, Night Ridder (a paper publishing conglomerate) announced plans to open its own news chanel. It will be amed at the hardcore paper readers and will feature an anchor sitting behind a desk on a no frills set reading the newspaper aloud.

Guys, guys. Keep it up and it will be reported in a non existent paper by a has been TV reporter that doesnt exist that atrocities are being commited (one t or 2?) on the internet on Scrappleface!!

But of course, only a great investigative jopurnalist with an unquenchable thirst for truth like Rick Bragg could discover "the rest of the story" - the sordid facts Mr Ott does not want you to know!

I sit here in my litter box
Staring out the window.
Squirrels, Squirrels
Pesky treeborne rodents.
Scurrying through my yard
Clambering among my trees.
Spreading plagues.
Devouring the suburban landscape.

I, the Lynch Family Cat am on to you.
I know you are scheming
I know of your plots and plans
To take over the world,
With Free Masons at your side
You will overthrow, undermine, or replace
Governments.
You want world domination.
But I KNOW
And I am telling.

Squirrels are nothing but rats with good PR.

Squirrels are much more pleasing on the eyes and they tend to be out in the open as opposed to rats,who tend to hide in the shadows.
They claim there are over 40 million rats in new york city and thats not counting the ones in the Gambino crime family.

Sean, that is what is so insidious about squirrels. They are rats wearing disguises. They can sneak up to you and infect you with their diseases. Remember, appearance is not everything.

You tell them Cat!!!
Sean, you are a buffoon. It is time for you and all of your squirrel loving friends to answer the clarionís call and fight off the squirrel invasion or meet your doom. Do realize how deep this squirrel conspiracy goes? Generations of American youth (you appear to be among them) were brainwashed into believing that squirrels are harmless. Cartoons like secret squirrel and Rocky and Bullwinkle portrayed squirrels as heroes. Bugs Bunney and Disney both had cute but mischevous chipmunk duos too. This belies the harm that these pest can inflict on a unwitting victim. I should know. My aunt was attacked and killed by a pack of maurauding squirrels. She had wandered into the park and sat on a bench to rest. She then decided to share the leftovers from her peanut butter sandwich with the ìcute squirrelsî playing nearby. Well, without going into details, the police had to use DNA to identify her skeletal remains. The beasts had totally stripped al of her flesh away.

Click on my name and you can see a picture of me.

I fear the day when ESPN buys out ESPN2, ESPNNews, and ESPN Classic to return us to the days of no-choice ESPN-only sports news for viewers.

Mike
Perhaps your aunt was named Natasha and was involved with that dirty red Boris.The Americans have a debt of gratitude owed to that feisty little squirrel..

Heres to you Rocky and thank you for keeping our nation free from the red menace.

Sean:

You poor, deluded biped - please listen to Mike S., LFCat, and SRG. You have no idea how vast the Squirrel Propaganda machine is - its sharp little claws are deeply embedded in every facet of American life. Squirrel spies are everywhere - in trees, in holes in under the ground, gathering secret intelligence on our social security numbers, credit records, and favorite breakfast cereal as they pretend to gather nuts.

Yes, this is the Secret Squirrel we have all heard about - but he has his own website, Theme Song, advice column, and even an email account. It's not Hillary we have to worry about in 2004...

Click on my name for information on the mastermind behind this Rodential Menace.

Is that a large squirrel or a beaver? That thing is huge.

Stinky does not appreciate being compared to a beaver. He knows who you are.

I often wondered if squirrels were somehow related to the palestinian groups hamas and islamic jihad.
it seems like every fall we have thousands of these creatures sacrificing themselves on our cold,dirty city streets just for a bit of attention.
either that or they suffer from clinical depression and having been submitted to 8years of hillary in the white house and facing 6 more years of her in the senate is just too much for their furry little hearts to take.

Cassandra, you seem to have an inordinate amount of concern for Stinky and his feelings. WHy is this? Could it be that you and Stinky are one in the same?

whoa whoa whoa there puddy tat..
my mechanic is named stinky,ive worked with stinky and ive had a few beers with stinky too..
rest assured
ms cassie is no stinky..
on a side note ms cassie howve ya been??

Where is that monster squirrel. I'll teach him a lesson.

I know Stinky. I served with Stinky. Stinky is my friend. Believe me, LF Groundhog - Cassandra is NO STINKY!

Sean:

Since writing my expose on Stinky the Squirrel and his undercover plot to subvert the FCC and obtain control over our local newspapers, radio, cable, and TV channels, I have been in hiding. I fear for my life - I can feel the beady little eyes of millions of squirrel operatives following my every move.

I can hear their ominous squeals, clicks, and chattering behind me, but when I turn to face them, there's no one there. I can feel them closing in on me...getting closer...and closer...

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(thump)

The Squirrel Menace has a long history.
When I was a freshman in college (just after dinosaurs ruled the Earth), and would trudge across campus for my 8 am classes, the squirrels would rain down acorns in a blanant attempt on my life.
Fortunately for me, my hung-over staggering made me a difficult target.

I wonder if your squirrel problem arises from Australia???
Anyone else smell rupert murdochs henchman?
Anyone else have a dentist from Pakistan?
6words

Attentioning here to,
Imperialist, is yellow running squirrel dogs and the scrapplemask which it operates.

There is no squirrels of many destruction.
There is no squirrels of many destruction.
There is no squirrels of many destruction.

We ate everything those directly in former times.
I am only squirrel now here.

At this time I am squeaking my reverse side away extremely. ¶ )

Squeak away, you Commie rodent - you'll never get me! NEVER!!!

TWe have met the cheese eating surrender squirrels and ------ they gave up. While reading their secret documents it was found that Sean Penn was secretly supplying them with guns, bugs and gases in return for an exclusive interview and dinner with the head squirrel. After a dinner of fruits and nuts, Mr. Penn fruitally muttered, "There had better be a big contract in all this!!!"

You people give squirrels a bad rap. Have you ever had one, cooked slowly in a crock pot, with some potatoes for 24 hrs? Mmmmmmmmmm, tasty! The only bad thing is, once you have skinned and cleaned the little varmits, there is only enough for a snack! Kinda like a Blue Gill.

I think that it must be all those walnuts they eat that make them soooooooooooo tender!

MMMMmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, Squirrel, the other, other, white meat!

No, Hercules, don't eat that squirrel, he's low-fat!

Click my name, to HELP the squirrels.

I must tell you,this Blogging thing has me interested. First, let me get this straight, you guys show up day after day and read funny stories, place comments about anything you want, all from your employerís desktops, while making fun of nut job liberals?
Hmmmm, The advertising potential and ìScott Ottî action figures revenue alone, has me salivating at the pocketbook.This will help me recoup on my Microsoft ILoo investment. I must admit, I donít know why I didnít think of this sooner, but then I can pay people to think for me and it is much more fun blaming them, for my mental and fiscal dilatoriness.

Congratulations to my best buddy, Allan Colmes, who 'tied the knot' this last week-end, with his lover, Bruce! The Ceremony was preformed in Vermont, (so it would be legal). Allan was last heard to say, "You want me to do, What,--with my What?"

Thanks Allan for letting me 'French', the 'Bride'!

Love and kisses, good luck, your pal, Frenchy!

Hey Scott Orr:

A recent Gallup poll for CNN (a cable news channel) and USA Today (a daily newspaper)...

regarding USA Today I recommend that in the future you say something like: USA Today (a publication that markets itself as a newspaper)

This snipe alludes the way that this mullet wrapper (i.e., the USA Today) has been designed for people who find network news too challenging. I can never believe that they can actually sell this thing for money.

How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb a tree and act like a nut!

Nuts to you - we know where you live.

Watch out, 'cuz the last squirrel who came around my place got the $#!+ knocked out of him with a blowgun!

Mike S..
Interesting you mention the "chipmunks" from Warner Bros., but, didja know those two critters are actually gophers, aka Mac 'N Tosh? Not only that, they are about 10 months older than Chip 'N Dale.

And remember....you heard it here first! Ayup!

So lemme get this straight: The NYT is gonna buy CNN? And they are using squirrels as the intermediaries for the hostile takeover? Was Jayson the poison pill? Who was the White Knight?

YOU

SHOULD

HAVE

BOUGHT

A

SQUIRREL!!!

JUSTICE4JP Alas, needs more than a rally for Jonathan Pollard to be released from jail. Be made aware the truth concerning the USS Liberty incedent is still under wraps. However, lets thank the likes of Ely Joseph, Larry Dub and Esther Pollard: I did personally and in writting.
J. Sherman. Dorset in England.

From: Justice4JP [mailto:justice4jp@hotmail.com]
Sent: Thursday, June 05, 2003 12:59 AM
To: *Justice4JP
Subject: Esther Pollard Reports on the June 4 Prayer Rally at the Kotel - Lists 3 7 8 9

Esther Pollard Reports on the June 4 Prayer Rally at the Kotel
J4JP Release - June 5, 2003

Writing about the massive prayer rally for Jonathan at the Kotel today is a challenge. We saw such miracles that I am afraid to diminish them by the inadequacy of words. Against all bureaucratic odds, without any funds, and working on a very short time line, we called to the people of Israel to come to the Kotel to pray for the release of Jonathan Pollard. And they did!

We had not wanted to schedule the rally at 3:00 PM, in the heat of the day, at a time when most people are still at work but that was the only time the Ministry of Religious Affairs would give us a permit. His Eminence, HaRav Mordecai Eliyahu arrived at the Kotel punctually at 3:00 PM. Several people suggested that the Rav wait until more people arrive, but he responded, "We will start and they will come."

And come, they did! In droves! First in a trickle, and then the trickle grew to a steady stream, and they just kept coming and coming and coming. I later learned that people came from all parts of the country to pray for Jonathan - from the Golan, from Haifa, and from Ramat Gan and from Be'ersheva, to name a few. People representing every segment of the population came to the Kotel. There was an amazing cross section of every age, babies, teenagers, middle-agers and the elderly; members of every community; Ashkenazi and Sephardi; right wing, left wing and every political shade in between; from every walk of life; religious and secular; able-bodied and people in wheel chairs and with white canes and so on. And lots and lots of young people.

The sight of all the young people davening in earnest, from the heart, for Jonathan reduced me to tears. They wore Pollard T-shirts and Pollard buttons which they themselves make and sell at cost, and most had Pollard bumper stickers stuck to their clothing. These kids were not even born when Jonathan was arrested!
That they turned up at the rally in such numbers is a miracle. That they care so deeply and are so committed to seeing Jonathan home is an even greater miracle. They care about their fellow Jew in a way that their parents did not know how to care. They truly love and admire Jonathan. They respect what he did for the People of Israel. And they know the value of a Jewish soul. I am now convinced that these youngsters are the pure souls that will bring redemption to our nation.

Tonight my phone keeps ringing and people keep calling to share their feelings about the prayer rally. People report that they were deeply moved by the intensity of the prayer. Although it was blazing hot at the Kotel, people stood and davened as if they did not notice the heat. Many people cried openly, their teardrops staining the prayer sheets. Others report the wonderful feeling they experienced as it got more and more crowded and they realized that they were being engulfed by the crowd and immersed in prayers of Ahavat Yisrael. Thousands of copies of special prayers for Jonathan were handed out. There were none left lying about when the Tefillah was over, and there were only a few copies left for me to take as a souvenir for Jonathan.

HaRav Eliyahu began by saying a special prayer for Jonathan Pollard. Then various rabbis led the crowd in saying a series of special Tehillim. In between the recital of Tehillim, special Kabbalistic prayers were recited by rabbis schooled in the esoteric tradition. The great rabbis, HaRav Eliyahu among them, all say that the redemption of Am Yisrael is tied up with the redemption of Jonathan Pollard, so the prayers were as much for Am Yisrael as for Jonathan. There was such unity of purpose that the prayer and all the special Tehillim were spontaneously repeated several times. Although the plan was to end the rally after the special order of prayers, the sense of unity prevailed and HaRav Eliyahu and the crowd remained together for an unanticipated early Mincha. By the time we left the Kotel, some 2 and a half hours had elapsed - much longer than anticipated. And it passed in the wink of an eye!

We went straight from the Kotel to Yeshurun Synagogue on King George Street where Ha Rav Shlomo Aviner spoke about Jonathan. He spoke to a packed house. The men's section was filled to capacity and the women's section upstairs was just as crowded. People sat on the stairs or stood in order to participate. The full house was, in itself, a miracle since the program at Yeshurun was only decided last night, and there really was little or no time to advertise it. Mostly word of mouth at the Kotel brought the huge crowd to Yeshurun.

Whereas at the Kotel, there had been a real cross-section of ages and walks of life, at Yeshurun, the crowd was predominately a young one. Ha Rav Aviner spoke about Jonathan and about the mitzvah of Vih Ahavta lih Re'eycha K'mocha ( loving one's neighbor as oneself). The young folks listened in rapt attention. They listened with all of their hearts. It was overwhelming to see how they listened. It was clear that were there because they WANTED to be there, and not for lack of something better to do, and they listened because they WANTED TO HEAR and they wanted to KNOW.

After HaRav Aviner spoke, musicians Doron Bar-On and Mordecai Fischer performed a special song written by HaRav Aviner for Jonathan. The audience loved it and they clapped, hummed and sang along.

Eli Joseph then spoke briefly to introduce me. As Bella (Jonathan's and my "adoptive" mother in Jerusalem) later told me, she was very surprised when she met Eli. He is a quiet unassuming man, one would never have expected that someone so humble in manner would be such a great person. Without Eli, there would have been no Atzeret (rally). Without Naomi Knobel (of the Rav's office) there would have been no Atzeret. The three of us worked hand-in-glove, with no funds and against all odds, around the clock, to organize it. Many others - the nameless heroes (some of whom I met at Yeshurun tonight) worked tirelessly with Eli behind the scenes and made things happen that were vital to the success of the rally.

When I spoke at Yeshurun it was straight from the heart and the crowd listened attentively. At HaRav Aviner's instruction, I spoke from behind the mechitza, upstairs, in the ladies section. It was a formula for losing the audience, but the men just turned around in their seats and focused their attention upward. They clapped and cheered when I spoke acknowledging all of the miracles we saw today. They also cheered when I spoke with pride and amazement about our youth today. The young people who turned up at the Kotel today davened for Jonathan and Am Yisrael with such intensity and tears, that their passion was palpable. When the lecture was over, the kids swarmed around me, many with hugs and kisses, and all with endless blessings for Jonathan and Am Yisrael.

I look at our youth, and for the first time I see hope for our nation. This is the generation that will, with G-d's help, save our nation. This is the generation that will wake up their elders and teach us all to love our fellow Jew. This is the generation that that can teach us achdut, the unity that G-d so desires in His People.

In the merit of ALL the countless beautiful Jewish souls who came to the Kotel today and to Yeshurun tonight, may HaShem bless you and yours abundantly in the mitzvah of Pidyan Shvuyim! And may we all merit to return to the Kotel very soon, in the wink of an eye, WITH JONATHAN, to give thanks and praise to the Almighty. May we merit to see the redemption of Jonathan Pollard along with the Land and People of Israel speedily in our day. Amain! -30-

Post Script: We will be posting the Special Tefillah for Jonathan to the J4JP web site along with the special order of Tehillim to make them available to all. Everyone is encouraged to say the Tefillah and to share it with others. Even more important: take the Special Tefillah for Jonathan to synagogue with you. The prayer power of a minyan is immeasurable; ask that this Tefillah be included in the MiSheberachs whenever the Torah is read, so that all may share in the merit of the mitzvah of Pidyan Shvuyim.

A note of thanks to J.Sherman
And a call to fellow site commentators....

Thank you sir, for calling our attention to the plight of Mr. Pollard and for directing us who gravitate to the lighter side of things, to Mr.Fortas's article. It was informative in that most of us aren't even aware of the poor guy's situation.....Isn't he the one who helped to enable Israel discover that Iraq had some kind of nuke stuff going on?

And to my fellow readers of this site....
Do any of you know about this Pollard guy?..... Anyone curious? Have any comments?

Yep, I went and did some web-snooping, and it appears that the story is quite valid. It seems that Pollard got the short end of the bargain a couple times under Clinton, but who didn't? It seems that there have been any number of bargains for the guy, but Israel always seems to do their end (releasing hundreds of criminals, under that []hole Clinton) and we never seem to do ours. I'm not sure if I agree with his methods, but I'd say his reason for giving data to Israel was pretty good. I didn't even know the guy existed until this story got posted. I'm not sure if he should be released, because I don't know what he gave to Israel, but his punishment seems a little over the top for what he did (give secret data to an ally).